I'm Not Feeling Very Magickal At the Moment

I’m in a funk. I’ve had a good deal of success with Chaos sigil magic. After the amazing (for me) results I had my first night scrying, and an almost as impressive second night, I get nothing now. I still see smoke when I try, and for almost a year now, with my eyes closed and relaxing, I see orbs, lights, etc. It appears Belial helped me with an issue, even though I never evoked him to manifestation, or ever heard him, saw him in dreams, etc. I believe I successfully called a spirit lover into my life. When I lay down and relax, I feel touches and sensations that I know don’t come from me. But after a little more than a year, she still hasn’t fully manifested in my life. All of these “successes” don’t seem to mean much to me now. For a couple of weeks now, I’ve felt defeated, deflated. I find myself riddled with doubt about any of this being real. It has me lacking motivation for fear of not achieving results. My will to do Magick has been sapped.

I know I’m not unique in this. I’m sure all or most of you have gone through this, or similar. So I’m reaching out to all of you for suggestions on how to work through this. I don’t know if this is my ego doing it’s job and getting in the way, or what. All I know is I need help finding the enthusiasm again. I have experiences that I can look back on that tell me this is real, this works, but that doesn’t seem to be enough right now.

I’ve had my periods of doubt, knowing that deep down inside I don’t believe a word that the left hand side of my brain is trying to tell me but I can’t quite shake the thought of doubt. So I force myself to recall all of the times when really weird shit happened to me, things I can not explain thru scientific or otherwise mundane means. You know, the really strange occurances that leave you puzzled because you can’t find anything in your home or the atmosphere that would have caused it, no hallucination inducing drug use, no magnetic fields shifting around you, and so on.

I think about those occurances and remember, I ran thru every possible alternative cause for that and it simply cannot be explained. I also remember the times I thought a spell or evocation was unsuccessful because I didn’t feel a change in consciousness or some great sign letting me know hey this worked, but the results I desired still manifested. I reminds me that there is definitely something to this beyond what our minds can comprehend. Believing is seeing, not the other way around. You have to first believe before you can see.

That’s why so many people say here look, I did the Ouija board thing or the tarot card thing to prove you wrong and as I suspected nothing happened, so this magick stuff is bull. Well there’s the problem right there. That person did not engage in these magickal things to look for truth, they did it just to prove me wrong and doing something magickal with an attitude like that is not going to produce any results because if you go into it thinking this is BS and will not work, then it won’t work because you think it won’t. Again, I am lead to refer back to thoughts as being very powerful magickal weapons that can be used for our growth, education, and attainment of personal desires, or it can be used to destroy us and bring us down.

Similar concept. So remind yourself of the things that DID work, the strange things you DID see that you can’t explain, this will give you the drive to keep working towards your ascension, the desire to keep going until something else weird happens that makes you only want to keep going further to find out the source behind it all. If you constantly think maybe this was a dellusion, then you will only focus on the mundane and slowly retrain your brain, descending down the ladder of ascension and back to the mundane brainwashed world until your mind tricks you into becoming a slave again. Doubt is the quickest way to undo everything you have done thus far, the quickest way to lose your power.

Some would argue the opposite, that if you believe in something you cannot see so strongly that you will manifest a version of that belief within your mind and you will hallucinate that what you wish to see is there before you even though it’s just an illusion caused by desire. This may be true in some cases, but a well experienced magician will soon be able to tell the difference between what was real and what was an illusion by relying upon what their other senses are also telling them. Do not rely on your eyes alone to tell you how you should perceive the world.

Your eyes lie to you way more often than you’d care to find out. Since the eyes are the very center of what we use to see the world in which we live, as we grow up, our brain quickly learns that the eyes are the key to everything we perceive before us and so, the eyes must also be more important than the other 4 senses. Our brains then begin to favor the eyes, shutting off our other senses to a certain degree so the core of your energy can be used to maintain yoursight, to focus, to see things, to read, pointing out colors to you so can discern the difference between that tree and that stop sign ahead of you.

Humans have grown accustomed to this so much, that we don’t even realize our other senses are being deprived by our brain because our brain sees the eyes as the king, and our smell, taste, touch, and sound are just the meaningless pheasants that do the kings bidding. So you have to learn to tell your mind you don’t give a rats ass what it thinks, that you know what you saw was real because your sound made you hear a faint voice, your touch made you feel a light poking sensation in your neck, and you coud smell (insert random smell here) when the strange occurance happend, and so on.

I have been watching a great series on human psychology about the brain being the number one reason for our lack of instant spiritual attunement. And also why 3 people could experience the same event. One person doesn’t even remember that event occuring, and the other two spend a lifetime arguing over how it really happened because one has a memory of the car being blue while the other says yes it was blue but it was a truck not a car. The people who are more in tune with their spiritual senses will get the details more accurately because they have learned how to fully uses all of their senses at once, the ones who have no spiritual attunement are the ones who will remember stuff that didn’t even happen because they are relying only on what their eyes told them and not what their 5 senses as a whole told them, and the eyes well…

…It’s a proven fact that when we see something 20 seconds after seeing it our brain has already discarded about 73% of the actual details of that item or event, the details it deemed unimportant, the more time passes, the more we forget or we remember details that were untrue because our mind realizes we are trying to remember a detail it already discarded days ago so, your mind makes up a false detail to fill in the blanks. The only way to get your brain to see every detail as important so it will save all of the information it takes in and not just some of it, is to remember what you saw in the form of a story. This confuses your mind into believing the details are important and so, the event or details get stored in your long term memory section.

Try to do this with your magick from here on out and you will start to notice a big difference. The series I am watching is part of my educational training that a spirit pointed me to.

What worked for me was figuring out what I wanted. Once I had that, the drive of the desire to change reality enlivened my will and intent, and then actions and results aligned.

Technique wise, I would learn a different form of magic or method or paradigm or religion or path. Something different and new. Something that I could work on in a measurable way and get results from. Something different enough that I would have to grow and change to use it. Then after cycles of this over the years, I could look back and see what were the common elements in the paths, but more importantly, in myself as I pursued them.

I definitely can relate to this. But I see this as a phase of “adjustment” to the spiritual energies that’s already are with us. Here’s my thoughts of why we become “less sensitive”, and underestimate our capabilities after a while:

A successful first time experience is, usually, very powerful and our senses is heightened to a certain “peak”. Just like a baby is tasting whipped cream for the very first time, making their eyes roll and waving their arms to get adjusted to the new sweet flavor. Over time, we feel less and less, even if the energy of the spirit or entity is just as strong…or to some extent, much stronger than the first time.

Like most relationships, we get used to eachother and sometimes it reaches a hiatus, when the progress of development comes to a halt. That urge for progression and development is often the cause for breakups, even if the real cause - egoism - is left in the shadows. We give up too easy and getting tired of a day-to-day life.

Spiritual Adjustment works the same way, as I see it. We get used to it, and want more of it. We want new experiences, new answers to our questions, more ascended works through the spirits we call upon. But sometimes, a hiatus in our own spiritual development is a necessity, before we dig deeper. Sometimes new experiences comes with a flick on our fingers, spontaneously, when we less expect it. Who knows us best, and knows when we’re ready to take the next step on our paths? Ourselves? Not always. But the spirits or entities we called, seems to know us a little better, and when we’re ready.

The adjustment idea is an interesting one. I’d say it’s more of a power adjustment though. Most people who win the lottery have no idea how to spend all that money (a frightening amount end up dead or bankrupt). I think magic is the same. Once you have confirmation you need to doubt for a while to come to terms with it.

I realise this is a couple of weeks old- and that you might well be out of this ‘funk’, as you say, but I just wanted to add some thoughts, as I had been going through something quite similar until about a week ago.

The past month or so has been incredibly challenging for me- no fuck it- challenging is not the right word- it’s been a goddam nightmare. I had been completely immersed in mundane problems, dealing, pretty much 24/7, with incredibly unpleasant issues that I had been trying to avoid for ages. This left me so drained and tired, which resulted in me not feeling very magickal AT ALL while all this was going on. The irony is though, that I believe the chaos that was going on in my life was the result of, or at least related to, a ritual I performed to rid my life of unwanted influences, energies etc. So while I knew that all of this was ultimately necessary to improve my circumstances, it still wasn’t very easy to deal with and was absolutely exhausting.

I think that when we are forced to deal with shitty, mundane issues, to the point where it’s taking up most of our mental space, we temporarily ‘forget’, what life is really about and the true nature of reality. When we become so involved with everyday problems- I think it’s as though our world, our reality, condenses into the very immediate need to deal with whatever is going on. That shitty, annoying, stressful problem ‘becomes our reality’ for the time being. I think what RavensAscent has said about this is spot on…

So anyway, last weekend I decided I needed to do something so pull myself out of this slump. I did a simple breathing exercise and a chakra meditation- and I started feeling better. I then spent the rest of the evening watching documentaries about the universe and space, planets etc (I find things like that fascinating- yes I’m a total geek!). The first one I watched was called ‘Journey to the Edge of the Universe’, which I’ve seen like a million times before, but I never get bored of it. A few mins into it, and that little switch in my head clicked- and I felt that familiar feeling of awe, and I said to myself ‘This is life, reality, not the manmade bullshit we spend so fucking much or our precious time and energy on’. And (maybe ironically), watching these Science documentaries had the affect of re-affirming my belief in the occult, because I was reminded of just how much there is we still don’t know or understand. The following quote from Lovecraft comes to mind…‘We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity…’

I hope this makes sense and that you ‘get’ what I’m trying to say. Some ideas just can’t be accurately conveyed through words…