If you used to be religious what made you doubt your religion?


I was raised Catholic.
Honestly I don’t know how ended where I am know.
I feel if you even have a mediocre understanding in ethic, morality and history; that you’ll end up in a place like this.

When I was a Teenager I was studying Lavey Satanism.
When I learned about the plagiarism and deceit of the Roman Catholic Church;that was it for me.

So went to the OTO, and yes even they fucked me over.

Now I’m a solo practitioner.
Hence the name Solus.
186 is reference to Pan


The community. While I seemed to have decent luck with my prayer work, it was mostly the people telling me that I was delusional when I would actually see ghosts and hear voices on the wind. Not knowing better I would talk about this, only to be condemned for it.

I was raised protestant, had a stint of practising the muslim prayer system. While the prayers worked, I found it was more out of me pushing my will into the world than any actual godhead doing as I asked. It didn’t help that my SO told me that the other men in the community had tried to offer him time with their wives in exchange for a crack at me. :cold_sweat:


Yes I love the Occult Community.
Especially everyone on the Becomealivinggod forum.

Such a relief, compared to the YouTube community.


Yes! I was unbelievably grateful when I stumbled across this forum. It was like, “Finally! People who get me!”

And some of those youtubers can get nasty! I saw this one woman call out E.A. because she was adamant he was insulting Belial by pronouncing his name wrong. Just one great example of many…


I’d consider my reason for transitioning fairly normal. I was raised southern baptist. Oddly, I never knew about Satan till I was 10 or so. I never really liked going to church. It’s like going to school on a weekend, followed by hours of errands.

I was into anything out of the ordinary; cryptids, aliens, constellations, and mythologies. I would watch anime and collect trading cards and toys. I was obsessed with adventures and battles with monsters and people with special powers. I was constantly told this or that isn’t real. Felt pretty condescending, as if it was wrong for me to use my imagination. But a dude in the sky constantly judging me and everyone around me? Really?

In 8th grade, I began questioning my (lack of) “faith”. I prayed for a sign, but during the Summer, I discovered the occult and all the gods, monsters, and stories I loved had truth to them and I became Wiccan. Some how, I thought that meant God was real. Course, I didn’t know Christianity was against magic and other gods till 9th grade. I wanted to make peace between them.

Shit happened. You know, bullying, ostracization, changing schools. I’m still dealing with the trauma. Anyway, in 12th grade, I took to esoteric Christian occultism. I fell back on my “faith” so I could feel superior to my peers.

Later in early college, my views grew more and more Pagan as I continued to learn. I turned Pagan. Where I once wanted peace between two groups, I realized that lack of peace was caused by Christians and their zealous persecution, so I began to rail against them. Since High school, I developed an identity as an outcast and a need to rebel and protect other outcasts.

I still feel a bit of a desire for something like Christianity, or at least what I originally thought it was. A way to work with celestial beings for peace, love, and harmony, so long as I don’t work with the Abrahamic god. Issue is I’m too cynical even for that.


I’ve noticed that the most the people on this forum are very respectful of RHP.
I admit that I may be a little antagonist towards Christians.
Only because I was one.
Much respect towards all path of accent.


" So Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and did just as the Lord commanded. Aaron threw his staff down in front of Pharaoh and his officials, and it became a snake. 11 Pharaoh then summoned wise men and sorcerers, and the Egyptian magicians also did the same things by their secret arts: 12 Each one threw down his staff and it became a snake. "

“Moses and Aaron did just as the Lord had commanded. He raised his staff in the presence of Pharaoh and his officials and struck the water of the Nile, and all the water was changed into blood. 21 The fish in the Nile died, and the river smelled so bad that the Egyptians could not drink its water. Blood was everywhere in Egypt.22 But the Egyptian magicians did the same things by their secret arts

The Bible always did this weird thing where it admits magic works while condemning its use. By the time I was in college, I couldn’t take the bible seriously as the “literal word of God”. After reading some New Age material, I came to the conclusion the Bible’s authors must have had a mystical experience but were biased as to what the source of that experience was.

Going to church praying for the holy spirit does bugger all. Follow the exercises in any new age book actually got results. New Age had a bunch of watered down hippie nonsense. Had to layer some Crowley and some Wicca over it. Then Chaos magic. Then back to wicca once when Chaos magic almost drove me insane. Then to…whatever the hell I’m doing here. Haven’t pegged down a label yet.


I believe the bible says magic users steal power from god


If an omnipotent being can get his shit stolen so easily that’s the biggest L in the history of the universe.



The adept student, a teacher in your own right, but not quite yet a master. Allow your lust for knowledge to continue.

Just throwing that out there, enjoying my day.


Born and raised Roman Catholic. Always been a good person, but have felt the pull of the LHP since I was a teenager. It intensified when I heard the name “Abaddon”. Had to learn everything I could about him. At the time that was nigh impossible as I only found Christian writings and fiction work.


I was born in a catholic family. But since the very beginning my life was upside down. Even tho I grown up very fine. I was first in class, respected everybody, pretty good boy.
I kept getting sometimes good things and sometimes bad things.

I realized the more I left things on gods hands the more screwed I was. He randomly fucks everybody. I remember I was at second grade had only about 8 years old and a girl from my class died in a car accident. The all class went to the funeral. I didnt even know her very well but I always thought something was wrong. How could god put an end in so many children lives without even the possibility of getting older and living a life? What about children with cancer. Who spends years in hospitals feeling pain, losing their hair and waiting for death, maybe hoping for it. The old god from the bible cant be good or he cant be god. And the free will bullshit? It is like putting a sharp razor inside a beef and throwing to your dog. If he cant understand what you did it isnt his fault eating the beef. If we chose the tree of good and evil, that is because he made us like that. If he made us desobedient to be punished, that is even worse.

When I was 15 I was an atheist. I kept like that for many years until I was 28.

Then I went back into believing in god and that somehow my life was good. Then I got arrested. After drawing some satanic things inside the prison walls, I got out after 90 days.

So fuck god. Really. What a sadistic mother fucker…

After thinking about who was the first one to rebel against god… I knew I only had one being in this world to respect after myself: Lucifer.

Hail Lucifer.

I got in contact with Him, Lucifer the true god.
Even if He wont help me (He is already…) but even if He never even talked to me, I would say He have done already enought! He just gave the finger to the sadistic prick. And that is priceless.


Obey! Pay! Pray!

There’s lots of things. God loves everybody, but if you don’t love him back you’ll suffer in hell for all eternity. So tell a woman that you love her and then threaten to torture her unless she loves you back - ‘And you can prove your love by swallowing’. Make up all of these ‘thou shalt not’ rules that simply can’t be kept – unless you’re comatose. Base your life on the incomplete and heavily edited scribblings of people from thousands of years ago, which would be like people living two and half millennia in the future basing their lives on some incomplete local council records from the 1930s.

Worship a god who sent himself, to sacrifice himself to himself, in order to save humanity from himself – how more fucked up can you get? Why didn’t god do that on the dark side of the moon then, having saved humanity from himself, just piss off? God’s sales manager on Earth, the altar boys’ wet dream said that ‘you can judge a tree by its fruits’, so 2000 years of Jesus should be more than enough for any healthy stomach.

Then there’s the blood drenched history of all Abrahamic religions, for men never do viciousness so completely and cheerfully as when they do it with religious conviction. Moreover, Abraham married his half sister and heard voices. Today he’d be locked up – either in a prison or mental asylum. Then there’s the miracles – events described by those to whom these were told by people who did not see these events. And to prove religions by miracles is to prove the absurd by something contrary to nature because the inspiration of religious scriptures depends on the ignorance of the people who read these.

Add to all this the child abuse and paedophilia of all of the Abrahamic faiths and it sickens the very Sun! ‘Suffer the little children’ – my word they do. Then there’s the destruction of the library at Alexandria (which set humanity back by probably 1000 years). In Europe is it just coincidence that the Age of Faith is also know as the Dark Ages?

Our path you can actually verify by doing. On the left hand path our Goddesses and Gods always answer. Anyway I can’t go on because you’ve made me too pissed off. Satisfied?



Yes I am satisfied


Exactly. This is why I am personally against children being placed into Religious schools without their consent or understanding. I never wanted to do that and what came with it, it was chosen for me.

It smacks of a cult with me for targeting young children aged 4 and upwards with imagery of death and punishment. The secondary schools are even worse for it.


For me, it was the hypocrisies that I saw through even as a child. When I was finding myself and evolving in Santeria there were little nagging doubts (not about the Orishas) but the HUMANS that made the rules, the hierarchy that placed males in a superior position to females that a female could never attain, and finally being placed in servitude to your elders. It’s a very expensive religion. I kept all of my Orishas and Spirits though and lost 99% of the people in it. I never ever thought I would come to say this and get out of the organization part, but once I began evolving UP in this LHP with King Paimon, my eyes were finally fully opened and I found the courage to walk away completely. (I began having doubts about the politics and hierarchy many years ago however.)