I’d consider my reason for transitioning fairly normal. I was raised southern baptist. Oddly, I never knew about Satan till I was 10 or so. I never really liked going to church. It’s like going to school on a weekend, followed by hours of errands.
I was into anything out of the ordinary; cryptids, aliens, constellations, and mythologies. I would watch anime and collect trading cards and toys. I was obsessed with adventures and battles with monsters and people with special powers. I was constantly told this or that isn’t real. Felt pretty condescending, as if it was wrong for me to use my imagination. But a dude in the sky constantly judging me and everyone around me? Really?
In 8th grade, I began questioning my (lack of) “faith”. I prayed for a sign, but during the Summer, I discovered the occult and all the gods, monsters, and stories I loved had truth to them and I became Wiccan. Some how, I thought that meant God was real. Course, I didn’t know Christianity was against magic and other gods till 9th grade. I wanted to make peace between them.
Shit happened. You know, bullying, ostracization, changing schools. I’m still dealing with the trauma. Anyway, in 12th grade, I took to esoteric Christian occultism. I fell back on my “faith” so I could feel superior to my peers.
Later in early college, my views grew more and more Pagan as I continued to learn. I turned Pagan. Where I once wanted peace between two groups, I realized that lack of peace was caused by Christians and their zealous persecution, so I began to rail against them. Since High school, I developed an identity as an outcast and a need to rebel and protect other outcasts.
I still feel a bit of a desire for something like Christianity, or at least what I originally thought it was. A way to work with celestial beings for peace, love, and harmony, so long as I don’t work with the Abrahamic god. Issue is I’m too cynical even for that.