While working magic,and studying it for years,this year,is the year that I embraced the philosophy of the Left Hand Path.This year,I’ve had lots of leaps in my ascent,I’ve progressed a lot,and I’ve grown a lot,to the point now,where I can vainly call myself an adept.
Over the Summer,I had gotten a reading from Claidheim.I had gotten several others,of course,but that one stuck out.The short version,though,was that my potential was being limited by the world around me,and that as I would enter high school, a new period of my life,I would be completely altered,people might be frustrated,and I would go through a hard,but transformative time,that would be necessary for me in order to grow into something new.
This is where most people give you a butterfly metaphor,but I’m too busy to do that,especially with all the rest I have to say.So,I was encouraged to put my love life on pause,before the transformation was over,I was encouraged to look into who I am and what I wanna do,I was encouraged to simply not be subservient to those around me,no matter how comfortable I was under their rule.
And teenagers rebel,that’s not really new.I’m probably being super-rebellious by even talking about this here,but I think it’s better for me to type it out.That said,I decided that I wanted these transformations to be over as soon as possible.In the process of death and rebirth,I just couldn’t wait for the rebirth.
I was vain in assuming the transformation was over the moment Summer ends,and my high school life begins,and I sign my name on a sheet of paper;the pact I signed with Paimon.
But this was not the case.In reality,I was just beginning.And while as many will notice,the circumstances around me exploded in a manner that I find amazing.My love life is still a mess,but the sheer changes in my worldview,the incredible power that I’ve achieved,all of these successes make me think that this point of my life is worth it.
According to Mother,the great goddess Hecate,I’m going to be done with my changes,and be reborn on Samhain Eve.I had been gathering a certain momentum,for months,so that I could perform a ritual,on the night when the veil is at its thinnest,and the powers of magick are at their most active. That ritual,on Samhain Eve,in the Witching Hour,will be the funeral of the old self,the christening of the new self,and the bridge between the two.
I threw a Halloween party just for the occasion.No one at that party knows that the true motive of that party is not just to celebrate Halloween or introduce my old friends to my new ones or anything like that.I am literally planning this,to honor my deification process.
As I have noticed,Paimon has brought me everything that I could want for now.THe successes I’ve had with him have been so much,I haven’t been reporting them.I’ve been learning arts and sciences,magical and mundane.I’ve been thinking,meditating,performing ritual,and enjoying life.The fact remains that it seemed at some point,that I felt like I wasn’t getting nearly as much out of Paimon as I once did.
There was a time when he taught me how to control people’s minds but I still told him to do it for me because I was too scared it would fail.Now,I feel more comfortable doing the work myself.
I can perform a candle spell,with no candle,in the middle of class or something,without breaking my concentration on the topic of the class.I can conjure spirits with no manifestation base,and converse with them anywhere,and anytime.I can move out of my body in a breath,ask a question and have it answered,to name a few of the abilities that I’ve acquired.
I felt like I wasn’t getting much out of Paimon,so we agreed to do a possession.On Sunday,he came into my body.Last time this very same demon possessed me,it was for a weekend,and perhaps one of the most peculiar experiences I’ve had with possession.I felt so different,I knew there was an alien force inside me,I talked to him,everything.
This time,though,I didn’t feel different.Sure,I was more polite,my libido dropped,and I could call on Paimon and have him send shivers down my spine and bring me down to the ground,but overall I don’t feel like I’ve gotten new powers and knowledge,I feel,like I did before.
Only I get scorned by Paimon,whenever I embrace powerlessness and choose to be shy,or do something along those lines.However,even more odd,whenever I evoked Paimon,he usually acted like an old friend.In recent evocations,though,he has a demeanor of reverence.When asked about it,he simply said that he was happy with what we’ve accomplished,but as always,that wasn’t even close to my life’s fullest potential,just what we’ve achieved in so little time.
So,building up to the ritual,not only have I been possessed by the demon I’m in a pact with,I have been invoking darkness.I would dim all the lights and meditate in darkness.I would feel the darkness,the sinister aura,that I would breathe into my body,and command.
I’ve been doing these weird rituals for the past two or three days,and have only just come out of my most intense one.Almost all of them involve me whirling into the rapture state(like whirling dervishes),making spirits materialize around me,the entire upper half of my body contorting in a bizarre and scary manner,and my voice distorting itself into something much deeper and much more powerful.
However,the one I just came out of,was one of the most intense experiences I’ve had in ritual.So,what exactly did I do?Well,I meditated,I breathed the darkness into myself,I spinned,and such.I called to the Powers of Darkness to become me.
I called myself,the King of Anarchy,the God of Apostasy,the Essence of Magic.I contorted,going up and down,sideways,spinning around,doing weird stuff.At some point,I felt lost.
Even though this was my own room,everything was dark,because I had shut out all the lights.Usually,my television’s small little red light(that I can’t turn off) would be the only thing to tell me where I was precisely in my room.It wasn’t there.Nothing but darkness.I felt like I was in a desert of some kind.
I then bumped into my bed,and I turned to my left and saw,oddly enough,the other side of the room,as though my entire room had warped and all the furniture had been moved.
But that’s not the crazy part,the crazy part was that I had alos begun hearing some swishing sounds,because the pipes that run into my room,into my radiator,were more active…
Then,I heard a whole bunch of weird sounds.On the floor,I found a pen,that I had placed on my table.Things were so weird,that I continued to contort,and as I did I fell to the floor,and rolled around,muttering the incantations EA gave us.
At that point,I called to Leviathan the serpent of the deep and the unrestrained power to flow through my Ida and Pingala pathways.Once he had,I could see the world around me turn dark,and I felt trapped,like the Serpent had risen and swallowed me.
Instead,I inhaled,and said that I embraced his venom.I rolled around on the floor,until I felt as though I was shapeshifting into a serpent(astrally NOT physically),and slithering around before resuming into my human form.
I then began to meditate,in silence.I decided against closing my eyes during it,and saw clouds of purple gather and form into a shape.With each chakra that I charged,the figure became more and more profound.It was literally a reflection of me.
And even though it spoke nothing,I could hear it,I received thought impressions,like the Tongue of Angels.I also saw Paimon leave my body,and leave me there.I basically took my shirt off,during the ritual,and on my stomach,drew a shape,I thought would end up abstract.
When I finally did turn the lights on,it turned out the shape was an inverted triangle,which is IMO,a symbol of release,and unrestrained power.
Anyways,I meditated more and more,and conversed with these two figures without the need of words.Before I pulled the power around me,and I shivered,acting all weird.
I grabbed the same pen,and stabbed myself on my palm.I didn’t expect it to do much,because I could hardly feel anything.When I placed my hand there,I saw that I was bleeding,so I just let it flow,whispering something about letting the essence flow,letting the power flow,and commanded the Powers of Darkness to bring me my goals.
As I did,I realized how frivolous and daft they all sounded,how petty and insignificant,what a waste of power they were.I ended it by falling on the ground,and lying there for a few moments before turning the lights on and calming myself.
Hmm…maybe I shouldn’t have let this out of Schrodinger’s box…
Anyways,comments?Because while this ritual was intense,the ones before were pretty straightforward,intuitive,but also disastrously powerful and weird as hell.I’m also pretty sure the intensity is just gonna keep increasing until Halloween.
