[quote=“Orismen, post:4, topic:2778”]If you can not see or hear or in anyway divine the spirit, a pact is NOT a good idea.
What specifically are you looking for, money, love, court case, revenge…etc? We can give you loads of ideas as to what you can do right now to achieve your goals.[/quote]I’ll give you a little bit of the story.
I’ve had several very unfortunate events occur in my life, that have resulted in a very broken human being.
It started with my dad leaving. I was 3 at the time. For some reason, I thought him not wanting anything to do with me was my fault. And that killed me.
After he left my grandfather kind of took his place, and for the next few years of my life he was more like a father to me than my actual dad.
My dad came back when I was 7, but he wasn’t alone. He brought his girlfriend with him. So I didn’t really like going over to see him. I was hoping things would go back to normal, but it was pretty clear that they never were.
I found out that it wasn’t my fault at all that he didn’t want anything to do with me. Turns out my mother was blocking communications, not just to him but to my grandmother (his mother), uncles, aunts. Everyone in his family was cut off from me for those few years.
That left me feeling betrayed, and bitter.
A year later another plot twist came. My grandfather dropped dead of a heart attack. Our priest came to our house to tell us. I was watching a movie. The Page Master. I can even tell what time it was, what the weather was like and what was on the stove cooking.
I watched my mother breakdown. Literally breakdown, she dropped to the floor screaming and crying. The priest was even in tears.
Yet there I stood in the doorway, an 8 year old boy. I didn’t shed a tear. I didn’t react. I didn’t say “Oh my god!”, I just stood there. They asked me if I was okay and if I understood what I was just told. I said “Yeah, my grandfather had a heart attack and fell down the stairs.”, then I asked if I could go back to my movie.
I didn’t feel. For the longest time, I didn’t feel anything.
Until I was 13. I fell for a girl, and felt something for a change.
I’m not going into detail, but that ended badly. After that I shut down again.
When I was 16 I was working with my dad. We were night janitors, we would clean floors and wax them at all the big retail stores. My mom was depressed at the time, and she just laid in bed all day and night. So I ended up dropping out of school to take care of my sister. My sister was a full-care handicap child.
After she came out of the depression, we were fighting a lot. She wanted me to go back to school. But that’s not what I wanted. I was happy with my life at the time. With my friends, I had a good relationship with my real dad finally (he was more like a friend than a dad at the time). But she wouldn’t accept that.
Instead of just kicking me out of the house, this is what she did: she acted like she was texting, called our house phone from her cell phone and acted like it was important so she could leave the room. When she came back she said my dad wanted me to babysit for him. So of course I jumped.
When we got there, she was gone before I ever got to the door. As soon as I seen her speed off like that I immediately had this sickening feeling. When I went inside nobody had any idea what I was doing there. Half an hour later she was back, with my stuff. She dumped it in the driveway and sped off again. I didn’t hear from her for almost a month. And when I finally did all she did was tell me what she did to deceive me. She said she was sorry, but she didn’t know how else to get me out.
I’ve never felt so much hate and disgust toward in my life. And it was toward my own mother. The person who’s supposed to be there for you and take care of you.
Why do I want this?
They say if you have no soul you don’t have the ability to feel. I don’t want to feel ever again.
As far as material possessions go, I want money. Enough money that I can live a real life and go places. In my situation I won’t ever have the chance to any other way. I make $350 a month, pay $200 to my dad for rent and spend between $50 and $100 on deodorant, shampoo, toothpaste, laundry soap, etc.