A little while back I asked some entities to give me the motivation I needed to turn my life around. To start eating healthier, quit smoking (cigarettes and mary jane), to help me sleep at night and also to take a few swings at my ego (this one I did in a dream, but it’s happening anyway). Recently I’ve been finding myself over confident.
They sure as hell answered. In a big way. But seriously, did it have to be simultaneously lol?
I started having these anxiety attacks. The first time it happened I went for a drive, sitting in silence, breathing into a paper bag trying to calm myself down. It took me like 40 minutes. The next day there was a small “aftershock”, it only took 10 minutes and I didn’t have to use the paper bag. Again the day after, only took 5 minutes.
But… I ignored it. Continued on with my unhealthy lifestyle.
A week passes, then I start to feel severe muscle soreness in my strongest muscle groups. Making it difficult for me to do much of anything but lay around and rest.
2 weeks passed with no signs of the anxiety. Then 2 days ago, I’m on my way down the stairs and when I get to the bottom step, I trip on one of my brother’s toys (which is really ironic to me, because my grandfather always said "Pick your toys up off the floor. Someone could break an ankle). It was one of those things where I always said “Nah, that’ll never happen to me.” lol.
I’ve twisted my ankle plenty of times playing sports and due to sheer clumsiness, but I’ve also fractured both of my wrists. This pain felt all too familiar. And the fact that it brought silent, involuntary tears to my eyes told me that I didn’t just twist my ankle. I fractured it.
An avulsion fracture. Turns out I have extremely tough ligaments. Instead of the ligament tearing, a small fragment of the bone broke off from the rest. They sent me home and told me to take some extra strength Advil to dull the pain, then I went back to have a cast put on the next day.
After I got home my younger brother challenged my older-younger brother to a fight, over a video game. And out of nowhere this thought popped into my head. I said 'Think it through man, you’re not indestructible.", which is something I would never say. So I kind of laughed at myself and actually said to myself out loud “You’re one to talk.”, also something I would never do.
Ignored that too, continued on with my unhealthy ways for another 2 days. now we’re at the present. Another panic attack. This time taking 25 minutes. It wasn’t until I called the local ER to ask them what to do about it that I calmed down. They asked me all these questions, and for what ever reason I was completely honest and told them I smoked pot and how I ate and just everything. Then they said that based on what I told them it’s all one extremely effective recipe for anxiety attacks.
They typed it in, looked at the causes, and I have like 6 of 8 checked off.
So I either smarten the hell up, or keep going through this. Looks like I found my motivation -_-’ lol. Then it hit me… The ankle. The muscle soreness. The “you’re not indestructible” comment I made and the talking to myself. The ankle was the shot at my ego. Making me feel like weak and useless.
But I’m actually grateful for it. It was a wake up call. I was so ignorant, and took my life for granted. I’m gonna do better. I thanked the entities that were responsible and poof. The anxiety attack stopped. Instantly. Muscle soreness gone. Although that may just be the Advil kicking in…
I must say as far as first impressions go that’s one hell of a way to get someone’s attention. And as far as showing me what they can actually do. I’m not saying they put the toy there, or they made my heart race. I actually get it. It was a series of events leading up to it. All put in place as a means to an end.
That’s pretty freaky.