Im a fairly experienced magical practitioner, been into it all my life.
I did a working about a week ago because I was feeling desperation and heartbreak settling in.
Ever since, Ive been feeling an overwhelming obsession towards the person I cast on, and I havnt slept, barely eaten, Im up all night looking at facebook and instagram accounts trying to figure out who else he may have been with…Yeah, Im stalking the dude and I know Im wrong but cant seem to stop.My insecurity has gone through the roof, my paranoia, my obsession, my ocd, you name it.
Im going stir crazy, cant sit still, am riding my bike for hours on end daily to get away from whats in my head and heart. (normally ride about 25 miles a week…this week ive done 20+ miles daily and my mileage for the week sitting at 118 and counting)
Ive tried to cast a few letgo spells and i cant bring myelf to complete them, I either fall asleep, or heartache sets in and a deep overwhelming sense of loss fills me instead, so i try to funnel that emotion into the original wokings as feeder energy.
If this is my end of the spells I cast, I wonder what he’s feeling right now.
He’s been distant, no desire to come over and see me. He finally came by today after not vsiting since tues. It was short and he’s distant.
I make jewelry a lot, and made the comment to him about not being able to create anything lately, like i’ve lost my creativity for a time. He makes the offhand comment about ‘sometimes you need to distance yourself from things’
I took that to my heart and our relationship instead of just a comment about my creative slump. and when I went to hug him I felt him pull back a bit. Said he was gonna go pick up his son and come back to spend some time with me and never did. so im sitting here fluctuating between wanting to curse him to hell, wanting to put more energy into the jar, or wanting to end it all and wanting to go back to my ex instead. lethargic, but full of compulsive energy. feeling crazy and knowing this isnt who I am usually.
Tues eve i cast a jar spell that I linked in with the layered manipulation spell, the heartagram spell and the layered love spell, had sigils of all the demons associated with both spells and called on all of them at once. placed our pics entwined wrapped with red cord, sealed with red candel wax, a few drops of my blood, few drops of his fluids on a tissue. come to me oil, master, 7 sisters, and 7 African powers oil, rose, bloodorange, sandalwood oil all dripped onto the red cording wrapped that up in the heartagram picture, folded and a few more drops of blood. placed in a jar with Belial sigil burned into a round disc of wood, on bottom, the folded spell contents, and then topped off with a burned heartigram on another disc of wood, both facing the paper package))
Not sure where to go from here. I need to let go so that the magic can work because its buzzing around me like a swarm of angry bees. this is the way i want him to feel, only happy when hes with me.
Could use an outside opinion, advice.