Ever since my parents separated (the day( i think) i got this demon or something else follow me) up till now (17 years) my life seems to be always being testing. From abuse, sexual abuse, bullying, bad luck, depression and my behaviour (cheating, stealing, lying, saying things a “normal” 9 year old kid wouldn’t say or even know about) generally being a demon child. Then moved to 3 different countries for studying…and got interested with spiritual things
Up till 16 years later , life seems so be more “friendlier” to me but its cause i decided i have to control myself (basically hiding the horrible me…yes i have this side of me where i don’t want anyone to see it anymore) HOWEVER i cant see myself having a “tomorrow” (not going to kill myself) but i just cannot see my future…its like i am in the final testing stage. I cant even see myself living in this physical world by tomorrow…i am not scared of losing this body. So i am just using school to live on and do stuff. I don’t know how to explain more. I hope you understand it.
And guess what…i think Life is now using my real dad and step mum to “control/bully(?)” me
i would LOVE to see what the hell did i do to deserve this. I heard of Karam dept but i doubt i have one since my life (before i turn 4) was great. I had a dream house, best parents, dogs, cats…and so on. I also read that someone might be using my good karma stuff and use me to repay his or hers “karma” dept.
Since young i was a quiet baby. I didn’t cry much and beg much ( i only begged for a toy 1 time) (all said my my dad) like???
whats is going on with me and my life and everyone else…i seriously need some spiritual help. There is NO way i deserve my life to be this bad…NO DAMN WAY. well it could be true that i did something in my past life. However i am Lucas , not my past me and what ever i was…i can repay things that “I” did without knowing a thing on what i did my then
with all these trouble…i swear(heh…maybe) if that thing or person gives me so many trouble so get something out of me or whatever. I AM NOT GOING TO FORGIVE IT/HIM/HER/THEM FOR A LONG DAMN TIME…mess with me this much? HAHA GOOD LUCK.
(jeez ok i went out of control sorry)
will someone help or explain what is happening to me.