in a time of dispair i came accross a video featuring you. and talking about how magick helped you. i went to your page and in your about me it said something like i was brought to you for a reason. so i made an account in hopes of getting some feed back.
im new to magic although growing up i meditated and practiced reiki. i got to the point where i was able to hear my animals and friend’s thoughts. and ive even been able to push my thoughts into other peoples minds mostly on accident. say people kept talking over me i just mentally said what i wanted to and my friends thought i said it out loud but in actuality it was in their head.
i had a lot of trauma as a child which took control of my life. anyway my situation got worse at home even though i tried my hardest to stay. because i felt the only way i could reach a succsessful happy future was if i stuck it out with my family until i finished university. but the last straw was when i was 19 and my parents gambled away my money i saved up since i was around 13. and they woukdnt even admit to it even though i had evidence on my online banking record of the card used (my moms card) at their favorite casino…
after that i worked one last month in america and earned about 1,3000 usd and then i fled the country with hardly a good bye to anyone. because in my eyes they took away my future from me and i was fed up with the torment i went through up until then.
i attempted to start a new in a foreign land but… again… money seems to run from me. no matter how hard i try something goes wrong and my money is lost. for example i became ill and the downtime and medical treatment took nearly everything i earned. another time i just wasnt payed and the person who owes me fled the country. all that money i earned… lost. a lot of other things happened that are a bit more personal but just know i had tried and tried so many times to go about this the ‘right’ way that i feel like an empty shell now. just a walking zombie because nothing. i mean nothing has worked out for me. i feel so done about this that i cant even cry. im just like fuck who cares anymore. ive struggled three years just to now have health problems and no money to take care of it. there was even a time where i was in a bad state. i was ‘date raped’ he was actually a friend i had two years but suddenly he drugged me to where i couldnt even talk or lift my arm and then he raped me. in the following days i was so depressed dark spirits actually manifested themselves. i would wake up in a jolt to a dark figure in my room. maybe they were trying to help me but before speaking to them i got scared and told them to leave.
what i really want is to find success in some feild. my goal is to become a international flight attendant. but that costs money for the education and certification to get hiered. and i cant get a scholorship while in this country so i need to earn the money whith hard work. there were times i would work 3 jobs a day back to back a few days straight. im only 22 years old yet i have had a long list of jobs from: house sitter. dog walker. lawn mower. house keeper. baby sitter. sales associate. back stock associate. front desk operater at a hotel. nanny. photographer. actor in movies tv shows and dramas. english teacher. model for consumer products and product expos. voice actor for a book and bartender. looong list of jobs for someone my age so you cant say i didnt try to make something work out.
so i guess i should get to my point. after everything hasnt worked out im at my wits end and now im looking at black magic to give me the answer. i want to make a pact with a spirit light or dark that can help me out. i actually have no idea what i can ask for from a spirit but is it possible for them to unlock my mind so i can learn things very easily and have perfect aplication of the things i have learned? say i read a book teaching me a language can i then use what i learned and pass a test on that language. or watch a video on self defence and then be able to perform those moves with ease? ive never been good at studying and so this is a skill i really want.
also feel like why the hell not. if im already making a pact im wondering is it also possible to ask for skills to be a good model and actor? ive acted and modeled before but im just average and forgetable. if im already making a pact why not ask for something big like becoming famous. at least that is how i feel now. because im just really fed up with my current situation and i want a way out.
can you give me advice on how to go about it from here. such as what spirits might be best for what im asking for.