I know theres a lot of people that come to this forum because they’re new to whatever path they chose and they want help with understanding things. There’s also a few that have actual experience and knowledge.
I can’t say I’m new anymore, I’ve been on site for maybe less than a year. I’ve performed evocations, successfully and unsuccessfully. Still haven’t developed my astral senses. I’ve listened to book of Azazel a few times. I’ve denounced the christian faith and have accepted Lucifer, Leviathan, Lilith and Azazel in my life as I invoke them daily. I have been meditating, or trying to meditate daily for a few weeks now. Before I just didn’t make time to do it as I didn’t see how important it actually is.
I’ve had dreams where I was in what I believe is hell; no I wasn’t burning in torment. I was either having a good time with friends over beer or conducting business.
I don’t know if it’s because I’ve lived 30+years as christian and my mind still has the grooves or if it’s because I’m being called by heaven, but for some reason I feel conflicted. It hurts my feelings because I am actively working to grow closer with my chosen 4. Not because I’m anti christian, but because they have shown me great kindness and I appreciate them.
I feel myself growing. Things are happening to me that I don’t yet understand. This is all good. But the conflict in my mind and in my heart confuses and hurts me. As I’ve said I have successfully evoked before. I know it was successful just because, I know. But, I dont yet have the senses to see hear or understand what is being said to me so, my questions go unanswered for the most part.
I don’t expect anyone to answer my questions. I’m just wondering if anyone is willing to either scan me, or talk with my higher self or even speak with Lucifer, Leviathan, Lilith or Azazel for me? I know people don’t like doing this and I get it. But after last night and this morning I just feel like I need to ask this.
Thank you for taking the time to read this and for your consideration and energy.