I just don’t know what to do

Everything in my life has gone to hell.

It all started at the beginning of my sophomore year of college. I posted under the pseudonym about how college was getting overwhelming, but how at least I had my friends and girlfriend back home.

I seeked help, started going to therapy, was diagnosed with ADHD, and put on meds, but they didn’t really help. I dropped out of college due to this. I was getting too depressed and didn’t want to keep doing it. I wanted to return home, to find an entry-level IT job, and to try and work on my mental and physical health. I knew that just being home would really help cheer me up.

Until I come here, and immediately get broken up with by my girlfriend of 5 years, with whom I shared everything. She was the best thing to ever happen to me, and she ended up leaving me without warning, and immediately went to spend the night with my best friend (since 2nd grade), who has been ignoring me completely.

She really was everything to me. We went through everything together. We helped each other through a lot of rough times, we went through basically all of our firsts together, and we grew to know and love each other really well. For a long time, I was her only friend. I wasn’t a perfect boyfriend, but the love I had (and still have) for her is hard to put into words. It seemed almost perfect. She was the first person I met after transferring to a new high school, we had a lot in common, and we were insanely attracted to each other. She’s still my idea of perfection. I don’t feel like she can be replaced by anybody, and I certainly don’t feel that I could ever be so lucky as to find a girl as amazing as her again.

Ever since she left me on Sunday, I’ve been a broken mess. I’ve been dealing with it the past few days by smoking large amounts of weed, but I’m all out of weed, and it didn’t help much the past day. I feel angry, I feel betrayed, I feel like my life has been turned upside down. Everything was so perfect, and then everybody fucked me over. I just hope that they one day both realize how much they are hurting me. I don’t know what I did to deserve this.

I posted more about it on but I’ve found out a decent bit since then, and it only seems to get worse.

Like how she has been spending time with him a lot “camping” for weeks now. How she was out with him literally minutes after dumping me in person on Sunday. Apparently she was out with him on that Saturday, too, after telling me she was leaving me for the first time, and that she was really busy the next day and couldn’t do anything (I was trying to plead with her to stay with me). I mean, I let her do an open relationship with him because I thought I could trust him more than anyone to keep it sexual-only, and they betrayed my trust, badly.

She still claims that she has nothing going on with him, and that they’re just friends, but I’ve heard and seen enough that it’s obvious they are lying and fucking around with me. You don’t sneak out of your “friends” house at 4 AM after trying to dump your boyfriend. You don’t spend the night with “just a friend” immediately after dumping your boyfriend of 5 years. And it’s out of character for her to be so adamant that I leave her, and that there is no way to fix things.

Of course, this is out of character for both of them. Again, I have no idea why they would do such a fucked up thing to me.

This all hurts even more because it came out of nowhere. At the beginning of the month she was posting on Reddit and talking about our future together, and how we’d be together forever, and all kinds of (what is now evidently) bullshit.

I just don’t know what to do. It all hurts so bad, and I can still hardly function. Right now I’m awake, not because I want to be, but the thought of being without her, and the thought of him being with her haunts me too much. It’s too painful to be betrayed like this, by two of the most important people in my life.

If I wasn’t depressed before, I certainly am now.

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Hi @ammys09, your post was moved to it’s own topic so as not to derail someone else’s thread that was seeking help.

Please post an in introduction so the members here can get to know you in terms of experience and to get an idea of how to respond and advise you in your situation. This introduction is required in order to post in the forum. Thank you.

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Nothing lasts forever, not even out troubles