So I’ve found out the community college in nc will be open for classes. My family’s letting me sign up for one. The problem is the move will officially take place after a week from when classes begin.
I’m glad cause this means I’ll get to be back in school. This means I’ll finally get some structure and will get to be out of the house. I’ll even get to meet some people.
The problem is I’m scared. With time winding down from to the move I’m feeling very emotional.
A few weeks before the pandemic, I had…an episode. I’ve been going to this goth night club for several years. I’ve met plenty of people, but apparently made little to no impact on them. The last time I was there, a bouncer said that I make people (ladies) feel uncomfortable. I was hurt because after so long I hoped I was making progress. He didn’t say I Had to go, but I went anyway. I didn’t want to go home, so I decided to go to a strip club. It only made me feel worse. That incident is running through my head.
I decided not to go back to that club because I didn’t want t to make anyone else feel uncomfortable. Though, I got my wish because the pandemic started soon after.
In addition to the club, I’ve tried making friends at my local community college during those years and it was just the same thing.
During the pandemic, I’ve developed a certain idea about myself. My self image has only gotten worse. I don’t trust myself around people, especially girls. I try to avoid females on the street when I can. I don’t think I know how to approach anyone, especially females, without making them feel uncomfortable.
I’m fact, the pandemic has left me lacking in practice, but I’ve also began watching those stupid mgtow videos also. And all they do is increase my gynophobia.
Ive gone a whole year wishing I can be back in school, and now that I have that option, the idea frightens me.