I feel terrible

No I’m not sick. I think I’m in a period of retreating. I had a bad experience at qxt last month that’s gotten me kind of shaky when it comes to going out. I wanted to go to a party tonight but I chose not to. This retreating isn’t unusual but it’s also not healthy.

Luckily I have enough material to do a planetary ritual to mercury on Wednesday. I can’t decide between asking to improve social anxiety or improve school anxiety.

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I am not doing great myself with winter weather and little money at the moment. I sit in my car to watch cars go by just not to be at home at some other place. It as helped me in a weird way. I also ground and shield my energies too.

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Don’t forget the Hermetic Principle of Rhythm. The pendulum must always swing the other way. Just give this period of your life time to complete itself.

A recent example a couple weeks ago of this principle at work is I entered a small depression. My passion for this website waned and all I did for a short time was watch anime, masturbate, sleep, and go to work. I didn’t even do any work with my Bogi, nor meditate. During each day I kept thinking that I should visit Bog Veles, but I didn’t.

After about eleven days, I traveled to Bog Veles, apologized and he said that Slavic myth is cyclical, every story, it’s victories and defeats go on for ever. Every Spring, Bog Veles has victory against Boginya Marzanna, but every Fall, Bog Veles is defeated by Bog Perun. This is cyclical, and just as he is doomed for eternal boon and bust so am I, and not to be ashamed of the defeat, but accept it as part of your eternal myth.

Slava Bogum

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Veles isn’t a struggling 20 something year old in a 10 year depression. He’s a god.

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Right now, I’m listening to Wolf Chant in a sulk.

True, but I am also a 20 something year old who has been in an 11 year depression. The only difference between us is I accept my mental state as something to teach me, but you see yours as a pathology meant to be stopped.

Slava Bogum

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So what’s the purpose of all of this I ask. Being in a constant cycle of win/defeat is almost like a reincarnation cycle. They say it’s for the experience itself and learning, like a school for the spirit ( and still I don’t know if it’s a slave system or for a reason ) but for a God? Very depressing if you think about it. Yeah, one can accept that but from acceptance only your perception of this is gonna change, nothing else.

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It’s the Hermetic principle that cannot be overcome. There will always be highs and there will always be lows, these facts cannot be undone. All you can do is learn to appreciate the ride when the pendulum swings to the opposite side and you end up in a low.

Slava Bogum

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