I dunno what to do

Normally, I wouldn’t even post such a thing of weakness… “Oh poor baby, whatcha want… a biscuit”??? But this is becoming a pressing concern of mine and I offer this to the forum and what may come from it, so be it…

Last full moon, I cast a spell. It wasn’t perfect, as far as dogma goes anyway, but my intentions and invocations were 100% spot on. I’ve talked about it in previous posts. Now, I admit that circumstances aren’t exactly ideal at home. For those of you who have read my previous posts, you know what I’m talking about. If you’re not familiar with them, you can search them out on this forum.

At any rate, “the Righteous One” had a friend come over tonight who was, in 3 words: “A FUCKING MESS”! She was bragging about how her latest attempt at suicide was unsuccessful and she had just been released from the local, for purposes of this forum, "the Looney Bin:. Add to this that she is fighting for custody of her kids! Well, let her have her own fucking life and let the spirits place the children with their father with whom they belong.

But this is not why I am making this post…

You see, in the last spell I cast on the last new moon, I invoked Lucifuge Rofocale. Eynn tasa Volacur Lucifuge Rofocale was the mantra for invocation, and I fully believe and attest to his presence. I have never read nor heard of Lucifuge being a malevolent spirit, yet I did cast a protection spell to protect me, as I do not know him as well as some others of you do.

It would seem that since then, through seance of Tarot and just invoking his name, he is a friendly spirit or at least a spirit who has no cause nor will to do me any harm. Yet, as a precaution, I still cast a spell of protection. Question- would this offend him?

And what of Nitika? Benevolent malevolent or somewhere in between as she would have it on a case by case basis? I don’t know, I have not yet done any pathworking with her, but she has been known to have said to be the very best at what you do and have those around you be as feathers", or something of the sort… I’m not plagiarizing here, just recalling from memory…

If you remember, in my post from the spell I cast, I readily identified that it was a money spell, but also, a spell to bring my spiritual self into, at the very least, the world of the LHP circle of spirits, with a dose of caution to be safe. Man, there are over 10,000+ spirits within the Universe, i wanted to be firm and in command without being overly obtrusive or arrogant.

I have done many divination seance’s with the Tarot and it’s invariable nuance, but I keep getting the answer that things are essentially right around the corner. Well, it’s come to crunch time, and I have done my best to forget about the spell, but now circumstances dictate that I take further action and thus come the “I dunno what to do” part of this post.

I admit freely that I have been meditating on this increasingly more earnest, because this is something that I entrusted the spirits to accomplish, and within their own time frame. However, as I indicated, crunch time is rapidly approaching, and I really need to manifest results.

I have learned that I must be honest about calling upon spirits to accomplish a task for me and create the circumstances to allow my desire to truly manifest, however, it has only manifest in my mind and there is nothing that I can barter with that type of result. What I really need is REAL results. As I said, the Tarot say that it’s “coming sooner than I think”, well, I hate to be impatient, but aside from mental imagery, nothing has manifest into material reality.

I’m frustrated, and I do not fault any one spirit or entity, nor do I fault myself for not following dogma to the “T”. I have seen my baneful magick work, but as has been all of my life, when it comes to any type of financial NEED, I have been left high and dry. Within the Catholic church, and even before that the dreaded Southern Baptist Convention were my rote memory and action. That is until I discovered and had the courage to formally pledge myself to the LHP and within it, a central component is BALG.

So the deal isn’t working. Bottom line… and same as before… NOTHING. I get it, man! The spirits give and can take away at their slightest whim, but when I put confidence into a seemingly , with no evidence to contradict that belief, benevolent or at least “friendly” spirit such as Lucifuge Rofocale, and then, knowing my circumstances reveals nor delivers noting tangible that I truly now need, I am left with my hand up in the air.

As I mentioned, the only magick that I have truly practiced and had success with was baneful, and though it is necessary to possess those talents, I am simply dumbfounded that on my request/command/order all I get is that “its coming soon”.

Its my nature to be skeptical, but I had placed all of my being into this and yet nothing has manifest. I’m eternally an optimist, but I’m also a realist. So my question put out for the comments and criticism that this post will most likely generate, I blatantly ask the question: WTF am I doing wrong? And if it is meant to be one way and I desire one outcome over another, continually getting the ass end of the deal- usually feeling and more importantly appear to be a fool! WTF man? Really, what the fuck?: Am I not destined for something better through my efforts? Do the spirits have a grudge match going on where I’m the object of their relentless malevolence?

Its been a long and mostly successful day for me thees past few 24 hr periods we call days, but dammit, I need some tangible help, right fucking now goddammit!

is this the rant of a half-drunk mere mortal wimp or pussy, or am I legitimately putting this post out to the forum. Maybe some would say that I’m being bold by putting my honest “concerns” out there for the forum to comment on?

Again, I have been instructed to b=not beat around the bush, pleasing people with PC niceities and formalities,… so the fuck what! This is a real situation, and if all I can summon is baneful magick, then I have no “me”… I’m not out for greatness, albeit a very worthy endeavor… I am here for the benefits and to live a reverent life towards the spirits though, I am in “command”.

Seriously folks, think of me in what ever way you wish, but I am not willing to put up with sarcasm or mockery in replies to this post, and while perfectly “legal” within the guidelines of the forum, in my present state, i simply don’t need comments from the peanut gallery. What I DO need though is either a magickal method of manifesting whatever I desire with no help from any spiritual assistance- highly unlikely, OR a sure fire way to manifest what I need and desire so that I can get the fuck away from this roommate, have a life with my #1 Dennis, and be truly free to create the life that Dennis and I both want… yet, I have seen nothing yet, and as time is counting down to a major near impasse, I certainly don’t want to create bad blood between the spirits and myself, but honestly, sometimes a guy is left with no other choice but to abdicate or simply vanish into obscurity, and that would be sad… to be run off by not being given any support, resources, group magick, or simply a “YES” from the spirits.

So, I dunno what to do. I’m sure that there is a bevy of things that I could be used that I am not yet aware of, but I have to go with what I know at this point, and my desire being “right around the corner” or “coming sooner than I think sound like fortune cookie” bullshit. "Oh, how nice… fuck that… I did not come here for PC pleasantries nor false hope, but at this moment, the only world I can use effectively with regard to my “plight” is bewilderment. Fuckin A, why not go for disappointment, delusion, or just plain fucking crazy, and disassociative?

BALLS! I’m none of that, simply put, I’ll admit to jealousy to what others have created quickly, and I’m also pissed off that NOTHING I have voluntarily immersed myself in, whether by my parents or my own choices, has netted any significant result whatsoever, and I’m fucking sick of it! It’s not like I’m quitting or anything, but there is a point where patience runs out. Life circumstances, living within the bounds of the law that governs, are not, and have not produced a god damn thing of my desire! How is one to Become A Living God when all I produce are simple baneful magickal spells and nothing else?

To conclude, this was not meant to be a whiny, gripey, “woe is me” post, but a genuine request for some genuine, workable and honest feedback that works! Remember, I’m exhausted And for my final remark, I want to thank in advance those who can offer me in depth solutions- if there are any, to the empath’s I say Thank You, and to the haters ,well, its your right to post whatever you desire and I accept that freely, you see, I’m old school- aka Sticks and Stones fellas!

If anything, the things I talk about in the post make my determination and goal seeking desires stronger. One thing is clear however, and that is that I need a mentor.A good one at that.

I will rant from time to time about the happenings in my Occult life and I’m 100% honest about my frustrations… what good would it do for me to embellish or outright lie? It would be counter productive, I’d lose any credibility I may have had and my integrity would be nil.

After sleeping on this post and re-reading it several times since I woke up this morning, my resolve to press on and with much more of my being. I will find balance, and peace, and frustrations will undoubtedly come my way.

Airing my dirty laundry isn’t my style, but with the fuze already short, and with repetitive, vague and not-too-concrete revelations from my Tarot readings can get anyone to lose it every once in a while.

Based on that, I wouldn’t recommend relying on the Tarot for questions
about everything in one’s own life, sometimes life is just that. And Tarot or no, becoming dependent on the cards for every life situation isn’t healthy.and leads to things like my ranting and raving in my post above.

The divination process through reading the Tarot cards is a tool just as I was saying in a different post yesterday about how the cards and recording the reading can illuminate one in the here and now, and also days, weeks and beyond. They are a tool, not a means to an end. An extremely useful tool.