Some of you know I was on the extreme RHP to the point I should have just join a monastery or something of the sorts. I am very much different now and am growing slowly thanks to the Goetia beings that is helping me forge my life and making my goals and dreams come true. Where I’m getting with this is a experience I had last night that I still don’t understand.
Yesterday I was working on a new drawing of a goddess that after drawing it, found who it to be. But while I was drawing I felt a intense pressure on the crown of my head. It wasn’t like the normal pressure that I get when I meditate. This pressure became so bad I had to stop drawing and simply go to sleep despite me not ready for bed. As I lay there contemplating on what’s causing my crown to feel this way I felt a presence. This presence I recognized as angelic in nature. I started to try and place a name on it but it was none of who I would be interested in speaking to. I started to not trust this presence for good reason. Either A. my ex friend did a spell and sent out a angel to get even with me for basically cursing her for destroying my new life. Or B. They are trying to drag me back with them.
Yes as odd as that sounds, Iv been at tug of war with them on my spiritual path for some time now. Me desiring to go one way (LHP/Luciferian/Black Magic/what ever els lol) but forcing me, yes forcing me, to go towards and follow the RHP(aka light work , angelic magic, paying to “God” and so forth) I have been dreaming for years to brake free but was only as of late my shackles became loose enough to wiggle out of and experience what freedom of will and use my potential to choose how I want my life to go. So you can imagine having one the very beings come into my room unannounced for no reason that I can say I would desire to communicate right now. It only confirm when I saw him in my dream last night. No he didn’t have a message for me or anything real to say to me.
I just don’t understand why it’s so hard for them to let me go onto a path that I want and choose to be on. I understand they supposedly know the bigger picture but at this point of time I just feel like they tried to force me on to a path that I didn’t want to be on and a life that to me wouldn’t be fulfilling. I am going to meditate today to see if I can get some kind of answer or something that will tell me why they are being so hardheaded about this.