I don’t understand why it’s so hard

Some of you know I was on the extreme RHP to the point I should have just join a monastery or something of the sorts. I am very much different now and am growing slowly thanks to the Goetia beings that is helping me forge my life and making my goals and dreams come true. Where I’m getting with this is a experience I had last night that I still don’t understand.
Yesterday I was working on a new drawing of a goddess that after drawing it, found who it to be. But while I was drawing I felt a intense pressure on the crown of my head. It wasn’t like the normal pressure that I get when I meditate. This pressure became so bad I had to stop drawing and simply go to sleep despite me not ready for bed. As I lay there contemplating on what’s causing my crown to feel this way I felt a presence. This presence I recognized as angelic in nature. I started to try and place a name on it but it was none of who I would be interested in speaking to. I started to not trust this presence for good reason. Either A. my ex friend did a spell and sent out a angel to get even with me for basically cursing her for destroying my new life. Or B. They are trying to drag me back with them.

Yes as odd as that sounds, Iv been at tug of war with them on my spiritual path for some time now. Me desiring to go one way (LHP/Luciferian/Black Magic/what ever els lol) but forcing me, yes forcing me, to go towards and follow the RHP(aka light work , angelic magic, paying to “God” and so forth) I have been dreaming for years to brake free but was only as of late my shackles became loose enough to wiggle out of and experience what freedom of will and use my potential to choose how I want my life to go. So you can imagine having one the very beings come into my room unannounced for no reason that I can say I would desire to communicate right now. It only confirm when I saw him in my dream last night. No he didn’t have a message for me or anything real to say to me.
I just don’t understand why it’s so hard for them to let me go onto a path that I want and choose to be on. I understand they supposedly know the bigger picture but at this point of time I just feel like they tried to force me on to a path that I didn’t want to be on and a life that to me wouldn’t be fulfilling. I am going to meditate today to see if I can get some kind of answer or something that will tell me why they are being so hardheaded about this.


Wow, I can’t imagine how you are feeling. I would maybe say talk to Lord Lucifer or Lilith. I will keep you and your situation in my thoughts. It will get better.

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That’s evil for you. Runaway slaves are hunted down and punished.

Have you tried using binding or freezer spells to stop them working against you?

Also I suggest that dude shouldn’t have been able to dreamwalk to you, something’s amiss with your protections.
I would create thoughtforms, get a legion or other entity to deflect and attack that sort of thing, if it’s malicious, which includes spying.


Hey can I DM you? I have gone through all of this on my own personal path. If you want you can DM me and we can chat. Seeing this reminds me that I am not alone in my struggling with LHP and I wanted to let you know you are not alone with this either.

A lot of this I believe is our own guilt for the way that we were raised and loved our lives for so long. but I also believe because of things we have that blind faith that was drilled into our mind and it makes it easier to hear what Lucifer or who ever you are working with at that moment of time. You accept the smallest things easier as well.


Sure. I would love to hear. :slight_smile:

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Thanks everyone. I am going to do all I can to get in control of my own life. This has gone long enough. Enough is enough and I’m taking control over my existence and my life. To long I have been the rug, to long I have let others push me and throw me into things that in the end was not my highest good. To long I have walked a path blind and deft. I’m taking the reigns of my life now and will steer it how I please and not even the angels will control me and decide what I can and can’t do.

Unfortunately this is one of the many holes I’m trying to fill and fixed. Because of my past I have many of them. Some quite backwards such as the angels having the freedom of coming into my dreams while I am not lucid. I know and have known my defenses are basically screwed up and I am still working on blocks that is basically keeping me from creating good sturdy protection and say so on what can come in. In a way it’s like your in this room with a locked door. The only thing is you have no control in this door that well and no one can really use it well except a certain person or group that has this key to get in and do what they feel is right. So yes in a sense I was nothing more then a slave.

I am trying very much hard to change this and get things in order.

Honestly, I feel for you.

If banishing and warding your area regularly doesn’t seem to be quite working, then there are some other things you can do to make it less worth their while. If someone else sent them, well, that’s deserving of a special package.

Spent a lot of time in this area. Thankfully, I didn’t have a strong relationship with angels, but yes, the pull existed.

Once they realized I was willing to fight (and did), they decided it wasn’t going to work for them. And when I figured out that I could call upon my own inner divinity to exert authority in said fights, I haven’t been plagued since.

Since then, I’ve had a few, brief conversations with Raphael, Uriel, and one the other day (yesterday) that I didn’t ask the name of. At this point, there’s no animosity or hard feelings on either side.

I think they knew I wasn’t set in my path and still had doubts. I think they knew I also had to fight for it and pushed me to assist with that. Ironically, compared to how I was raised, they helped push me further down the path - because they knew I wasn’t meant to walk in the Light.

Hope it helps. DM me if you want to.

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So you certainly don’t have to work with any spirits that you aren’t comfortable being around, but I do want to say that angels, in my personal experience, are not incompatible with the LHP mindset.

It’s true that the angels recognize God as their supreme authority, just like how many demons recognize Lucifer as their rightful King and willingly follow his lead, but you don’t have to bow down or submit to God because God is You.

God’s Will is your Will, and the angels will work to make your Will and glory manifest. It’s easy to fall prey to Christian propaganda and believe that angels are these haughty, moralizing beings that will make you act all self-righteous and wake up early on Sundays, but in my experience actually summoning and directly contacting these beings, they are nothing like what most people would have you believe. They usually don’t even appear like they do in Christian art, basically as a human with wings, but more like this absolutely incredible work.

Again though I’m not saying that you have to put up with any spirits that you don’t want in your life. Your life belongs to you, so do what you want, not what anyone else wants.

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I’m aware of this and honestly was going to do this but they ruined it for me. They basically only want me on their side because of this and the fact that they have hurt me multiple times let alone lied to me, I have no choice.

An update on this matter. I became so pissed off and felt that I HAD to take action. So just a few moments ago I have stated with my foot down my dedication to my path. I made it clear to them and to all beings who may try this, that my life, my existence, is my own and that I am not by any means will let ANYONE decide what I can and can’t do.
I also made a pact to Lucifer, which yes is a bold move but one I find necessary for me to start to move fully from this, which indicates that I am not bowing to no one and I am taking Belials lessons “I am my own master” meaning I stand equal And my own person and will no longer stand to be a rug or a pawn in some game of chess, that i will not bow down to any one.
I have signed this oath, this pact with Lucifer and for only him to keep it. When I get the materials, I will make a official physical copy to have on my altar space to represent this vow I took and me taking steps in regaining not just my life and freedom but my true name back into my possession which in turn will grant me my full will and power back to me on top of which my name will be revoked from the angelic “books”. Yes I know some is permanent such as the records, but from what ever contracts or what not I have made to them and others in the past is no more. That I am now separated from them and their ranks and I return to the place that I have and still call home.