I don’t know what’s going on... A vent

There’s something going on with me right now and it’s driving me nuts. So, in true Lovecraftian protagonist style, I’m going to inflict my eldritch madness on all of you.

I’ve been having dreams, “promptings” from Lilith, odd synchronicities. None of these things are anything new for me. What is new is the intensity and the clarity of them, as well as the new twist of thoughts verging on the obsessive. I’ve done multiple tarot readings. I’ve done some ritual around it. All of it points at the same thing… the same person.

I’m having trouble keeping my feet under me, to be honest. It’s all perfectly logical when I look at the signs “rationally” but my skeptical mind is still kicking back hard against it. I didn’t ask for any of this. I’m not sure I even want any of this. Half of me wants to banish it all away and the other half of me wants to leap into the void just to see what happens.

If I have any actual point to make here, it’s this: Magic is messy. It doesn’t always fit into our nice neat categories and it has a way of giving you what you really want, whether you’re aware of that or not. Just because you are your own god and you made the road and the car, don’t ever kid yourself that the small “you” you are now is in the driver’s seat. Sometimes, all you can do is just relax and try to enjoy the ride.


Last night’s dream…

A presence. Calling me. The smell of roses, honey, and blood. Myself, a black object, radiating black energy like smoke. The presence, a purple vortex of energy. It’s wind whipping me like a hurricane, dissolving me. Dizziness. Nothing. The presence remains. I can almost see it. Wings. Fire. A sword, not for war but protection. A darkness beyond her light. My own wings, spreading. Close. Not quite touching.

I’m still not sure what’s going on exactly; but I’m not about to stop. Not now.


Its honestly seems very interesting mate. You may be being contacted and called for your destiny.

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