Before I start let me say, I am veeeery new to all of this. I’ve done some research on the deity in question, yet somehow I still feel very unprepared for this. So with that said, here’s my story.
As of late I’ve been doing a bit of research into baneful magick. This was mostly to help ground some of the rituals that I plan on reenacting in one of my stories. I did a deep dive into this one YouTube channel by the name of Infernal Obelisk, a guy I found on TikTok a while back. Me being the cynical piece of shit that I am, I first thought this man a charlatan. I tend to think that way about most ‘spiritual’ influencers nowadays. However, I gave his baneful magic course a watch and quickly realized that this man was not grifting. He is a true practitioner of magick. He gave these demonstrations of his rituals and with each one I could see, no, feel the hatred emanating through the screen as he cursed his target again, and again, and again. I also realized that my understanding of magick was completely off. It’s not about completing each step of a ritual perfectly and hoping for a demon to appear before you. It’s more so about being able a harness and channel ones own emotions (or energy) through different rituals. In the case of baneful magick, one must channel their hatred. I can’t make any judgement on the efficacy of such practices, but when I was watching Infernal Obelisk (IO) call on these different deities, it felt very real.
But this is all merely prelude. Had the story ended here I wouldn’t have felt compelled to make this entry. No, there is more to this story. I had actually participated in one of the exercises brought forth by IO. It wasn’t a conjuration or anything as intense as that. It was merely a meditation exercise, albeit one with a darker twist than I’m used to. The exercise goes like this:
- Enter a trance state
- Envision your root chakra (the red one)
- Hold your breath allowing the chakra to build then release
- Repeat step 3 until your root has built up to a raging inferno
- Gaze into the root, focusing on your deepest darkest thoughts
- Let your primal subconscious flood your mind
- Push that red energy upward through all 7 chakras, holding and releasing your breath when necessary
- Open your eyes, and bask in your hatred
Pretty gnarly stuff right? Anyways, I did this exercise twice yesterday on some psychedelics and I must say it got me in a very intense state of mind. After I did this exercise for the second time, I never took the time to calm myself down, I just fell asleep. As a result, my dreams that night were… interesting.
There are two dreams that I remember from last night. In one I was at a football match, though I wasn’t really paying attention to the game or the teams. I was a lot more interested in this man next to me. He wore a suit of black armor that covered him from head to toe. It was a classic medieval dark knight look with one catch. His faceplate was a black screen, almost like that guy from Daft Punk but flatter. Though, I’m not even sure if it was a screen or just heavily tinted glass. Oh, he was also at least a foot taller than me. For reference I’m 6’2”. Despite his ominous appearance I didn’t feel uncomfortable around this man at all. I don’t remember if he introduced himself, but I do remember that others passing by referred to him as Asmodeus. As a matter a fact, it seemed that everyone that walked by would acknowledge him then return to their business. I didn’t recognize anyone else in the dream and I don’t remember anyone else’s features. We stood there for a while, me and this tall man. My eyes drawn to him as everyone else was focused on the game down below. He never met my gaze directly nor did he ever speak to me, at least from what I can remember. He just looked down, observing the match. Yet still, there was no discomfort from my end, nor was there any hostility from his. The spell was broken when I heard someone scream his name from beyond my vision. He turned to look in that direction and then I woke up. It was shortly after that when I realized: Asmodeus was one of the beings that IO called upon in his jar spell ritual. Upon that revelation I was feeling… intrigued. Clearly those videos had more of an affect on me than I realized.
I went back to sleep feeling giddy after having such an interesting experience. Then I had another dream. In this one me and a friend were at a Dunkin’ Donuts, or at least that’s what they called the place. The seating reminded me more of a school, and there was even a professor like figure walking around the room. I saw no cash register nor kitchen and there was a chalkboard on one of the walls. Nonetheless, everyone had some type of meal or drink and insisted on calling this room a Dunks, so whatever. I was sitting next to my friend as he was engaged in a conversation behind me. I wasn’t involved in the conversation, but I did listen in a little bit. I began to listen fully when the people behind him began berating him. I didn’t catch the full context, but it seemed like when they began talking about one topic, my friend would move the conversation to an unrelated story about himself. This happened a few times leading up to now. By this point I hadn’t turned around to engage these people at all. I glanced back once but don’t remember their faces, it was a mostly masc group from what I remember. After several attempts of retelling this story and getting shot down by the group behind us, my friend disengaged and began sulking next to me. To be honest, I got why these people behind me were annoyed with my friend, but I’ve interacted with him for years, and I don’t mind this trait of his much. Not wanting to see my friend this way, I reassured him: “Hey you’re good man. Who gives a fuck about what some dudes at Dunkin’ Donuts have to say?”
That seemed to cheer him up a bit. Then I heard a girl’s voice behind me say “Excuse me, those ‘dudes at Dunkin’ Donuts’ have names you know?”
This time I fully engaged the group. I told all of them something to the effect of, “I know, and I’m sure you’re all cool people or whatever. But I wanna be here for my friend you know?”
I made sure not to linger on any one face as I said this. When I turned around to check up on him again, the girl spoke to me once more. Again, I can’t remember what was said here exactly but it was something like: “Heh, well isn’t that sweet. Name’s Paige by the way.”
I turned to face the speaker and got a good look at this woman for the first time. She looked somewhere in her mid to late 20s, black frizzy hair, short stature, a snake shaped nose piercing, dark brown eyes, and an ethnicity I couldn’t quite place. I can’t remember what I said after that. Just that I was engaged in conversation with this woman for a while. In that moment, she was the only person my eyes could focus on. Now, I won’t deny that I found this woman was attractive but, I couldn’t help but feel like something else was happening here. Anyways, somehow we had started ‘sword fighting’ with paper figures shaped like tentacles, much to the professor’s chagrin, and at this moment that I realized that my friend was still beside me. I had not heard from him this whole time, nor had I even looked in his direction. When I moved to turn around Paige asked me “What’s the matter? Aren’t you enjoying this?”
I stopped mid-turn and faced her again unsure of how to respond. She continued: “You worry about your friend so much, but why?”
Her face shifted slightly and instantly my mind was flooded with images I had chosen to forget.
You see, from 2020-2021, I had some awful rumors spread about me. And this friend had been the main one spreading them. I won’t go into detail about it but suffice to say I was very hurt by this. I was also one to avoid any and all confrontations, so I never really spoke to him about it. And in turn he never talked to me about the subject matter yet continued to spread these lies because he found them funny. He stopped when he found out that what he’d been saying was untrue and to this day has never brought it up again. He never apologized for it, probably because he thought I didn’t know just how much he was involved. I held a silent grudge against him for a while after that, never acting on it but definitely thinking on it. Though despite what happened, I still valued him as a friend and I wasn’t going to let this one ugly moment tarnish something I care about. After a while, I let the whole thing go and chose to forgive him. Or so I thought.
When I was faced with this whirlwind of memories, emotions, and images, I realized that I hadn’t forgiven him at all. Worse, my feelings had festered into borderline animosity. I began to question if I really saw this man as a friend at all. Had I just been lying to myself because I’d known him for so long? Wracking my brain, I focused on ‘Paige’ once more, her face slightly more angular, her eyes a little bit narrower, her smile a little bit less warm. I began to suspect that she wasn’t human. Slowly, her smirk faded and she regarded me with an expression I couldn’t read as she spoke these words: “Let him fall.”
She then grabbed my hair and pulled me towards her and whispered inches from my face, “And savor it.”
From there, I woke up.
I resolved to talk to this friend the next time I see him. I don’t know who ‘Paige’ is supposed to represent, but I have a few ideas. I’ve never consciously practiced magick, nor do I have any belief in supernatural deities. That being said, I do recognize these things we call gods, demons, and spirits as ideas. Ideas that inhabit the human mind and influence our thoughts, emotions, and values. In that sense, they are very real. And whether I want to call it Asmodeus, Paige, my shadow or just me, someone is trying to pull me towards… something. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t intrigued about where this journey will lead.
TL;DR: Skeptically researched baneful magick but got way more than I bargained for. Saw Asmodeus in my dreams and got some interesting advice.