How I Evoke My Emotions For Knowledge & Power


Call it what you will, a meditation, a ritual, whatever. What I am going to do is to ask my sleeping mind for symbols that represent my emotions. Each one will have a name, and take a form. I will interact with these images provided by my sleeping mind to build up my relationship and understanding of my emotions. So here is what I am going to do.

Go to the darkness. Make my mind still. In my mind write a note on a piece of paper, writing down the name of an emotion. Ask the darkness to send me an animal that is that emotion. Remember, for the sleeping mind there is no “representing”. It IS the emotion made manifest. Then I will cast the note into the darkness. Wait quietly for an animal to appear. I will not force it. If nothing comes, then so be it. Eventually one will appear.

I should not place any expectations on appearance or form. If it is a pink armadillo with bunny ears then so be it. When an animal arrives, then I will ask what it’s name is. Just because I asked for one emotion doesn’t mean that that emotion is going to come on his own. Some send others in thier stead. This often happens with frustration, who usually sends anger or rage in it’s place.

I will observe how the animal reacts, obeserve how they behave. I will try to come to know the nature of that given animal. Some may be loud and agressive. Others timid and skiddish. I will just observe them. This act is my acknowledging that they exist. Those who are loudest are usually the ones I have been denying the hardest.

My start is here. I will try to put together a menagerie of my own personal “emotional animals”, keeping a journal of what they look like, their behavior, their reactions to your actions. There is nothing to fear. The sleeping mind doesn’t want to hurt anyone. It will only do so if it left no other choice. First step is to observe! For now all that is needed is observation. Once they can be called and seen and interacted with the next step can be taken. I, as each who wishes to undertake this journey, becomes the “animal whisperer” of their own emotions.

For right now my job will simply be to request and accept what ever comes. Identify them and watch them.

I wish to point out (for those who will find the following strange if not alienating) that I will be asking my sleeping mind and speaking to it in it’s own language as it will do to me. The sleeping mind cannot be forced. What will happen will happen.



A few minutes after sending off my note into the darkness, I saw the contour of what looked like a dog, marked out by a white light. This quickly disappeared just as it had appeared, followed by a blackness like the one which preceeded it. Again after a few minutes I began to make out shadows without form which moved left and right.

Then with split second speed I was face to face with what appeared to be the head of a dog. Most notable being its fletching razor sharp needle like teeth framed by its retracted lips. Looking up I saw what seemed to be empty eye sockets. Like a hyena its head was out of proportion to the rest of its smaller body. Its rippling muscular power packed body was outlined by red and and yellow streaks in its fur running from head to tail.

It didn`t move but with its whole harmonious body seemed to be unmovebly fixed on me and everything I was about to do as if ready to pounce: its teeth were drawn ready for the “kill”; its empty eyes like black holes ready to swallow me whole; its body tensed like a well tuned machine ready to overwhelm me.

Then came an unexpected noise from pedestrians passing my window, which not only caught my attention but also caused the hyena to react in kind, snapping with its jaws in the direction of the window and that of my attention, standing between me and that distraction. Any thought on my part was also was met in kind with its respect inspiring snapping grimace, as if there were a no tolerance for interruptions. At that moment it seemed to be just it and me.

This picture and associated impressions followed me for the rest of the waking day.


This is really cool, I’ll have to try it - thanks! :smiley:



Thank you Lady Eva, I am glad to share especially if it of some use. This all has come to me also as a bit of a surprise, a pleasant one but one none the less. I really get the feeling that I am getting somewhere. Like I said once before, who said that space is the last frontier?

Well, since then I have been spending some time on this, again for quite some time without any visible success. Only darkness! Until today. I took it upon myself to buy two pieces of meat and a fitting cake. One of each I ate just to make sure they were good. Then I spent some time alone. To begin with there were those moving shadows, then I saw just a hound`s head silhoetted with light move from the right to the left. Then there was a period of pitch darkness. I wrote the word guardian on that paper, threw it into the darkness, waited, placed those offerings on the floor and waited. Admittedly I caught myself calling for it, that I wanted to speak, asking for its name, demanding to speak.

Then something strange happened, the moving shadows I had before me turned completely black like the eye sockets I had looked into, my teeth began to ache and felt as if they were those very needle teeth i described before. I saw only the two offerings I had put down. I began to sniff them, enjoying their scent, runnning their taste through my mind, only with the meat did my teeth begin to drip with saliva. Openning my jaws did I bite into it, what happened then I don`t remember.

Once more after a few tries I experienced my next encounter. My heart was pounding with a rapid regular beats, my mind swirling with various happenings of the day, images shooting past my minds eye. Then all of a sudden all was dead still. From one moment to the next no beat, no happenings, no images. Everything was pitch black. Like in the eye of the storm I made my move through that hole. Bundled with all my hopes, desires, and who I am I placed my offerings before me: left the cake, right the meat; knowing I was not a lone. Calling for the “zombie dog” on a written note which I threw into the darkness, I took a respectfull step back and demanded its name. Its visage unclear infront of me, cocking its head sideways to the meat, it took the meat. In that moment I felt empty and numb inside, as if I were being devoured. Left with no feeling what so ever.

It declared it is AEON, TIME, CRONUS. It stands between me and my past; it stands between me and who I am; it stands between me and who I am to be. I am to to tell you who it is. Various images past my minds eye which I cannot remember except a vastness filled with clouds and empty space. Placing another piece of meat at my feet it seemed to devour both cake and meat a like.

Waking up I returned, feeling weak and somewhat dizzy.



My plan is to continue and open my pandoras box. Take that road between my shadow self and the source of me. That road after Aeon, and with Aeon who I value as a good ally. Each time asking his admittence, getting to know him, making him more and more a conscious part of me, mastering him through decisiveness so that he learns to respect me. After all he is not only that wall which keeps me out from darkness but protects me from it. So yes being kind to myself is important but taking action I deem appropriate at the given time (as in the insistence of Aeon`s name) is too. Another ball game all together are those repressed emotions, I will let them speak to me one after the other as they decide to and point me in the right way where ever that may be. To continue to listen and test what you say by doing. I will continue as I have done and from where I left off.

Which leads back to the question “What is darkness?”



After being allowed entrance by Aeon I brought and threw my note with JEALOUSY, threw it into the darkness, and while waiting asked for an animal to show itself. It didn`t take long for what looked like the darker shade of a snake approach me head on out of the darkness and circle me a few times with its long thick body. It was long and thick enough to easily swallow me. Stopping with its head infront of me it errected itself, and opening its mouth looked like it was about to swallow me but after just covering my head with its mouth it retracted itself. Circling me it took a look side on at me with one of its luminescent blue eyes. Once again it errected itself (blue underbelly and green top) unfolded its sides resembling a cobra, and in one lightening move swallowed me whole. Once on its insides I found myself to be in what I could see to be a winding road, which I followed. Coming to its end the snake spat me out at a place which seemed to be deeper, darker, and further away than where I was before. The snake was no longer there.


This is fascinating, get in this thread folks, some stuff here that links to things done in core shamanism, cool work! :thumbsup:

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Ever since I met Aeon and Jealousy my health has been going down hill and the last two days I have been feeling quite ill, which has if anything served me well as a break from my journey. My swollen glands disabled my speech and the ability to swallow, the knot in my wind pipe makes me bark like a Rottweiler dog, each bark makes me feel like my chest is being torn open, fever has weakend me to a point that I had to accept anything which came my way, I lost my sense of taste for food which made me choose that which was neccesary rather than that which I liked. This all made me think about my work strategy with my emotions in my darkness. Forcing them in anyway will only put them further into darkness, making them to my own creation an extension of my consciousness and build another wall. Emotions are another ball game. I will let myself go and my drive for control, interact with spontaneity, learn by listening and asking. Try and understand what they all have to say about darkness and my part in this.

A relevant and probably true explanation. Yes my immune system seems to be rock bottom at the moment. My main and innitial illness was glandular fever, now I have the viral flu infection and I`ve also noticed my skin is opening up into sores at places. It does seem to be quite a coincidence. What is also more interesting is that I have been noteably ill (missing work) since 4 years now.

If this is the reason then it is really time that this should happen. It does make me wonder what is still waiting for me and I may stumble upon. As to my celebrating it, yes strangely enough I do feel good about it. I hated going to doctors, being ill, being dependent and admitting weakness. Now I feel I am enjoying a good quality glass of single malt.

When Im confronted in my nursing career with the symptoms of others, we as a team try to interpret or deduce where they are coming from and what they are trying to say. I am convinced that illness just dont pop up randomly but particular ones appear for particular reasons as if they were speaking a language. I have been wondering what my ailments may be trying to tell me (through their very nature, their intensity, their time of appearance, where they appear, how long they last… ) despite their being a result of released presure.


That puts me in mind of this:

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Thanks Lady Eva for that gift. I did not know about this and when I read the article, especially…

"Stricken with smallpox, the future shaman remained unconscious for three days, so nearly dead that on the third day he was almost buried. He saw himself go down to Hell and, after many adventures, was carried to an island, in the middle of which stood a young birch tree, which reached up to Heaven. It was the Tree of the Lord of the Earth and the Lord gave him a branch of it to make himself a drum. Next he came to a mountain; passing through an opening, he met a naked man plying the bellows at an immense fire on which was a kettle. The man caught him with a hook, cut off his head, and chopped his body to bits and put them all into the kettle. There he boiled the body for three years, and then forged him a head on an anvil. Finally, he fished out the bones, which were floating in a river, put them together, and covered them with flesh. During his adventures in the Other World, the future shaman met several semi-divine personages, in human or animal form, and each of them revealed doctrines to him or taught him secrets of the healing art. When he awoke in his yurt, among his relatives, he was initiated and could begin to shamanize. "

…it made my heart race to enter hell. I feel more alive than ever before.



The cobra in my second meeting was more direct in its arrival, but reamained unnapproachable. When I tried to touch it it moved back changing to the colour red. Moving back toward me it changed first of all to yellow and then its origional blue/green shading.

It was very open to talking though. “I am the King Cobra. The one who devours that which seperates me from who I am. I am the path which can lead you to who you are, what you desire to be and cherish.”



Today I took my note with Anger written on it. Contrary to the times before I asked for Aeon, holding my offerings, inquiring as to passage to my emotions. No problem! No sooner had I passed than appeared the King Cobra, who without further a word took me to that darker place beyond. (What I did notice this time is that the King Cobra has two heads: one to swallow me; the other to spit me out). Everything that was said in mere presence and guestures made words superfluous.

I threw my note and waited and waited. Yet only darkness. Although I could sense a presence. This held for a while, until I decided to take the initiative and walked in the direction of that presence. It didn`t take long to find. It was large, black, hairy, muscular, hunched forward, sitting on the floor with its back to me. From what I could make out it was a monkey of sorts. Reching out with my hand I dared to stroke it making my intentions clear and who I am. At this it slowly turned and looked at me with glowing red eyes. It was clear that this animal was a Gorilla. Unlike the King Cobra and Aeon, understanding came not through the spoken word but what I understood in his eyes.

Very sad in aspect he made it became clear that he is the one who is both socially and personally shuned (a source of embarassment) but never the less is called upon at times when it is convenient. Unlike Aeon and King Cobra, he has no directive. A purpose without a cause. Like an animal in a circus act he diverts the attention of on lookers away from that which should not be seen. He takes the pain of the moment of time, only to retire and lick his wounds. Standing upright on his stocky hind legs, awesome in stature, beating his chest like echoing drums, his eyes turned into empty bottomless white lights, without expression. Sitting down again, he pointed out with his red eyes that impression that said everything. “Who am I? Who are you?” he added.

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Once again I was met by my “friends” but in a way unlike any time I experienced before. Aeon let me embrace him in my arms, shoulder on shoulder, enjoying the moment; turning together we were met by King Cobra in no time, mouth wide open he swallowed me with the utmost of care from below (feet first) taking a position which demonstrated great personal vulnerability; stepping out, and not being spat out I saw Gorilla immediately, who stood to greet me with those white eyes of his and a loud bellow out of that voluminous chest of his, took me by the hand and led me to another part of the darkness. After his taking a step back but never leaving my side (and although I could not see the others I noticed their presence) I threw my paper with Fear, respectfully asking for audience by an animal representative.

A formless light shimmer, moving from left to right and vice versa, growing smaller and larger, swayed above my head. Just when I thought able to grasp it it changed or moved. Until many legs, then a body, a head, eyes, and finally a black colouring materialised. From what I could make out it was a Black Widow spider, but just as I identified it and grasped for it, it disappeared only to be then clasped by eight large powerfull black shiny legs. Looking at them they dissappeared, only to find myself reflected in one of its larger than life eyes. Just when I thought I had assessed the situation it too had disappeared. Intangiable was this “game” of form and formlessness, idea and no idea, etc. It escalated at such a rate that I find it difficult to put into words. And before I could collect myself I was faced by an intricate larger than life web which barred any way of passage. A product of our experience together. But only she the Black Widow could open it and only I could step through. When I stood still the Black Widow sat still on the web, when I moved she moved to meet me at the web, when I stretched out a leg she made an openning in the web with her legs.

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After being allowed passage I had to pass the spider web alone. So decided the Black Widow. And athough the web was just as any other, a wall intermeshed with loose hanging threads, the darkness I met on the other side was a stark contrast of an intensity unlike any other I met so far. Like after having an anaestetic before an operation. A lifeless deafening numbness out of which what seemed to appear a raven tore my “hate” note right out of my hand, took to flight over my head, landing in front of me, cowered in what seemed to be a ball with its back to me. Calling to it, I reached out only to be painfully packed on the hand. Holding my bleeding hand I could see its face. I was shocked and intreaged by its almost human features. Its eyes were human, whose sharp stare was underlined by the smile of its pointed beak alined with white human teeth. My question as to who or what it was it answered in a clear human voice with the words that it was what others had made it to be and what I allowed it not to be. It held its distance and made no further comment. The intensity of everything (the darkness, the silence, my solitude, its stance, its stare, the pain in my hand) were unmistakeable.

As I asked the Black Widow for passage, a section of web was opened to me, and I was about to step through I noticed two of its spindly legs reaching down to me. Although they did not hinder me on my passage they readied me in a state of alertness which I carried with me onto the other side.

And once again I was confronted by the cold intensity of the Raven I had met the other day. I asked it why it was here, to which it replied “for the same reason you are here!” “I am what is human with a human face! You are the human face with what is human in you! I am beyond understanding and easy to grasp!” We are not alone here…



…no sooner said than done I first heard then felt a cold breeze coming my direction. Beginning to turn on its own axis like a miniature tornado it tore my note with love written on it out of my hand. This almost physical coldness, in contrast to the sense of coldness I experienced with Raven, chilled me to the bone making me freeze like a statue. And in stark contrast to the cold darkness around me appeared a brilliant white cuddly Polar Bear with large deep set botomless black eyes. Heavy set in its walk it almost gave the imression of being extremely clumsy. It see-sawed from left to right, shaking its head from left to right, its fatty skin vibrating in unison with the ground shaking thumps as its feet hit the ground. It didnt seem to look at me in particular, it didnt seem to move to me in particular, but with every step it came ever closer. Without any apparent intention it opened its mouth and roared; without any apparent intention it pawed at thin air; without any apparent intention it bit me in the neck and hit me with its paw. The next moment I felt is warm support as it leaned with it thick mane against my side.

“I am not what I seem to be. I am everything and nothing. Ever taking, giving what wants to be taken! The pain doesn`t let me forget.”



Before continuing on my reflections and running the risk of knocking up a meaningless list of disassociated emotions I just wanted to get clear in my mind as to what has happened so far and where I seem to be going.

Up until now I chose those emotions which have left some kind of lasting mark on my life in one way or the other or with which I have had intensive unforgettable experiences with. Curiosity got the better of me. And even though I have followed them up at random it has become increasingly more apparent to me that these emotions have managed to build up a harmonic functioning unit or are beginning to make sense at least as far as my conscious mind is concerned. Each emotion seems to be inseperably conected with the other, and I am convinced that no matter which emotions I would have tackled first this result would have been the same. This is not surprising considering that my person is the common denominator to all of this.

Clear is that each of these emotions are very different to each other, each with a distinct personality but each seems to be inseperably bonded to the other in my person. And like with any other person we meet in life time is also needed to build up a working relationship with these. This is not as easy as it may seem since there is alot which has already happened between us much not having been positive. Each emotion proved to be the key to the next whose help seemed to be indespensible to get to know the next. It is as if though my ignorance to and my surpression of my own emotions plus their reciprocal aversion constituted the darkness within me. My attempts to get to know them has brought a light into my situation.

I seek to explore and thus understand the darkness my person has created in myself, and through that radiate that which I am outward from a true source to become a spiritual sun that warms … or burns … that which comes to us.



This was not the first attempt to call on an animal to speak for Rage. I called on it from the depths where both the Raven and Polar Bear were to be found. After giving up my note and calling, I was met by a succession of heavy thuds like drums followed by stumpy legs. It felt as if though the ground would vibrate in unison with each step taken. As these legs drew closer the rest of it became visible revealing it to be an impressive Bull Elephant. Before I could make a move or say anything it sounded out a trumpet like noise, which numbed any thought I might have had. In a threatenening manner it wisked its great white tusks in my direction. As soon as I wanted to speak it quietened me with that same noise. I had no other choice but just to watch.

On a closer look I noticed its skin was marked with strong sharp hairs, which when i reached out to touch pierced my skin like sharp needles. These hairs concerntrated themselves on its back giving it a black appearance. Its head was red. I also noticed on its back left leg a sizeable bloody cut which when I touched instilled a mass of familiar painful memories. I had a feeling that its stature, its impressiveness was a response to that pain.

Lowering itself it let me mount its back. At that moment everything seemed to get larger, the Bull Elephant, me, my feeling… .Respectful all the other animals just quietly stood aside and watched. Bull Elephant had the main word. It then moved on to where I recognised was Aeon, it took me out of darkness. Shrinking in size to such an extent i found myself back on my feet where I began my journey. Bull Elephant disappeared just as he came.

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My treatment of the wound. Interesting idea! Equiped with a Kamomille herbal healing cream and bandages I was surprised by being allowed to tend to his wound (which stretched more or less the length of its left back leg). Carefully I applied the cream into the wound (which judging from the heat being eminated from it seemed to be infected) and secured it with the bandage. The whole time Bull Elephant kept a carefull eye on me. What I did notice while treating the wound was that the Bull Elephant was begining to loose its defining features: less big, more blured, less of an elephant. Most surprising however was that it began to cry. As soon as I was finished, blood began to seep through the bandage, the cream and bandage began to disappear, and the Bull elephant began to regain its aspect. Looking into his left eye I began to understand in his knowing look that he was what he was because of that wound. To take away that wound would be to take away his identity: his power; majestic stature; his ferocity; his aspect; his identity. His letting me tend to the wound showed me how he wanted me to understand this. His pain was a source of strength contrary to logic.

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Could it be that perhaps he is afraid of change … as much as I am? Perhaps he shows what he knows because he knows no different.

This is communication with the sleeping mind. I have been shown a path. I can treat a wound … which will take time and many tries … or I can let my rage continue as it is. This act of mine is true communication with the sleeping mind. Not word but deed. And yes, Rage will change, but that is the nature of the animals. Is this it’s true form or what it has become? Only experimentation will know.

Did rage show me to teach myself? Or did I see things as they were, and feel that even the greatest of monsters fears change.

Things to consider. This is the first real step I have taken to join and work with your emotions. They change as I do. Treating the wound tells the sleeping mind that these pains are okay to let go of. It doesn’t do so easily. This was excellent communication, and communication the sleeping mind understands.

I should not be in such a hurry to accept things as unchangeable. Remember, I am here because I am NOT satisfied with things as they are. This means some things are going to change.

As the wound faded so did the form of Rage. When the wound returned so did the form. This provides an interesting observation. When the wounds come, the form (a war form) manifests. This currently exists because of the old wounds. There will be new wounds that will come as well. That is life. When the new wounds come, so will the strength of Rage return.

The question is do I want to hold on to the old wounds to maintain the war form? Should Rage have such a majestic form all the time? If so then I will have to maintain it. I will have to feed and tend to it. This will take energy that could be spent on other things.

Also, a thought that occured to me for consideration. Imagine this form as a living creature in your life. Where would you keep it? I cerntainly can not keep it in the living room. I would need to stable it somewhere. Likewise, such a creature would be dangerous to keep around all the time. I would need to be careful to not let family, patients, friends get near for they may get hurt. Though looking at it this way may be odd, it shows what affect these animals have in our daily lives.

Should Rage be in this war form all the time?

I am very lucky. I have been given a symbol from the sleeping mind in the form of this wound. I am shown the old pain that I am holding on to and keeping alive. This is an opportunity for healing if I choose to take it.

It is okay to let go of past wounds. There will be more. Do I really want to keep carrying it around? Rage cries while the healing is happening. We don’t like to get rid of our pain. We love our pain. I don’t pretend to know why, but we hold grudges, and hatred. Rage may have been crying for his loss, but our emotions are animals. They don’t understand the bigger picture. This is where we bring mind and emotion together. I will give Rage my love, but giving it all it wants may not be wise. My Rage is never sated.

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Do they get turned into thought forms. I’m too lazy to read everything could you explain the process?

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