Recently a family member of mine died to the virus. Before then, I was doing all I could to help the rest of the family as well as doing the magick I felt like would help. Countless healing spells, evocations, protection spells, as well as the virus frequency hacking spell released not that long ago. It appeared as though they were getting better, and all of a sudden they were gone. After that I asked myself many questions and had many doubts;
“What if I meditated more?”
“Maybe if I did one more ritual”
“If only I was more powerful”
I felt like I was at fault. That somehow their death was because of my lack of ability as a magician. Now, this has splintered my growth as I’m constantly in fear of if something worked, if I’m good enough, if I was ever worth my salt to begin with.
I decided to invoke Azazel, to gain wisdom on this situation, but to also feel comfort from a spirit who has given a lot to me. To which I heard, “I want you to do something for me- stop blaming yourself.”
So I guess the question(s) that I’m asking is: When things take a turn for the unexpected, how do you deal with those moments? How do you deal with the doubts and guilt those moments come with? How do you deal with the fact that you tried your best, and it didn’t bring about the results you hoped? How do you deal with, for lack of a better term, failure?
Thank you for taking the time to read my post, and have a good day. Stay safe!
Everything that happens that doesn’t match my perfect dream world of manifest destiny is my karma bringing me to experience exactly what I need to experience in order to learn exactly what I need to learn at this time.
Existence is an infinitely intricate and ultra-sophisticated balance of delicate subtleties. I have programmed my subconscious to perceive any events that disagrees with my intent as part of the divine plan that I have agreed to play a part in all along.
Glitches are important for you to feed off of. You need the chaos of dissatisfaction to reroute your methods unto alternative systems.
No, no and no again.
See, the deal is: what is happening right now to each and every individual in this worldwide epidemic deals with SO MANY variables which have a big influence over our success when it comes to protection and healing. I am kinda sure that every at least half sincere practicioner has SEVERAL people under their wing that they are trying to protect at the same time from this virus and its many consequences. A lot of us are tired and exhausted plus we all have to deal with mundane tasks to keep everything going as good as it gets. It is not your fault. It is not your lack of knowledge or skill. In these times you can only do so much.
As much as it hurts: I simply continue. Because no one will stand up again and nothing will be fixed only because I feel guilty and because I blame myself or throw a pity party for something that didn’t work out. I keep on going because stillness invites fear and self doubt and blind actionism because of guilt invites stupidity. (I damaged my health because I had a massive guilt trip over not being able “rescuing” someone from something preventable. There would have been many different options but I decided to let guilt and self blame consuming me and I paid the price. It was a lesson I won’t have to learn again but on the other side it was a lesson that wouldn’t be necessary if I would have slept over everything and approached it in a reasonable manner)
You are not to blame. You will keep growing.
I hope you will be able to heal over your grief.
I’m sorry for your loss I’m going through a bad case of failure these days , to tell you the truth my life has always been this way , when I started magick it helped here and there but the struggle and rejection never really stopped , makes me wonder if magick can actually change destiny . On the days when I think things are working out , are they really or I’m just feeling good because I feel hopeful?
Don’t look at this as failure,look at this a new direction,We can’t force what was intended for us from spirits,we just have to align with it…
Instead of rejecting,we align and become one with the virus
I am sorry for the loss of your friend. But Azazel has a more than valid point: you need to stop blaming yourself. It will not serve you, and the stress will only hinder your own immune system. Unfortunately, this is one of those events where not everyone is going to come out alive, even with the help of magic. There are too many variables. But it sounds like you did all that you could.
As far as how I deal with failure, if I have done all that I can, I accept the failure and extract as much knowledge as I can from the experience before moving on with my ambitions. Life is short and I don’t have the time to dwell on my down falls, especially concerning I have others who depend on me. I live life through the mindset of a king and my responsibility to take care of and allow my “kingdom” to thrive trump over the sorrow of my failures. The talk is easy, but the walk is not.
Failure?I self destruct, then lash out on everything else until the self destructive rage cools, then do what I failed at again, to create a cyclical flow of mental disease…Im at least honest about it. I dont deal well.