when I began my journey into the occult I searched for the system that resonated most with me. After getting to know the outer layer of different believes/systems/philosophies I ended up within theistic Satanism, more precisely theistic Luciferianism.
Back then my main source of information was Diane Veras theisticsatanism.com.
Contrary to JoS for example she advocated for getting to know theistic Satanism before making a commitment. Despite feeling a strong urge to do it right away this felt like sensible advice and Ive spent at least 3 years amassing knowledge and refining my beliefs, and I still havent initiated myself.
Now, Im wondering if Im ready. On the one hand Ive done tons of research and I know the general direction I want to go in.
On the other hand there is doubt within me if it is the correct path for me (despite having ruled out all other paths I came across thus far) and that I may still not know enough.
I think its important to note here that Im not gonna do a life-long commitment just now but rather a preliminary one like miss Vera proposes.
Is my doubt unnecessary? Did I do all the preperations necessary? Is my fear just an irrational left over part from my upbringing?
Or is it cautioning me against initiating into the wrong path?
How did you guys knew you were ready to initiate yourselfs? Were you 100% convinced or did you have doubt nevertheless?
What are some hallmarks to look for that can help me with my decision?
My advice is to listen to your own intuition. You already know if you’re ready or not. Don’t let your conscious worries and doubts drown out that inner voice.
The traditional function of initiation is to bring you into another reality, a greater one. When done properly, it changes you, your view of the world, and your place in it.
In modern times, initiation seems to be more about tapping into a specific energetic current, than it is about opening you up to a whole new reality, and generally it is a self-initiation, rather than performed by a group.
Your doubt is natural. We humans always second guess ourselves. when making important decisions. Ultimately, though, the choice is yours alone to make, and all you can really do is trust that you weighed the pros and cons, and then take the leap.
So it is normal to still be doubtful and not be 100% sure?
You are actually touching on one of my doubts here. Namely that I dont do it well enough. I am aware that this is my perfectionism at play, but Im still thinking “what if that thought is correct and I do fuck it up somehow?”.
I did “no props” a Wiccan self initiation which for example was on the SpiritOnline website. My thought was that, after several years of magical and spiritual study and practice, it was time for some attempt in such direction.
A Golden Dawn way to figure out if one is ready (or to directly prepare and self initiate), consists in verifying the previous execution of some steps: an initial cleansing, for example shower or washing hands then saying Psalm 51; elemental invocations; angelic invocations going upwards from Malkuth; and possibly Abramelin or Bornless Ritual.
Yes. All you can do is choose, and then act or not act from that choice. That is the only option any of us have. The only people who are 100% sure of anything in life are the truly insane, and the very young. All the rest just weight the risk and then take the leap, willing to accept the consequences of their decision, whatever they may be.
You can’t fuck it up, because the truth of the matter is, the initiation is not up to you, it is up to the powers that you are calling upon. All you really need to do is make that call, and then remain open to the experience.
Thank you DarkestKnight. That has been really helpful and reassuring for me.
I kinda always thought I had to be 100% certain and that I would be an idiot if I try before that.
Thanks for giving me some perspective!
And remember, it’s possible that you won’t experience anything at all during the ritual itself, but it doesn’t mean it didn’t work. Remain open, and you will likely find the powers beginning to seep in over the course of the next few weeks. Initiation is an unfolding process, not a once and done kind of thing. What the initial ritual does is simply get the ball rolling.
Again thank you.
Actually while writing my initial post I realized that I am only held back by my fears, I still wanted to post it and see the replies I get.
After reading your replies I decided that I should do it and that in all likelyhood I am ready to do so.
After deciding that I had some imaginations/visions which proved to me that it is the correct way to go forward so Ill probably go through with it within the next one or two weeks.
You gave me the final push that was needed to overcome my fear, thank you for giving me that push.
Go for it my man. It’s not like a Cartel or Mafioso oath where you have to be in it for life, where the only way out is death by betrayal. You just align yourself with a particular cosmological power, Empyrean or Chtonic, and see where it takes you, for better or worse, who’s to say in the end, eh?
You’re a microcosmos. You always have options, going down a particular route and opting out for something better. If something particular allures you strongly, go with your gut and be true to yourself. Being forthright, no BS and sincere goes a long way with humans, spirits and deities regardless of rank and hierachy. Just make sure that you have a general idea of what you’re getting into and that you have enough confidence that you can handle it. Having doubt is a good way to keep yourself in check. You’re not locked in to anything, you’re a free agent
One more thing Im curious about is what you guys think on doing the initiation once vs multiple times. Diane Vera for example advices to do her initiation 3 days in a row.
Im leaning more towards doing it once and then maybe contemplate on it the following days.
It’s like an altar. You set one up for, say, Hathor. Or Lilith. Something Venusian, working with the love/death current. Immersion, ecstacy, art, proportion, beauty, sexuality, charisma, violence, dominance, submission etc.
You can make so and so offerings on the altar, but the true one is within your soul. What good does it do to put dates and redwine on a tablecloth if you neglect the Venusian aspects within yourself? It’s just an outward show if you don’t live it
Don’t get too pedantic about rituals and initiations. As long as you live it and welcome the force in your inner sanctum, you should be good