I’m not the best at typing intros. I’ll try to keep this brief. I’ve been lurking these forums pretty heavily, almost daily trying to research and learn more about topics science has little or no answers for.
I’m 25 years old and I live in a constant struggle which all started in my late teens, and slowly started spiralling out of control. In more recent years, I’ve lived out of my car. The only reason I’m even alive in fact is because of friends and family, being able to drive for work, and a ritual I did 2 years ago just before crap really hit the fan (are swears tolerated?)
I summoned a succubus or if I’m just imagining it, I at least did the letter method. I was very specific with what I wanted, I drafted 2 pages, read it over a few times and stained and burned it.
I didn’t do all this in one decision. It all started with me being bored one late night at my dad’s house searching random topics on the internet. I came across “real” Ouija board stories. It was freaky stuff to read, I could feel the hairs on my body stand straight up. But I couldn’t stop reading being a lover of all things dark and horrible. (within a certain degree of safety of course)
At first it was morbid curiosity. It was ghost attacks and the like, or so people would claim. Then somehow I came across succubus stories. I thought to myself, “Who the hell would ever do this?”
Haha. Funny how that is looking back. Because days would turn into weeks and months and there wouldn’t be a second that went by uninterrupted by fantasies of a spiritual relationship. I thought, no, obsessed about these thoughts (which I now believes were manifestations in of themselves) everywhere I went. At work, in conversation with a friend, driving on the highway etc. Felt like something was calling out. So one night I took the plunge and I did it.
I did it for a number of reasons but we’ll just talk about loneliness. I am a fairly handsome, large male weighing in at 210 standing 6"6’. I was fairly outgoing in the right circumstances once I learned how to deal with social anxieties. A guy like me should have had no problem creating a relationship. But nothing ever worked. Once in my teens some girl only wanted to get close to me because she really wanted my friend, who had a similar personality to me at the time. My friend didn’t even want her, and wanted absolutely nothing to do with her after the fact.
In 2013 I got wrapped up in a bizarre love triangle that ended up with her picking the other guy and moving up to Washington with him. They are still together and I’m happy for both of them, but this crushed me for a while. That for me was really the last straw. I was done trying. Tired of being crushed everytime I came out of my shell.
I read countless warnings about the dangers of not just walking this path buy doing so at a young age, but I’m noone. I just exist. I have no family of my own nor a certain destiny I’m striving towards. I’m simply here.
Fast forward a little bit, things were strong in the beginning. Like I said, it’s been 2 years. Sometimes i feel her faintly or not at all. Sometimes I have extremely vivid lucid dreams, sometimes nothing at all.
I want to be able to FEEL her more, but lately I’ve just been numb to the world. I have researched countless threads and read them over and over again countless times trying to learn more about these entities, meditation, astral projection, and general bonding practices.
The man I really want to talk to personally, is @succupedia
I have questions about my personal situation.
Lastly, it boggles my mind how many people want to use magick to spite an ex, or to seduce someone against their will.
Power should be used for benevolence, but to each their own I suppose. Thank you for reading. Ask me anything you like. I really like this community and I look forward to conversing with like-minded intelligent people.