Hi I’m new - help x

Hi I’m so so so tired in life right now and really hoping to find some hope and encouragement here. I’ve vague understanding of LoA but I need a massive shift in my life right now and turning here

Hi @InnerGoddess ,

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Welcome @InnerGoddess :blush:
It would be nice to know a little more about you :grin:

Sorry I’m 35 and a single mum. At the end of my rag I called on Pomba Gira Maria Padhila the other night after vaguely reading about her and deciding to follow my own intuition and hope she was willing to help. No idea really if she is. I’ve probably read more than I’ve ever “done” - I own tarot cards but don’t use them, did get into astrology but then left it alone as it made me anxious. I am tired of going from one drama to another in life and my child deserves far more than the mother I am right now. I have read LoA, Neville etc but I’m so damn tired of manifesting drama and rejection and I am so depressed at this moment (I may not be later - I’m just searching for the unfuck my mind and detatch switch atm) I believe I can create a life and love I want… I just don’t seem to actually do it and sabotage everything and I’m tired of my kid coping with me as I am. I turned to magick and this forum as a fuck it I’m done with not ever giving myself what I want - I hope I find something that helps as a life of religion up to several years ago sure didn’t bring happiness and peace. Apologies for my current mood - I appreciate any help I can get x

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You absolutely don’t have to apologize for what you just said. Feels good to get it out there I bet.
Is there something that particularly you feel drawn to in the occult realm.
I’m going to put the energy out there, I want you to be successful, we have to find the key of why you keep self sabotaging, typically it’s from a feeling that your undeserving which is deeply rooted in guilt.

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I get so many lovely chances with wonderful men - but I seem to turn them all horrible. I had an amazing husband- by the time we ended he was an abusive wanker. I had another relationship where he wasn’t horrible but he certainly is better without me, and I just had someone else cut me off and call me toxic and honestly - they were right. I was behaving toxic and it’s a pattern I repeat every time! I am struggling as a mum alone and I crave that attention and love so much and I know the last one I had even manifested as I scripted him and he appeared in a really organic way not on a dating site etc. I blew it so damn fast and as much as I am trying to detatch which seems harder as I know that’s the only thing going to work on improving anything or any reconciliation being possible. I know it’s me! It’s not just self doubt - I sabotage every damn relationship, every damn dream. I know there’s a way out… I can’t do this to myself anymore

I suppose control and power is what I’m drawn to… But for someone with little self control and highly emotional… I don’t want to play dangerously but I do want to get sorted and start living again.

So I think I’d start making a list of the things in life that I want to change in order of priority. Start breaking the big picture down into little chunks that are more easily manageable and let’s see if this forum can’t help you to help get your life back on track

Most selfishly I number 1 want him back but I think he’s blocked me

It would just make everything else feel easier to get started with

I need to stop getting carried away, making men feel responsible for my emotional wellbeing (I do see the irony in this post myself) but my starting point atm feels impossible.

I was waiting for that bombshell to drop. If you don’t work on the problem the cycle is just going to repeat itself. Bringing this person back intoYour life right now is going to do nothing but provide you a temporary reprieve from even facing the real issue which I promise you will surface again. Let this person go and work on yourself.

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Yeah I think I already knew that when I felt the relationship was ending actually. I don’t think it’s something I don’t know on a conscious level. I do want him back though and I suppose also battling fears that he’s going to have moved on, that I won’t get an opportunity like I had with him again etc

I’ve already begun a ritual for getting him back which I’m gonna continue with because there’s that part of me thinking no fuck this I’m not losing again however I do this and also now I’ve started I don’t think stopping would be a great idea

But the work is in me - and yet I script, I use affirmations, subliminals and I’m still a hot mess and my kid deserves way better than what he’s got right now. Can I use something on myself in magick? I would love to just unfuck myself and I don’t seem to reach it

Wow it took a lifetime to create the person you are now, magick is just not going to reverse that overnight.

What type of ritual did you do? Do you even know what your doing?
I don’t see in anything you write that you have really any prior magickal knowledge. Coming here for the abridged version for quick success I feel is going to be a mistake.

If you are aware the problem was you, what steps have you taken to make a change within yourself.

Stop using your kid as a crutch, this is about you. Does he have the basics, food, love access to education, he’ll be fine. Hopefully not too many people hate me for that comment :slight_smile:

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I wish you all the best in your endeavors and hopefully nothing I said was taken personally, sometimes when I really care my filters fade away :slight_smile:

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Just a prayer and offering thing… no I don’t know what I’m doing. I literally thought fuck it something must work and I will follow what feels ok to me.

I have read way more than I’ve ever done - I think I read a book on sigils once, don’t think I’ve done it. I read some stuff on sex magick and solo that appealed I guess. I’ve hung around the edges of joining various mystery schools but financially some aren’t an option and all it is I really want - is a normal life… a stable happy productive life. No major dreams - it shouldn’t be all that hard to manifest! I think once I reach there I may seek more but that’s literally my goal right now - to enjoy living

No no offence taken - I’m trying to claw my way out and I just don’t seem to ever get on top…

And my goals a few years ago might have been spiritual enlightenment- now it’s just wanting to get out of bed in the morning and live the life I have. I suppose there’s hope in magick - hope there’s an easier solution, or a way to make things easier

Hi there @InnerGoddess.

At the expense of sounding like a real football coach during half time and youre behind by 20, the only thing I can tell you is that you’re in charge…

If you attract negativity negative things are abound…
And the opposite is true as well…
You gotta focus, shift your mind, get in tune withYOU!

If that’s the only goals you have then you don’t need jack shit to get that done, not magic, not people, nothing… ONLY YOU CAN STEER THE VEHICLE DRIVING IN YOUR LIFE.

Depression and despair is n dark pit and can so easily consume oneself, IF you allow it…

Once again it’s all up to you

Best of luck to you!!!
I’m sure you’ll make the most of it…

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