My husband has proven himself to be nearly devoid of personal ethics, and I’m fucking done. Yes, he has mental illness - some of you may remember me mentioning that he has dissociative identity disorder, also known as multiple personalities. But at the end of the day, we all have to be responsible for our choices, agreed?
In February, I filed paperwork with my husband to sponsor him for permanent residency in Canada, as he is a Chinese citizen. The application is currently pending, and the current average pending time for this application type is 12 months, so he won’t get approved until next February. That’s of course assuming that the immigration agency doesn’t suspect strangeness, which they honestly probably should, as he was in technically in violation of his student visa for years. To be here on a student visa, you have to, well, be a fucking student. But because of his illness, he never attends classes. Over the 4 years he’s been in university, he’s managed to complete 80% of his first year, i.e. 20% of his degree. At this rate, he won’t have his degree until he’s 39 (he’s 23 right now).
What does he do instead of classes, you ask? He finds the most decrepit, sleazy derelicts imaginable on gay dating apps like Grindr. Then he gives them money and buys them food in an effort to ‘help’ them, which gives him a sense of ‘accomplishment’. He feels like a constant failure, so this is his pathological coping strategy. Then he develops feelings for them and has an affair. In the most recent example that I know of, he bought the guy a fucking car. I mean, you can’t even make this shit up. Who the fuck does that? When I found that out, I told him I knew, and that’s when our marriage properly degraded.
Several weeks ago, we pretty much declared it dead, but we can’t divorce yet because of the pending immigration application. I could pull out if I wanted to, but it would put me through legal hell to do so because of all of the undertaking documents I’ve signed. It’s much easier to just wait it out for the next half year, or so I think for now.
Which brings us to division of assets, and this is where I could really use the help of magick. Let me explain our current assets and what I originally wanted, and then get into what I want now.
We own a house together that’s worth about $380,000. We also have a $170,000 mortgage, so that leaves us with $210,000 in equity. It will be him moving out (he’s already agreed to that much), so I’m going to remortgage our house to pay him out. His half of the equity comes to $105,000. But there’s no way in hell that I’m going to pay him that.
My dad legally owns my car (we did that for insurance purposes), so it’s technically not an asset of my household. However, my husband’s car is, and it’s blue book value is about $30,000. I’m entitled to half of that, or $15,000, but because he will keep the car, he’ll have to pay me out for that. So we deduct that from the original payout, $105,000 - $15,000 = $90,000.
Now here comes the good stuff - I’m legally entitled to compensation for Dissipation of Funds. That’s legal terminology for spending money on an affair. He’s spent lots and lots and lots of money on the scumbags he’s found. So when he makes his mandatory financial disclosure during proceedings, I’m going to go fucking highlighter happy on his credit card statements and highlight every affair-related expense I can find.
Despite everything, he still continues to cheat because he can’t keep his fucking pants on. He’s a whore and a complete asshole. But today, you want to know what made me decide that I want to take everything that I possibly can from him? Well today, I noticed that he ate the last bag of my favourite chips that I brought back from Aruba. AH Naturel Ribbelchips. They’re Dutch ridged chips fried in sunflower oil rather than vegetable oil. I know it’s a small thing, but he knew I loved those things and that they reminded me of Aruba, the one time over the past year that I felt genuinely peaceful. Why the fuck would he do that? So now my position is, fuck him. He’ll continue to get his $6,000/month from his rich parents for just breathing, so I don’t feel even remotely bad for cleaning him out.
So, which spirit would be best to work with to help me take everything I possibly can from that asshole?
Edit: I just plucked up the courage to spy on his texts. He is sleeping and I need evidence to give to my lawyer. My god, reading those texts… he’s a disgusting ethics-free whore. Fuck him. He deserves to go down.