To make a very long story short: I was in a relationship that ended September 2020 due to something I did (betrayed trust, no cheating).
This break up caused me to work more with demons and Law of Belief over the past 18 months. It took until February 2022 for something to break through due to my own blockages around him, when he contacted to apologise “for everything”—something I’d been asking for. Lots of back and forth since, until last weekend he called, drunk to tell me over and over again that he “fucking loves” me, I broke his heart, he misses me, and other specifically intimate things that I’ve been working on through Law of Belief and with rituals.
Most recently worked with Sallos to rebuild the love between us about 2 weeks ago. And I’ve been working with the Lucifer and the Hidden Demons book literally just last week, which I think caused the outpour of feelings from him (this is someone who cut me off completely, yet since his return to contact has done a 180 and seems remorseful and like he is in my debt—something I’ve been working on with LOB).
2.5 weeks ago I was meditating and decided to leave my body. I felt a presence that spoke to me. They were kind, caring. Asked what I wanted—I said him—they asked why, I explained my feelings. They said “we’re working on it, he cares more for you than you realise, he feels it more than even you do.” So when he called me and said everything I’d wanted to hear, how hurt he’d been, how he had almost died recently and only thought of me, it shocked me that this vision I’d experienced was completely right.
Last Thursday I asked Lucifer to speed up the time that it would take for him to come back to me. I hadn’t heard from him in a week. I heard Lucifer ask if I was sure that I wanted this; I said yes, I am ready. The next night he was calling me, pouring out his feelings.
The next day, he took it all back. He does love me, but he can’t get over how I hurt him. Which is a joke, but I won’t go into it. It’s made me very angry to the point of hating him, feeling disgust. I still want him to come back to me, but I’m at a loss as to what to do now.
I’d been feeling so in control and in tune with my magic, and this felt like I’d had it all pulled from under me. Aside from take some time off from it this week to recover emotionally, are there any suggestions on what work to do on this?