well. It’s a little hard to describe as it happens in a place amongst the ether that is well past human thoughtforms of language. but ill try
a vast and intense concentration of psychic energy. brought about not with preparation,but a sudden intensity. no buildup at all, no consideration beforehand, no thought of what you’re going to do beforehand. but the energy from a complete lack of intent whets the mind and trembles the stomach, feeling entirely unnatural. for the briefest of moments, the energy burns in your ethereal being so brightly, yet at the same time so dark. that your awareness expands to a god-like level. and in this state, keeping in mind it hardly lasts “betwixt the ticks of a clock”, the last thing you think of becomes willed into existence. briefly, you see all of the possible events and paths of reality that extend from this thing you will into existence. but then, coming back to your current fleshy shell, you feel dizzy, nauseous, and like a soft fire covering your skin as the raw energy of the passion, sorrow, disgust, and hatred, and yes even love and peace (everything at once) that ignited this state bleeds off of you. and your awareness, and hence understanding of what just happened, quickly fades away in a sort of fizzy “bubbling”. but you are left holding the fruits of your time transcending labour in your own fleshy hands, with some vague but intense awareness that “I did this, I made this happen”. even though you don’t know how or why.
at first I thought it was excitory gnosis. but that implys either long or short,a buildup of some kind, and there is no buildup here. i thought the god-like state I mention might qualify as inhibitory gnosis,since I remember “not quite feeling” what would be described as emotions. but that doesn’t apply either given the intense storm of psychic energy required to trigger the state,usually from emotions that happen from nowhere previous.
as for the results?it depends on the thought that gets willed. the results can either be very dark or very light.or any of the shades of grey in between,or the shades of black without.
as I study the whims and fancies of my own burgeoning system more and more,it seems these overriding sudden moments happen more and more often (rarely by most people’s understanding as more often than that would leave you a gibbering mess). and the will I feel,is mine,yet not “mortal me” mine.like there are two of me and none of me at the same time.
if it helps the ask any.my partner is a gemini leaning on taurus and I’m a scorpio betwixt scorpio and Capricorn I nterms of what is in where