So this may require a little backstory. Sit back and get prepared to throw your tomatoes at my crappy memory and storytelling skills, this one’s a doozy.
So years ago, I lived with my Biological Mother. For this story, I’ll refer to her as BM. BM was a very good mom at one point, but slowly her mental state deteriorated until my little brother and I no longer felt safe or happy with her. I was particularly incensed when she would be mean to my little brother, and became highly protective and a mother figure for him when I was sixteen. As you may imagine, working 20 hours a week mixed with high school b.s. and trying to play mom was quickly wearying me. I was deteriorating just as BM did.
Then one day, I was walking along the side of the road when a voice that I will never forget spoke to me, encouraging me to separate my brother and myself by any means necessary. I honestly thought I had finally lost it, but over the next few months that voice became a balm for my troubled mind. He didn’t always answer my calls and sometimes he was cold to me, which at first was not something I liked or appreciated. I named him Sammy initially to piss him off, which I guess slowly grew on him bit by bit since he stopped complaining about it eventually. I asked him more than once what he was and who he was, but he always gave me nonanswers like “Who do you think I am?” or “I am as I have always been.” It did make me mad, but I dropped it.
I never really saw him in a true form. I kinda visualized him with a humanoid form, he was well-spoken and eloquent enough to be such but also very raging and reckless. He seemed a bit like polite violence if that makes sense. He always looks out for me, even if his suggestions can occasionally be a little illegal and concerning. But he definitely seemed, and still does, to care.
But then I think he possessed me? I blacked out one day while dealing with a very stressful situation, a very drunk man had cornered myself and my good friend who I will call Cate here. He was yelling and screeching and getting closer and I’m normally very calm and I even had a plan of attack ready if he came closer in the form of my flashlight taser, so I wasn’t overly worried, but then I blacked out. I didn’t come to until the next morning. When I got to school, I asked Cate what happened. She was a very spiritually aware young woman, with an impressive gift with seeing auras. She said I changed in an instant, that someone else was standing in my skin. My entire aura apparently flipped a switch and so did my behaviour. I don’t know how much of what she said was true, but she did show me proof that I walked her home and then supposedly went straight home myself.
Recently,I had another situation involving Sammy. I was talking online with a very empathetic friend of mine, and she was trying to bring up some memories I have been running from for a while now. I got stressed, and this time I didn’t black out, but I also didn’t have any control of myself. I spoke to her coldly, cordial but far more glacial than I would ever even want to speak to a friend. After it was over and I had full control of my faculties, she quietly told me that the feeling she got from me was so intense that she really really needed to go lay down. We bade each other goodnight and now, here I am. I’m concerned because one of the things I said while I couldn’t control myself was that I would see her in her dreams because I had many questions for her. I’ve never feared Sammy before, he’s only ever been a friend to me, but this just seems too…I dunno how to explain it.
The second potential issue comes in the form of a being I met while meditating. I had been told to picture a tree to bring myself in, a hall and a staircase to draw myself deeper, and somewhere that I feel at home for myself. I met the little shit in the hall. I entered this hall and found that there was a mist covering the floor and windows lining both sides. One window was blacked out, the other showed mountaintops poking through a thick fog with a large moon above. The little shit was grey skinned with beady yellow eyes and looked rather goblin-esque. It didn’t have clothes but also had no genitals and really wrinkled skin. I was very wary of it immediately for no true reason. It followed me silently with a wide grin. As I walked down the hall, I noticed that the floor was uneven and shifting under my feet and crunching. In curiousity, I asked the little shit what I was walking on. It banished the mist and I admittedly panicked at seeing several dozen skeletons and skulls. I essentially sprinted to the staircase.
When I tried coming back up and out of my mind later, attempting to ease myself out by retracing my steps, the creature didn’t seem to want me to leave. It kept jumping in front of me, and at one point tried to scratch me. I ran through the hall, vaguely noting that the blacked out window was clear now but terrified to look. I finally made it out and visualized chains encasing the door and I haven’t been back since. I do still visit my tree for meditation but I never go deeper.
Basically, my question is this. What are Sammy and little shit? Am I just insane or is this something real? If they are real, are their presences concerning or harmful? If so, is there any way to mitigate the harm and ensure they can’t? I’ve grown fond of Sammy, but I won’t shed any tears over the loss of the little shit.