LIke i said before. look inside that feeling. still didn’t do that task yet huh? goooo deeper.
I just don’t understand what you mean. Like, keep asking myself “But why” for baser causes?
LEts do that, then, I’ll start going deeper and writing it down.
Why do I hurt?|
Well, I really love him, and miss him, and I feel like he doesn’t care about me. I know I might never talk to him non awkwardly again and just worrying about that is killing me on the inside. I feel like I gave a lot of myself to him and he’s taking it for granted. I feel so confused, and the confusion is hurting me, because I don’t know where this issue came from or why it came. I love him. I miss holding him close to me and I long, against any real hope, for a time where me and him can be together. I feel so much utter despair. I love him, and trying to let go feels so wrong.
I hate myself. I can’t believe I let this happen. It wasn’t totally my fault, but I could have done this better. I wish I could just undo it all and try again. I would do this whole problem differently. I would see so much progress. I would be happier for longer. I wouldn’t have to feel so bad about seeing him. I could hold him again. I could be happy to come to the classes I have him in. I could have hope again, I miss our cute conversations and cuddling. I miss our genuine appreciation and love for each other. I miss him. Because I can’t think of another person who can provide THAT. We had moments where we’d look into each other’s eyes and feel such an intense, deep love. I miss that.
I think we could have done this better. After all of these problems, I really do think there was a good chance for us. I didn’t think he was “the one”, necessarily, but that we’d love each other for years to come. I miss that. I love him so much and I miss that. I almost feel disgusted with myself, because now he’s shunning me and I m just internally begging for it all to end. I made him feel uncomfortable with trying to solve the issue, and made a whole other issue. I wish I could just start over. I want to hold him again. I want us to be locked like we used to, hearts and minds, I loved that feeling.
But now I know I’ll never feel it the same again, not with him, even though we hit it off so well. It hurts on the inside that it just ended so abruptly. I wish I could understand him, I want to know his reasons.
Is that good enough?
I just think he, that we, were so perfect together, and I feel like I’m a failure. I feel like he finds it so easy to move on when I have been so utterly helpless and alone and feeling so much unwarranted anguish. He’s such an amazing person, and I feel like I ruined so many of my chances. My progress seems to be fluctuating, it’s getting better and worse and better and worse but I can’t look my magick in the eye and believe it when it says things will work out. I can’t even look it in the eye when it says things won’t work out. I don’t know what to believe and I feel like I’m being strung along by fate, like I’m waiting for something that might never happen, a deliverance from my suffering. I feel so unsure, so tired, so fucking pained. I hate all of this. I just want a resolution that is truly final, and that will make me truly happy. I want to be able to move on with my life with a SMILE and hope.
I’m so tired of this fight and I feel like the world is shaking against me, then it isn’t, then it is, and I feel like everyone who is spiritual I trust might just be telling me white lies, or worse yet, are parasites. I hate everything involved here, and I hate that Sam blocked me out. I hate that I drove him to it and I hate the world. I hate living. I’m waiting until judgement day, but hell knows when that will happen. I’m so tired. I just want him to help me, but that’s selfish, and I can only help myself. I’m just getting the upper hand over my life, and I still am not sure. USually I wouldn’t care, but now I do. I do care that I’m unsure because I’m not happy with anything I’m doing right now.
The worst part is, I’m winning! I’m doing literally everything I can to get through this, and I’ve done ll of the work I need to thus far, and it feels this hollow! No matter what I do, I’m stuck in this hell I’ve made for myself and I can only hope divine intervention helps me now, when the trumpets scream from on high and allow e to rise from my grave, only then will I finally emerge from this ordeal a truly happy person.
But that could take forever. I don’t even know if it’s true.
Don’t you see? THis is my bullshit. This is where I’m stuck. This is my true pain. Is this enough for you? Have I truly expunged enough pain for you to believe it’s the source?
no. your not going deeper. You just talking and making reasons. Your not feeling.
I’m not making reasons, I’m listing them. Clearly you, therapist, would know better to literally invalidate how I say I feel.maybe you have a point, but you’re so bad at getting it acrossed and actually communicating, I wouldn’t know if you do.
exactly. u listing them, making them. same difference. Your on your own now. U obviously biting the hands that is trying to help you. =oP
Making them means they didn’t exist prior. I don’t mean to be rude, but it sounds like you don’t actually know what you’re talking about. Sorry.
says the one with the problem. =o)
Wow, so now you’re saying stuff like that? A trained therapist? No, I now know I didn’t make any mistakes. I don’t have any doubts that if I’m going to find an answer, it won’t be because of you.
cuz u bite the hand that is trying to help u. =o) I"m a good person. i’m not a nice person. big difference.
You’re ineffective at getting across your point and you disregard basic tenets of being a therapist. That would be definitely forgivable and even understandable if you weren’t so vague, and you could actually give me a concrete way of expressing what you want me to without sounding like some sort of jaded martial arts teacher.
That’s why your now on your own. U expect people to feed you answers on a platter. Some things require you to look within. your looking outside for answers. Your criticizing others who’s given you advice. There’s not more to say if you aren’t willing to look within and work on self. Your the one coming on the site begging and whining for help. Not us. I"m not the only one your rebelling against. I see your defensiveness toward others who are giving you words for thoughts too.
You didn’t give me an answer that I can look within myself to find. You didn’t give me a place to go. Stop pretending you did, and then being upset when I don’t do it, and then when I try to do it maybe you shouldn’t be so judgemental.
In a less confrontational light…
I love Gabrielle. She’s so amazing. She was the person I needed to go to and her atmosphere is so relaxing.
I"m not suppose to give you answers and neither is everyone else here suppose to. Some things in life you have to figure out yourself. I gave you plenty advice. You just didn’t want to do it. You wanted it handed to you. You rather criticize those that gave you advice instead of pondering what they tell you. That’s on you. No one else. This isn’t the only whining begging thread you posted for your troubles. That says plenty. U want therapy? then go to a live one in person. not here.
You know what? I’m done with you. You got angry when I didn’t do the thing you told me to do, you didn’t even actually tell me to do anything oh, and now you’re ridiculing me.
I’m going to move on from that and try to enjoy my life a little bit.