I’ve been with my partner for over 5 years. I manifested this relationship after asking for my life partner, and there were some incredible synchronicities that happened in order for us to get together - one of the times of my life that has been filled with the most unmistakeable magick and signs. We are extremely compatible, love each other very much, and generally have a healthy relationship with good communication. People often remark how good we are together and how well our energies mesh. But we’ve recently found ourselves at a make-or-break part of our relationship.
Some background: he has commitment issues due to unhealthy enmeshment with his mother (she has mental health issues, and he took on a caretaker role early on in his life - he has a lot of childhood trauma associated with her mental health, although she is much better than she was). I on the other hand have up until now had the issue on putting other people’s needs and desires before my own. I’ve been focusing on my inner growth around this area for some time, and now I find myself at a point where I can no longer ignore my need for a deeper level of commitment in the relationship.
We don’t live together - partly because of financial issues, but also his commitment issues. He lives with his mother. I’ve been wanting to move in together for a while, but there has always been some reason on his part why we couldn’t make it work. Now, to make matters worse, she is dealing with a serious illness, and a lot of his emotional capacity is spent on this. Of course I want my partner to support his mother in these hard times, but this is really highlighting the fact that he will never fully be able to commit because of this enmeshment. If we were dealing with this as a team, it would be one thing, but we’re not - it’s driving us further apart. The space in his heart where a romantic partner is supposed to be, is occupied by his mother. We had made some progress in this area until her illness.
To make matters more complicated, I’ve now decided that I want children in the very near future (we are in our mid 30s). We were both on the fence before. I’ve communicated all this to him, and we are taking a short break, as it’s a big thing for him to process, and decide whether he really wants to do this. In my heart, I do feel that his hesitation is mostly due to fears, and that the parenting journey would be very fulfilling for him.
I don’t want to go against his free will, but I would like to work on removing his fears and blockages towards deeper commitment and having children. I’m also ready to let go of the relationship, should it turn out that we can’t grow in the same direction together, but I’d like to give it a fighting chance before I let go.
So far, I have been working with some of the angels of the 42 names - Gavriel to give me the strength and surety to stand up for my needs and desires, Orpaniel to bring healing to the relationship, Tummel to decrease my resentment towards his mother. I worked with Agares in order to have the initial conversation with him where I told him how I was feeling- the results were great, I was able to express how I felt (not about his mother - it’s a sensitive topic and especially now she is sick - but about wanting children and feeling I can’t go on in the relationship as it is) and he heard and understood me fully.
I have now also petitioned Paimon to open his eyes to the unhealthy dynamic with his mother, no results yet as I did it some hours ago and we will only be speaking in a few days.
Any other suggestions? I hope to do some work on his mother as well in order for her to also see how she is holding her son back. I was thinking of Orias, and either Dantalion or Paimon. Other ideas are Cimeries and/or Haagenti to remove his fears and subconscious blockages towards commitment and children, and perhaps Sallos? And I was going to petition Cimeries to work on myself and remove any subconscious blockages that I have towards manifesting a deeply committed relationship.
Any advice much appreciated!