Have trouble relaxing and having fun

New Magician Help & Introductions
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Hello all. I have trouble relaxing and having fun at my downtime alone. What I mean is, if I start up a video game or a movie, my mind tortures me with “get back to work, you can do this project, or do that thing now…” and its frustrating to deal with.

After a long days of working 9-5s I just want time alone. But its like every time I try to relax, I get called by my parents to take care of something, or to start another project, instead of simply just being able to be grounded.

I have taken a look at my Natal chart, and have discovered that there’s a lot of friction between having fun and a ton of responsibility**,** ADHD which probably contributes to the issue as well.

Is there a being I could invoke or something I could do to just calm myself down, have fun, relax, etc?

I tried weed and alcohol in the past, but they don’t always garuntee I will feel all nice, relaxed, and have fun. Sometimes I take those stuff and end up doing shadow work instead, and being reminded of the past a lot…..

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Perhaps the issue is specifically that you need to learn (or relearn) how to sit with silence and inactivity, doing absolutely nothing, and shutting down your mind. You’re so used working and completing tasks that your body and mind is constantly active, and so when you have downtime you’re not used to letting go, and as such want to return to this habit because the opposite feels like a waste of precious time, and associated with laziness. At least that’s what I assume, feel free to correct me if i’m wrong.

A real life person I know is exactly like that, addicted to physical and work activities even (and especially) on vacation. Said person tried to relax and do nothing but can’t because said person feels that something MUST be done and should be done now and not later.

If the issue is about others giving you constantly stuff to do, you can simply say no (if it’s that urgent they’ll do it themselves), or have a mutual agreement that you will do X and Y thing but they will do A and B thing (so that you don’t do everything yourself in your free time).

Alternatively, and most importantly, meditate if it’s not already a habit with you. Daily. It specifically trains you to quiet your mind and anxieties and teaches you that peace can be achieved inside ourselves, doesn’t need to be an expenditure of high effort or money, it makes you more relaxed, connected with yourself. And that doing nothing can be also extremely peaceful when done right.

Meditation is the cornerstone in any practice of magic by far in my opinion. When you shut down your mental using meditation (though meditation, like all things, requires practice and frequent sessions to form this habit), you cease to stress about everything for some time, and it sounds like it is what you need. And it is only one of the many benefits of daily meditation.

There are many, many ways to meditate, both eyes closed, or with open eyes (I find those ones easier for those with high mental chatter). Once you learn how to meditate frequently, you’ll be able to enjoy free time normally again without the same chatter even outside of meditation sessions, at least I believe so.

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I myself have had an issue like that with relaxing through media specifically. The thing is, if you watch a movie or play a video game you are not really resting at all, you are occupying yourself with something else than work (or other type of work).

If you subsonsciously or consciously recognise these things as inferior to work, it’s no wonder that your mind doesn’t want to do the “worthless” work and would rather do useful work.

The other thing this could indicate is that your nervous system is chronically overloaded, a common issue for people with ADHD.

In either case i have to second @Recluse ‘s recommendation - meditation, in silence, without stimulation or interruption is helpful for any mage. Finding a calm center within your energy body where you can just sit without any sort of pressure would likely make a huge difference to you.

I would also recommend grounding (preferrably in nature) with an element of energy work [visualise roots going out of your body into the ground and moving energy between your body and the earth, feel it moving back and forth, you can also do a similiar thing when hugging a tree - it’s easier then]. Earth energies tend to both calm and support and nature itself is a good environment for developing calm and meditating.

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There is no such thing as “No” to my parents, and to be fair its usually important stuff like court files, or lawyers, etc. They just aren’t good at technology, and I don’t blame them.

I have given some thoughts of doing some kind of spell or something that get that genius daemon or some kind of helper spirit for them each to help them do more technological advance stuff on their own, but I’m not sure how to do that yet? Anyone reading this let me know if you know anything, thanks.

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Oh I love nature, and zen gardens. But I do have to admit, I tend to be very jumpy, and I love walking a lot. I used to meditate in highschool a lot, its something I should return too admittedly.

The only game right now I can play comfortably without being reminded of projects is Left 4 Dead 2…not sure if its because it appeals to my ADHD or something.

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Makes sense, then.

I’m not too versed yet into receiving help with evocation (which is what you’re referring to), but perhaps so. I’ll let others respond to this, wouldn’t want to invent anything.

Definitely! Meditation is so underrated I find. Yet its effects in the long-term are worth more than gold.

Hope this is not considered as off-topic, but you should try the NIGHTMARE modpack in the Workshop of L4D2, collections. Scrimbled Version specifically. I just love it. If you want to play it with bots though, there is a mod in that collection which removes them if i remember correctly, so remove it.

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Well, jumpiness could indicate an imbalance in favour of the hot elements - Fire and/or Air. Connecting with the cold, so Earth and Water, acts to counteract that.

It does sound like you have a lot of momentum in your experience, this jumpiness, constant thinking of work etc. Especially now that you mention that your work and what you do for your parents is intellectual too, it does sound all very head-heavy. For me this strongly paints a picture of hot element dominance.

Do you perhaps do sports or any physical activity like walks, bouldering, hiking, cycling, ? This could be an additional help to “kill two birds with ine stone” by exhausting that heady energy, alchemising it into something a bit heavier and connecting with your body more for easier grounding. Actually focusing on your muscles, how they move (and how they hurt) during and after excersise is inherently grounding and also just good for gemeral inner balance and health. And it doesn’t have to be any crazy excersise, even just stretching in the morning is helpful.

One extra and super simple thing that supports connection with the body is drinking raw lemon juice - just get a whole glass, hold it a bit in your mouth before swallowing. For some it literally feels like being pulled out of your mind and into your body directly.

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My best friend is like this, except that instead of having a 9-5, he has a regular job plus a couple on the side. It is killing him. I think that as others have said, you need to spend some time with meditation, but you also might want to work training yourself to relax. Honestly, if I was in your position, I would probably make a list of everything that appeals to me, from video games to woodworking to some kind of daily ritual to going to the gym or taking a hot bath. Then I would try all the things out for a bit and see how they make me feel after a bit. Is there something (or a few somethings) that really works for you? As for your family, I get that sometimes you have to help. However, you might be able to say, “Hey, I’m going to be busy until X time and then I’ll come over.” That would at least allow you to get the satisfaction of finishing your ritual or time at the gym or whatever.

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