Collection of static residual psique, in hopes of being tuned together into the unknown symphony of my dreams. Insight of fellow strangers is welcome. Stay tuned.
Memory: All Along the Watchtower
I have planned so many things to write, pieces of the same puzzle, but as the following is recent I do not want to let it get cold.
A good friend of mine shared a song with me thinking that I would like it three days ago, from a television show that before talking with her didnt inspire enought curiosity to watch. But now, this is the second time I sitdown to give it a try, and the second time that it speacks to me.
The first time what would seem a random phrase “silver city”, left me in awe, there is such a place like the one that I dreamed.
Today when I was looking for something to see while having breakfast, I decided to watch a whole episode, and now it seems that. . .
Lucifer was all along in the watchtower .
I dont believe in coincidences, maybe he’s knocking on my doorstep. Since a few weeks ago I have the undeniable feeling that something is calling me, and now here I’m, walking the same path again. Maybe it’s a good idea to answer the door, and overcome my reluctance to talk to them, and spill the heartfelt unspoken words that are stuck in my chest.
Time will tell.
Memory: Self Initiation Testimony
It all started looking for images of “dark runes” in August of 2009, this took me to a page where I read for the first time what spiritual satanism is. Fascinated by finding guides and experiences similar to mine, everything had a familiarity within my subconscious, I inquired more until I found that the page I visited first was a copy translated into my language from another, one that I now despise but I have the gratitude of being the step that introduced me, JoS.
Having little knowledge of astrology I knew that one aspect was going to appear on my birthday that year, Pluto square Saturn, aspect present in the day I was born having Pluto in conjunction with the Sun, my black sun, the dreadful force that has driven me since I was born, and my best teacher and ally. I had to prepare myself more, in the condition in which I was, it would be insufficient, and to let this opportunity pass I would had to wait until 2028 for the same circumstances to be repeated, it wasnt that I should perform my initiation that year, it was a must for me.
So I studied everything I had at hand or could find, practice basic breathing meditations, trance and visualization. I did it in constant effort while that day was getting closer, without neglecting the school and the personal problems of that time, one in particular was the eye of the storm to come into my life for long. Soon, I was ready to take the first step of my path, with a foreign enthusiasm I walked towards the unknown, there was no fear, there was no doubt, I felt that I was returning home.
I made the preparations, three candles, a sonnet written on paper, a sterilized cutter and a bottle of red wine. On November 15 at 5:55 in the afternoon, under the embrace of the New Moon night, I chose the moment I came into the world, for the self to die, and reborn anew.
The ritual that I performed was one of dedication, being the only one I knew back then, I assumed it was the authorship of JoS, when in fact it was from the Black Mass in LaVey’s Satanic Rituals, one that prays in part:
“…I proclaim Satan Lucifer as my one and only God. I promise to recognize and honor him in all things, without reservation, desiring in return, his manifold assistance in the successful completion of my endeavors”
It did not matter in the end its origin, for me it was never about “selling my soul” or the like, or belonging to a group that renounce a belief system while ironically imitating the same hierarchy and dogma, it’s hard to give up something that you never believed or belonged in the first place, for me the words of that prayer had another meaning because of my intention.
From what I read about the Daemons, they seek the ascension of humanity, the awakening of their potential, this being their essential purpose. My intention is to learn from them in pursuit of that purpose, work with them in the Magnum Opus, I told them so during the ritual.
Among the peculiarities of the materials I used, I took the candles out of their original glass containers and placed them on small copper plates. I remember that at the beginning I made a greeting to the four crowns of hell, ringing a bell in each cardinal direction while tracing with my right hand their sigils vibrating their names, although I do not remember the name of that ritual in particular. The paper that I burned in addition to containing the sonnet of the prayer and my name also drew the sigil of Satan / Lucifer, although I did not stamp it with blood. I was sitting on the floor in the middle of the three candles forming a triangular arrangement, both me and the candles facing to the north. It also caught my attention the order in which I lit and extinguished the candles afterwards.
None of these peculiarities were planned or premeditated in that moment. I acted by intuition outside of the instructions of the ritual. The plates made of copper have a relation with Venus, its effects besides of that I ignore. Later I found out that I should have faced the South instead, but that had no effect beyond a personal decision. The sigil that I drew remained engraved in my mind till the next morning, even before burning it.
I had no expectations, I was open to any possibility that came my way. What happened was a well-coming experience. As I climbed the stairs to the empty room I felt something watching me from the steps above, I could only see their silhouettes of winged small figures, the only way to describe them is to call them gargoyles by their nocturnal nature, it was unnerving but they seem to be there out of curiosity as if something calls them to be there. Creatures the size of small children were also present, their bodies composed of shadows, after burning the prayer they began to dance in circles around me held by the hand forming several rows that reached the corner of the block, or perhaps even farther away but it was as far as I could sense them. But above all, the presence of several entities filled the room, overwhelming and undeniable yet serene and warm, electrifying like love, the embrace to be reunited with ancient friends from another life. It was like everyone and their mother came for the celebration in the small room.
The next morning I wrote the experiences I had, to never forget it, the final phrase came to me like a whisper at the end. I fold it seven times, just as I had done before, and it now rest with the very same old candels on the altar.
I turned off the light in the room and lit the candles, transcribed the sonnet and wrote my name below. With a cutter cleaned with alcohol cut my index finger of the left hand pressing it so that the blood came out and with it sealed the written name. I doubled it on seven occasions and, procuring the shape of a pentagon, I approached it to the blue candle and burning it the atmosphere of the room changed, it was blessed at that moment as my sanctuary, my place on this earth with the gods, and as my place of growth and personal learning.
Palming the ashes so that they scatter, I said out loud -SO MOTE IT BE- -HAIL SATAN!-, I took the yard with wine and rising it as a sign of toast, drank what was left. I waited a few moments and started talking to my father, telling him why I did the initiation ritual, trying to make my words reflect my feelings.
Having nothing more to say, I layed down because I felt in my chest a sweet pain that something was pushing or was being pulled out, my head was pointing to the blue candle and once I was lying down I relaxed and put my palms together stretching out pointing to the sky, when I opened them I felt that I was opening something as if my hands opened the surface of the water. I do not know what things were exactly that came out or came in, but after that I aproach my hands and put them on my chest.
It did not take long, after that I felt a caress on my right cheek, a paternal affection that gave me warmth, gave me energy. I answered with a placid smile in recognition and fondness to the one who accompanied me. I stayed in that position for a while to meditate on the joy of the moment, what it meant and what I went throght to get there.
After that I stretched and prepared the bed in which I´ll sleep for that night, I turned off the red candle first, then the black one, and at the end with a unique and indescribable sensation, the blue one.
In the darkness I saw in front of me a white line that before turning off the last candle was red, it gave the impression of being the light that entered through a semi open door waiting to be pushed. Upon realizing this idea, the smoke of the blue candle formed a silhouette in the darkness, the eye of a nocturnal creature observing me. I did not feel fear or insecurity when I saw it, but happiness to finally see who has protected me all this time.
At the end of this, the creatures that live in the house changed their curious and anxious attitude to jovial and festive, the gargoyles that I saw before starting the ritual remained all night near me, accompanying me, until dawn.
“Never forget your past, to be able to rejoice in the future”