The last few days have been a roller coaster of emotions, and I have just lost my wallet I am going to focus on working with Belial and finally become clairvoyant. I need to get control of myself before I ruin something that could be potentially good for me in the future.
It is quite clear I am in no way close to the internal work that I need to get done. THank you all for your help and advice along the way. (I will still be around for PM and such but I have to do some serious work).