Ginko is one of the 4 or 5 names I use on the internet. ‘HellChild’ is the first thing that came to my mind when creating my BALG account, so I went with it. Though in retrospect, it seems a bit too edgy. But it is kinda appropriate, all things considered.
This here is going to be a record of my progress along my current path. I don’t feel like going into the details right now. As such, it probably won’t make complete sense to anyone but me. I may do a proper intro later down the line when I am sure of who I am.
My current goals:
- Secure my material life
- Develop a skill which I can use to help people in this and other occult communities.
- Discover who I truly am.
Despite the uninviting tone of this post, I consider myself an approachable person, generally speaking. So feel free to drop me a line.
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The path to ‘Enlightenment,’ if there exists such thing is no doubt filled with chaos and destruction. How could it not be? Destroy everything about yourself that is unwanted. What you are left with is a God.
Lately, I have been thinking about what it means to be a ‘God.’ Speaking for myself, I have always wanted to become a living human. Godhood never crossed my mind…until now.
Everything there was, is, or ever will be is the result of a string of causes and effects, actions and consequences. A God, to me, is someone who can not only comprehend this massive, messy web, but also manipulate it to bring about a desired outcome instinctively.
Okay that’s enough pretentiousness for one night.
Here’s the perfect lullaby:
Well, my relationship with most of my family has gone to shit. I have hit rock bottom. It’s time to rebuild. The only saving grace is that I have somehow convinced my mother to help me with my occult practice. Thanks to her assistance, I’m now able to acquire some sigils in physical form. In fact, I have Prince Sitri’s sigil in a ‘necklace’ of sorts. So that’s nice. The energy from physical sigils is awesome. My imagined sigils don’t even come close in terms of intensity.
This is the path that I chose to walk and no one’s going to stop me.
Random song:
New profile picture suits my current state of mind, I think.
Another day, another project. But this time with a twist. I’ll be helping someone else for once.
Let’s see how fast she’s able to progress.
I’m also expecting this endeavor to bring out some insecurities I can crush. This should be good.
I have been away for quite a while, and I’ll be away for awhile more. For the time being, I need to reflect. But it’s safe to say that I’ve achieved closure with regard to a very important matter. Time to move on.
A couple of songs to mark the end of a chapter of my life:
Story time.
A couple of months ago, Lady Eva recommended that I use the Eisenhower matrix to keep myself on track with regard to various aspects of my life. The simple act of writing down everything I needed to do mad me realize one thing
I. Don’t. Give. A. Flying. Fuck.
I simply don’t care enough about most of the things in the “Urgent and Important” quadrant to do them consistently. These activities all had to do with the improvement of my physical existence. The occult interests me more, but I have no idea where I’m going with that either.
So basically everything’s a mess right now and I have no idea how to go about fixing it. But one thing I will NOT do is blindly follow other people. There have been plenty of well-intentioned people in my life who have done little more than waste my time.
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Umm thats Ginko lol not someone from DBZ
You have seen the anime yes?
I changed my profile picture.
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Ahh that makes more sense 
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This is gonna be the edgiest post I have ever made on here.
I have come to a simple realization. The realization that I live to suffer. It is my only purpose. Whether or not the hardships in my life make me stronger is irrelevant. Emotional turmoil is a near constant, the more I try to find meaning in life, the more pointless and pathetic this farce of an existence seems. Suicide is not an option for someone in my physical condition, and I doubt people on this forum would be willing to help with that.
My working with Namaah has yielded positive results. The love that I have felt during my meditations is something I crave every second of the day. But I am extremely needy in my current state of mind. A healthy, love-based relationship requires that I fix up my outlook on life. This is something I cannot manage right now. It is time to let lust take over and lead me down the rabbit hole.
Random song:
Death Note: L's Theme | Matt Houston Remix - YouTube
Hopefully, I can look back on this post someday and have a good laugh at how stupid I sound, but for now, the frustration of being trapped in this miserable bag of meat and bones, and the bitter taste of utter defeat is way too real.
Delusions of grandeur have been shattered. All that remains is an empty husk. Tis’ the time to rebuild.
It’s been way too long since I wrote anything on here. My life’s just been in complete chaos lately. I have been made aware of so many of my flaws that have somehow escaped my attention for all these years.
But the biggest change occurred yesterday, when I was watching EA’s livestream. There was a certain point at which, the last thing I have in common with most humans, sexual desire, lost its hold on me.
Up until VERY recently, I thought that my sexual nature was the core of my being, But if I’m being completely honest with myself, I had an obsession with sex that’s been holding me back for quite some time. I don’t know what happened, but it’s just…gone
There’s an eternity to fuck round. But now’s the time to throw myself into the abyss. I can honestly say now that I have nothing to lose. Everything WILL fall into place.
Edit: A song to celebrate Amon Amarth Raise Your Horns - YouTube
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Good to see you posting on here.
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I’ve been reading Mantak Chias’s The multi-orgasmic Man and I feel like maybe it could help you on your journey as well since I see you mentioning" sexual desire lost its hold on me"… It’s about more than being ‘multi orgasmic’ . My life has changed since starting the practices and meditations. I saw so many different people recommended and I thought it’d be stupid especially with the cover picture but I’m glad that I got it anyways. Best of luck
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