Getting my mind clear/Starting over

General Discussion
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So after my wreck a few months ago, some of my memory was lost or suppressed and forgotten about, not to mention my senses arent as good. Which is actually probably whats best for me, starting over. I’ve become a complete fool. Disrespecting Demons, Kings, and basically every entity ive ever been in contact with, being way to cocky, over confident and greedy towards them (Before the wreck and after it too). I’d just like to apologize to them all and make amends. Although I am grateful for them being patient with me, you see, I didnt have the best up bringing, and dont know much about respect, and I can be really bipolar/emotionally unstable, double minded, and selfdestructive at times, and fuck things up, but nothing bad has happened to me other than the wreck. I actually feel like a fool for writing this whole thing but I need to get my mind clear and sorta vent I guess, theres not many friends, actually probably none that I can actually talk to about this, 2 of my friends claim to be into the occult, my best friend for sure is full of bs for the most part, and the other friend im not too sure if hes being serious or faking to be cool (Where I started on the occult, is from him, alot of my knowledge is from him). I guess I’ll just be honest. I’m a greedy, arrogant, lustful, childish, cocky, lazy, and over confident fool. I tend to put myself above those whom I wish to become friends with, the demons I have around me and watching over me, I should be more respectful and grateful towards them, hell they’ve saved me from certain death at least four times I know of. And I shouldn’t cut demons off and be absolutely rude to them. I’ve got a lot to learn, especially if I want the knowledge I lust for. They have shown my plenty of times of what to do, but my own issues tend to get in the way, it sucks. That’s a huge goal with me, getting Demons to help with my issues and lead me the right way.

Well that’s all I can think of for now.

I’d like to apologize to Satan, Lucifer, King Paimon, 1, 2 (Vuh), 3, 4, 5, 6 (Mynm), 7(Lamb), 8(Magnus), and 9 (The demons I have around me, numbered in accordance to who I found out about in order.), Raziel, and the others whom I do not know the names of, in a formal way, I want to do my best to make amends to all of them. How would I do so? I’m poor so I can’t really buy anything and I feel like they deserve a proper apology.

Also Asmodeus has kept popping in my mind for some reason for the past week or so, never read anything on him but keep feeling like I should know more about him. Who is he?

Anyways thank you for your time and any advice, help, or insight you may be able to give. And sorry for the ramblings.

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This is a good starting point. I’d call upon each of them separately in a way that best suits your abilities and just give a heartfelt apology. Sincerity in your will and intent goes along way. Have you made any long term or lifelong pacts? That’s another good act of good Will is to hold up your end of the bargain (if this applies to you).

As for offerings, I see you live in Missouri. There’s some cheap sweet wine I get locally called St. James Velvet Red that’s between $5-6. You could buy a bottle and use it for libations for multiple spirits. I know from my own personal practice that Lucifer and King Paimon both like it (FYI, Lilith went into an energetic frenzy over it). Also liquor stores have them small pocket-sized bottle of alcohol if you don’t want to go that route with a whole bottle of wine. Dollar stores usually have a lot of cheap herbs, spices, and olive oil. You could make an offering of vapor from these ingredients according to what the spirits like or prefer. Ancient gods like Lucifer will also accept an “offering of time” that doesn’t cost money just your personal time in dedication to him in some way. Another “free” offering which might require a little research and effort is finding plants, vegetation, etc. from nature that corresponds to the traditional preferences of various spirits you work with (if possible).

As for Asmodeus (Asmoday, Ashmedai, Aeshma) I’ve worked with him and he is truly a fierce energy. Definitely do your research before calling upon him. This is just my own experience but when a spirit’s name starts popping up in my mind it’s usually a sign they want to get your attention. From my personal notes and from what you’ve written in this post maybe he wants to give you mental sharpness or develop your strength and will. Only you can know for sure.

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Thanks! I’ll definitely look into the cheap stuff and Asmodeus

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