Gender Dysphoria & Lucifer

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
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Though I understand this is a community for the topics of different nature’s, & that my issues are best suited elsewhere, it involves my involvement with my beloved Lucifer & other spirits. …so here we go.

As a Transsexual I deal with gender dysphoria in a major way. In the past it’s played a heavy hand in my earnest & near successful suicide attempt. As well as a general sense of torment, depression, confusion, guilt, shame, anxiety, anger… Ect… Both as a child & adult.

I’ve lived with it for as long as I can remember & hadn’t realised how accustomed to it that I’ve become… So much so that when I realised that I haven’t been feeling it lately, I felt as if something was wrong, & even though perhaps I was “wrong” about how I identify & have come to know myself. And, left me feeling uncomfortable with not feeling uncomfortable… Weird Shit, I know.

Yet, this general feeling of well being started not too long ago, about the time I embraced the left hand path & started communicating with Lucifer again.

That said, I don’t know if Lucifer has had a hand in this or not.

But, I find it odd that when I started building a relationship back with him & working with his aid to get what I need for mtf transitioning, my dysphoria has slowly lessened over this past few weeks.

In fact, my gender euphoria has increased sense working with him & joining this group. to all my supporters : you are my lovelies, thank you so much

Even though it’s been about the time that I usually experience a real low & heavy handed bitch-slap from Dysphoria, I have noticed it slowly going down, & the presence of my attending spirits increasing.

It wasn’t until this morning that I woke up & looked in the mirror that it hit me with a tone of bricks! “there’s that ugly son of a bitch” I said aloud. Instantly I felt a spirit enter me & look me dead in the eye & say, “none of that”, the way a stern friend would.

As soon as he entered me, I felt a general sense of well-being & contentment with “who” I am & know myself to be, rather than “what” I see in the mirror.

The Spirit told me that I’m not my body, that my body is not me… Only an expression & vehicle for what “truly matters”…the person inside. But, I didn’t feel trapped in my body, only that it’s a temporary loaner … And will have to do for now.

So to this counseling spirit and Lucifer 4 whatever part they have played in my general and overall well being I say: “thank you, thank you so much”…words don’t do my gratitude justice.

Love ~ Bellamy :kiss:

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I am so happy that you are doing spellwork to make yourself more comfortable and feel more right! I am happy that you have Lucifer as a guide. He is presently helping me to dig out and heal some past traumas so I can move forward.

Dysphoria is such a vile evil. It has kept me boxed into my little feminine package for a long time now, even though I consider myself to be genderfluid. I wish you absolutely nothing but love and strength!

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Gender Dysphoria in gender-fluid persons isn’t all that uncommon, they even have the term non-binary gender dysphoria. And it’s all terrible. But, it is what it is.

There are moments that I see something like facial hair or hair on my fore-knuckles & think with a slight annoyance, anxiety & sadness, “y-e-ah”. With the same feeling of an “o ya” moment. This is when I’ve had a chance to forget my body & ignore the parts that trigger me.

But, so far my attending spirits only steps in when it’s more than a mild discomfort. If it’s something I can just shrug off, he let’s me. But, if it’s heavy Shit, well he has… So far… Literally stepped in & shared that confidence & contentment of his with me.

But, I’m usually okay on my own. We’ve been working on past traumas as well. But one thing at a time. Besides, I’m writing a book at the moment where a lot of this stuff comes up so… Ya… I’ve always been good about digging up bones on my own.

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I am always better at helping others heal and work through their own traumas than on focusing on mine.
I am very happy you are working through yours. It is always awful to have the mirror tell you something that your heart doesn’t agree with.

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I’m often the same way, but I constantly being urged to go back to my Buddhist tools of self-care by the spirits I work with, as well as human friends or siblings. So, I do… & it helps. I find it makes me more capable in healing others, & being more capable of helping others heal helps me heal.

As for

I just give it time & eventually find that I can agree with what female friends & family tell me often, I’ve always been a pretty “guy” ( cringe). :joy:

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lol, I get the reverse, I’m too “pretty” to be a guy.

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Lol… You would be a pretty guy. Nothing wrong with pretty boys, I like those too.

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Stumbled on this and to put my 2 cents in, Strega: This cis guy gets called a pretty boy all the time when I haven’t shaved my beard down from grizzly bear levels.

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What the hell is a ‘cis guy’? A heterosexual?

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Cis is the newspeak terminology for non-trans. I have adopted it for practical brevity reasons.

Also, I’m bi. Girl focused, but no discrimination.

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That’s retarded. Why adhere to a pointless word with no inherent purpose other than to displace the original word distinctions of lesbian, homosexual, bisexual and heterosexual? Is it to exert some kind of social dominance and priority over the non-trans by giving transsexuals an individual identity and throwing all the others in a box which has no identity other than they’re not transsexual? Actually, I do not care, but thanks for the insight.

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I think Lucifer can help with that. I mean, he’s the one who supports more than anyone, the freedom of doing anything you wish for and taking your fate to your own hands. So, it’s normal that he can help you there.

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You’ve misunderstood. Allow me to break down.

Originally: 2 genders, male and female. Simple, correlating with sex organs.

Current year: at least 4 genders, further still in debate. Male, Female, Transgender Male, Transgender Female. The originals are typically considered “Cisgender” because where Trans in Latin is “the opposite of”, Cis is “this side of”.

Essentially it’s the human need to categorize things manifesting when as far as I care we’re all just human.

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I think I’m going to stick with this. I have simple taste and I don’t care about the current year or the modern world for that matter.

Well, I’d refute that given there are ‘sub-races’ and diverse ethnicities, if you will, just as there are different types and breeds of animals and insects and crustaceans; the scorpion and the spider belong to the arachnid family or class but are distinctly different for example. But this has political implications so I’ll stop there.

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Thank you hun’’ that’s pretty much what he’s done most of all. He’s given me a great deal of insight already, always have & often, mostly offered frames of perspective that I hadn’t thought of yet. And while there isn’t a cure for Dysphoria, it can be eased through therapeutic means (be they medical, i.e. physical or mental: like shifting of perspectives & certain levels of acceptance).

He & his aids have helped me find a holistic view of my gender identity which reminds me of the depictions of the Buddha where one sees him represented as being neither male nor female, but a union of the two. I’ve avoided this sort of view before, thinking it would only add to my discomfort, but it’s proven helpful instead.

It’s also helpful, to note that every spirit involved thus far has been in the business of getting me to except that I’ll never be able to become female. Though concepts like man & woman / boy, girl are only social constructs contracted into the general contract of perception & title. But, things such as male & female are genetic.

And, even if HRT (hormone replacement therapy) we’re possible in my case, any affirming operation or procedure would never change the issue of genetic truths, only physical expressions & manifestations of mental & even spiritual identities.

Other than that, our agreement is that he & others would grease the wheels as it were, where needed & do all in their power of the possible to make that happen. But, naturally, I’ll have to do a fair share of the work ~ within my ever growing compacity.

But, so far, true to form, he’s mostly empowered me to set the course to enact the change I want/need myself. Already, he’s saved me what would cost quite a bit of money which would have been spent on gender therapist (he & the others)… Like $300-$500 a visit cheaper.

In fact, he & his aids have been the ones to dig up the sources of inspiration for my current book project: which is pulling from my own life, art in the story of a fictional character (for privacies sake). They, also have agreed to help me learn to control my gifts & become more adept at divination… relying more on skill than just talents. Talent will only get you so far, but skill will get you further. Just IN art, I’ve seen people with greater skill in what they can do, grow & far surpass those who relied mostly on natural talent. Talent is nothing, if you don’t have the skills to use it.

They have also agreed to aid me in learning & operating with divination & energy work for perceiving, reading & healing energetic bodies.

Divination & Energy work will be something else I plan on writing about in the future, & using as a means of support. I hope to open my own shop (both online & physical) where I can offer my services in the future. This will eventually require me to move, but that’s okay … I’ve been looking forward to that for a while now. I’ll likely also offer materials such as E. A.'s (and others) literature & other materials at at reasonable (but still profitable) price. The store will be geared (mostly) towards the left-hand path.

That all said: I’ve been told to grow in my path significantly in order to best protect from & brace myself for public backlash. But, had I been able to find these sort of stores & teachers in the Bible-belt as a teen, then I would had started on the path in earnest, a long time ago.

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