Fuego, otherwise known as Douglas James Cameron, or Jamie Cameron, is back

I recently, in addition to being as a teenager diagnose with Major Depressive Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder, as well as an Epileptic since birth, and having a grand mal seizure at 18 as a comeback; in 2016 was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and now Paranoid Schizophrenia - currently in my first week of partial hospitalization after three suicide attempts and nearly was about to jump off a parking structure, was talked down by a dear relative two weeks ago.
A couple years ago, I was worshipping demons, was kicked out of that apartment, moved to Virginia at that moment, and shortly after being kicked out of there because I was doing the same in a mixed Christian and Witch household. I summarily went to a nondenominational church, destroyed all materials in a bonfire, and had a deliverance.
@Lady_Eva, hello again.
I have been under constant attack by others, was jacked one night by a dark skinned guy in the early morning and had to plead for my life after being hit hard in the back of the head by the guy. Crip friends were ready to roll on him, and on the ones socially humiliating me, but convinced them not to. Still get insulted and harrassed daily. I found myself in vengeance mode, and am back after reviewing old LHP books.
So, bound for hell yet again it seems, as I cannot love or forgive myself or others now.
Wonderful.

Hi there, that seems like you’ve had a ton of crappy stuff to handle, sorry to read that.

What’s your current view on what might help?

If you tell us what’s making sense to you right now, someone might be able to help you put that to work in a better way. :thinking:

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Hey @Lady_Eva, thank you for the kind words.
Ive found it helpful, as I have a high level of impatience, and a low frustration tolerance, so inevitable when this one dude takes over all discussion and wastes half the time, Ive found it helpful to go out and stand on a trees roots, and have my back “merge” with the tree, to ground myself, and with counting breath, to become calm. Much better than flipping the table over, lol.
I honestly dont know, I kept hearing my name called, but never another word past my name, which helped drive me insane. I wondered if it was someone trying to scan me or get my attention. Add to that Id be out walking, and again, from the shadows, someone doing the same thing.
So I dont know if someone here might know exactly what the hell was going on.
I appreciate you :slight_smile:

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Also, revisiting listening to Motorhead and Maiden helps a lot. Luckily I saw Motorhead and Heaven and Hell a month or two right before Dio and Lemmy died, may they RIP. Metal helps calm me, oddly enough.
I shot myself in the foot by posting an ad on several sex sites, to be willing to go down on women, with no reciprocation necessary, as shall we say, I have middle age men problems.
I neverrealized how many women were offended by such a request, several people in my apartment commun ity and at work razzed me way too muc, and pissed me off enough, that I was either going to hop a train to Denver, or jump off a parking structure. When people realized I wasnt fucking around, they laid off for the most part. Add to that, some dude jacked me in the middle of the nigh, punching me square in the back of the head from behind, leading me to plead for my life. Im not non dangerous to a degree, but this dude was built like a football player, and bloods and crips have both been on my tail, or so it seemed. I can handle that for the most part too.
It was just all fucked up, so if anyone can give me insight into what exactly was going on, it would be helpful.
I dont want any action taken on them, as I realize I dont want that karma for one, and they dont really deserve it in my opinion.
I really am not sure, but appreciate it.