From the ashes of my former self. My journal of self rebuilding and refocusing

This journal will be about my experiences, magical, spiritual, and personal.

Hello, I have decided to write a journal for a few reasons. I want to be more active on the forum as I love how open and helpfull everyone is but also as a way to keep myself on track magickally. I figure if I keep a journal here for all to see, it will motivate me to do more and I can track my progress as well. My grimoire is in a storage unit at the moment.

I would like to add my knowledge to various topics but as of right now I feel I have more work to do before giving advice on anything, so I shall start here as I am rebuilding myself after years of mental turmoil and procrastination.

I am working with Lucifer and Amaymon at the moment and my life is far better than it was about 6 months ago. I feel more confident and grounded instead of out of place and lost all the time. I will update as I am able due to having a busy job atm.


Entry 1. No date specified.

I began chanting while staring at the pentagram. I felt an immediate shift in myself. I felt more centered and powerfull. This lasted a few days for me and still comes and goes. The room looked a little different and I began to see shadows again and different balls of light moving around and into me. I have been seeing more flashes of light coming fron my right hand and in the corner of my eyes at various random times ranging from white to blue and sometimes red. Sometimes with direct vision.

I am used to seeing shadows and find that the more I meditate or do any kind of working they appear more frequently as if observing me at all times. They don’t stay around long, as I notice them they move across the room and leave or move towards me and then leave before actually reaching me. I have noticed that my wand (I like wands) flashes with bright blue energy like a burst of energy is naturally being discharged at random times even when covered up. To me these are signs I am recovering my abilities to see energy with my own eyes and not just my minds eye. My empathic abilities are regaining strength as well.


May 10th 2019.

Not sure what time it was but I was awoken to an energy entering my room which doubles as my temple. The shadows projected onto my wall from ambient light began to thicken and widen. The whole of my room began to grow darker as well. This felt oppressive and negative like it was there to attach itself to me. I had done a burning of any parasites attachment the night before as I was drained 24/7 of all energy. I saw this energy building from my wardrobe. I immediately formed horns with my hands kind of like a horned salute (idk why it just happened) like palpatine shocking luke lol I pointed my hand at the shadow and pushed it back. It tried to form again a minute later and again I pushed it back out and stating it wasn’t welcome and must leave. It has not come back yet.

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May 12th 2019

I have begun chanting again to awaken and strengthen my black flame. It felt incredible, probably due to being drained for a few days. I am going to continue this daily as well as some meditation and other excersises.


August 5th 2019

Took a break from everything for a bit due to working and getting sidetracked as usual. Fought off a parasite that attached itself to my mother. She had stomach pain and nausea (we think bad food or dairy) I began to send energy to her to help with the pain as it wasn’t really something to “heal” helping with the pain was my goal. During this session I saw this parasite wrapped around her waist, it was like an octopus but big and red with huge eyes. It did not let go easy and took a good 20 to 30 minutes to remove it from her and then another hour or so to finish it off. It survived multiple burnings from me and wasn’t until I thought of a hellhound randomly that 2 came in and attacked it finally getting rid of it. It took a lot from me that day but her pain and nausea subsided with in an hour or so after that battle and was quickly getting back to normal the next day. This reminded me though that I need to do more and get more serious and meditate more, so if another one shows up or whatever situation takes place I am better prepared for it and stronger as well.