Forum documentating my experience with the occult

Journals, Group Rituals & Free Readings
, , , ,
1

My first post that wasn’t my introduction, here we go. I’ve had a horrible life. I’m not even 20 and I’ve been assaulted, abused, sexually manipulated, and I’ve torn down almost every friendship I’ve had. I won’t go into details as this place isn’t meant for trauma dumping and venting, but my life is overall pretty shit.

I recently started researching the occult and the goetic demons. I’ve drawn some sigils that are ready to go for some invoking. But I’m afraid nothing will change. I’ll first invoke Belial to banish the parasites that I’m almost certain I have. I’ll invoke Agares, Glasya-Labolas, and Orobas to teach me art, science, the origins of the world, and some languages (Nepalese, Japanese, and Spanish). I feel like I’m building my hopes up too high and if one thing goes wrong I’ll give up entirely. I want to dedicate my life to magick. It feels like occultism is my last chance at enlightenment.

There have been many people who’ve wanted nothing more than my death and I wish to hurt them. Am I in the wrong for such desires? It’s not right, they are only human they don’t deserve spiritual punishment such as a curse. They’ve made my life horrible but that doesn’t give me the right to return the favour.

I’ve never been in a healthy romantic/sexual relationship. I’m new to occultism but is it possible to change me into a sex demon or something. I hate how I look and how I act and how powerless I am. I’ve had schizophrenia and a split personality dissorder earlier this year but it only lasted a month. Were those spirits? I was shown visions, and had sex with one of them and now I’m getting diagnosed with some form of disasociative dissorder I don’t even know about in 5 days.

I live with my brother and parents and they don’t know about the occult. My brother has read some of the lesser key of solomon but doesnt really care for it. I don’t want to scare them if I have sigils scattered across the floor and potential fire hazards (candles) everywhere. How am I supposed to do this privately and not scare them.

I’m going to try the invocations. Should I be taking my anti depressants if I’m going to do this? If all things go well you’ll hear back from me about whatever dreams I have after invoking and anything I learn. I’m not going to invoke tonight as I’m mentally drained and I took a sleeping pill.

Lastly can I work with Marbas to alter my body in any form? I hate my body.

- Ashley

1 Like
2

Welcome to the forum!

I KNOW RIGHT??? Even though I haven’t accomplished anything GREAT in my life, there always seems to be people jealous of others, I can NEVER understand these types of people :joy:

3

I recommend Ant’harratu from the Book of Azazel by E.A. Koetting. He is the go-to guy when you want to rebuild your entire life from scratch, and will tear down the parts of it that are in your way.

The thing you need most though seems to be be healing - You can work with the MAP (Medical Assistance Program) team (Book by Machaele Small-Wright) for healing, they are really good and safe eve with parasites around.

No, not really. “demon” itself is just a label the Judeo-christian religions give to the gods of the people’s they conquered and entities not on the ‘A’ list of angels and maybe saints. It’s not a kind of entity or a species, and gets applied to everything from humans they don’t like to ghosts, fae, ETs and especially anything they are scared of. You have to develop your own worldview to figure out what it means to you, but generally it means “evil being” that only wants to hurt you. It’s very negative and fear-based.

You need to get nonspiritual hallucinations under control as these are not magick and not real. You aslo have to banish and cleanse properly before you start anything - the amount of stress and negative emotion you have been under attracts what we call astral parasites, which feed on negative energy. They get in te way of summoning so I would strongly suggest spending maybe a good month banishing, cleansing and getting to a clean base state before summoning. Also set up shields and wards.

You don’t need tools. Look up “tool free magick using your hands” and the “core shamanism tutorial”, also “astral temples” in the search.

Start a new hobby of “going for walks” or “hiking” in nature or a local park - tell people it’s “for your health” or to “clear your head” while you also get some exercise - which is also true. Find a quiet spot and do you workings there. The walk and sunshine alone will do wonders for your health, being away from Emf, negative energy in the home and stress also helps, and you will have the privacy and quiet to meditate and so your workings without interruption or interference.

I strongly suggest you do not until you stop the hallucinations and clear the parasites.

We cannot comment on this rally as we’d just get into trouble for “practicing medicine without a license”.

You should do your research and look up the name of these things and the side effects - some of them actually make you suicidal and/or homicidal (literally side effects written in the packaging insert, which you MUST READ and if you have 2 brain cells to rub together you were going to anyway), so be VERY careful. The doctors will NOT advocate for your actual health and wellbeing, they want your juicy money - they are parasites too in thier way, and they want you hooked for life, so you cannot trust them, you can only trust yourself. So get educated and be your own health advocate.

Especially as your life shows you attract usurers and predators right now - you will change that, but - that’s a pattern that won’t end just because some dumb asshole thinks they get a pedestal called “doctor” to stand on. The psychiatric profession is even worse, and they both attracts psychopaths at 4x the background rate, they are not trustworthy until proven otherwise. Trust yourself and your discernment first, if it feels off, play along until you get get to safety and can think it through. Do not give them reasons to do more to you than necessary,and do not be pressured into decisions, ask for time to think about things.

I would imagine, if it were me, my goal would be to get off anti depressants asap, as they don’t actually work,and don’t even mask symptoms very well - you know what does? Working out - you get 100x the feel-good chemicals from working out and getting good quality sleep. Start walking and find a gym where you do a half hour of lifting 5 times a week. Look this up and start learning about brain chemistry and the effect of exercise and nature. Trees are literally documented in studies as healing to be around, it’s real. Sanitariums used to roll beds out into the sun because the sunlight and vitamin D was so healing - that hasn’t changed, the desire to keep people sick has. A vit D supplement (10k a day minimum) also helps depression but sun is better.

He can help you heal and maximize your gym results. But it’s waaaay easier, faster and more effective to work out. Try treating your gym sessions as ritual time where you commune with Marbas to make alterations at the same time you are focusing on your body to work out. The gym becomes his temple.

Try this: give it 40 days of workouts as a long, repeated ritual working, and then see where you’re at. Draw his sigil on your skin with marker under your gym outfit before you go and open it, asking for his help to transform. and inspire you for the right routine to get where you need to be.

4

@Mulberry This is going to take a lot of time but I’m prepared to do it. I got a bunch of goetic sigils lying around my room should i remove them until I’m cleansed? And what I meant by Marbas altering my body is that I like genuinely hate like my face, small breasts, etc. I’ll try cleansing for a month and when I feel happy for once I’ll come back here to report on my emotional state before invoking Belial for a final banishment ritual from someone/something stronger than myself ( Ritual to remove parasites ). I’ll research the hand magick and stuff but I’m guessing I’ll need to be cleansed for that too. It’s time to fix my life.

1 Like
5

If they’re no open for ongoing workings there;s no need. If they’re open for workings with compatible intentions that’s also fine. You just don’t want conflicting energies cancelling each other out or blending to get unexpected results. If the energy in your room is a symphony, you want to avoid discord and bits out of tune or in the wrong key, in my mind.

We have a thread for using magick for body modifications, in this case gaining height but the principle is the exact same. The fastest way is to use a glamour on yourself, so that you and others see you as you wish. Spell or Demon [Entity] to increase height / grow taller?

1 Like