I was sitting on a bed of mine on the astral plane yesterday and suddenly my servitor that is a companion dog jumps up on my bed and starts to try to get my attention.
I felt so bad because with everything in my life I have neglected my servitors. I really need to start getting back into my servitor work!
On the other hand, I was really impressed how much sentience he had developed on his own. And, even though I hadn’t feed him in a while, he was able to get enough from feeding from the stars.
My biggest weakness still is not having strong self-discipline and I’m tired of being like this. I’m mentally very strong willed but physically I have struggled with having the will to keep pushing forward. So I decided to go to Azazel for some help. Azazel brought up how I needed to start connecting with my body again. Growing up I went through a lot of stuff that lead me to dissociate from my body to cope. In the Qliphoth I healed a lot of this spiritually and emotionally but my body wasn’t in the same place. So, I tried letting myself sink down into my body again, I was surprised the level of self-discipline I suddenly have when I’m fully in my body. It’s like suddenly my mind and body aligned with each other rather than it feeling like the two of them were fighting it out for dominance.
Now one of my main focuses in my life is going to be doing traditional yoga and exercising so I strengthen my mind, body, and spirit connection.
Back when I first worked with Samyaza I remember thinking the whole apotheosis stuff was a just egotistical bullshit. I didn’t want anything to do with it. But it was then that I came to see apotheosis as knowing myself (not be defined by outside forces), understanding my true will, and being able to go out to do that will. Since then this has been my working definition of apotheosis and I came back to Samyaza and told him actually I wanted to work toward that after all.
I’ve been able to really get a good grasp on those first two but being able to go out and do my will is what I’m working on now especially with Azazel. While I have a lot of success being able to call entities and have them help make things happen, I want to get to the place where I can do all that work myself. I’m kind of switching to seeing spirits I work with as teachers now and trying to learn how things work. While I don’t think there is anything wrong with having a spirit do something for me, I want to know I can help myself and stand on my own two feet.
I did a little experiment with a servitor yesterday. Basically I had been doing some magick earlier in the day and I hadn’t grounded myself enough afterward and too much fire had built up in my energy. It was making me very uncomfortable so I was trying to balance it out but was a little hard to focus while I was having to talk to customers and do that. So I went to the bathroom and imagined a form for a water servitor, named it, gave it life, and then showed it what I needed it to do.
After that I went back out to work and I noticed not long after all the excess fire that had been built up was gone and I felt balanced and grounded again.
I wasn’t able to put as much time and effort into this servitor like I would others so I was surprised how fast and effectively it was still able to work.
While working the Azazel I noticed two very distinct sides to him to come out depending on what I’m working with him on.
One inside is very much about inner alchemy, self-discipline, and mental clarity. It’s that king of swords energy. The other side is all about discipline within the physical world, making things happen, going out there and doing the stuff. Both are about self-mastery and will but the first energy is more inward focused and the other is outward.
can’t eradicate this, my finger slipped on the mouse 
This may be pure coincidence but one of the things I noticed I keep thinking to myself after I started to work with Amaymon is:
“I am like a snake. Always shedding my skin and being reborn anew out the death of my old self.”
And I think it’s fitting because I’ve always been someone whose life is just filled with tower and death moments and at first I hated it, but now I love it. I never wish to become stagnant.
While meditating with Azazel one day I suddenly understood what I wanted to do and how everything from art, gardening, magick, etc all interconnected together with this. And then how I could make money from it too. I now have my clear path forward to the kingdom I want to build!
I feel like I don’t truly/fully understand anything anymore. The more I learn the more I see how much I don’t know or understand this universe I live in. How much the culture I grew up in and even the limitations of the language I speak have bound me up to perceiving reality in a certain way. And now I’m staring into this vast void of unknown before me and my human brain struggles to wrap itself around it because I longs for certainty.
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in my practice is: to avoid getting taken advantage by spirits I needed to get to the place where I chose myself above anything else. Before I go into ritual, even if it’s for something I really need or want, I get to the place where I let go of any sense of desperation I have toward that thing. I realize even if I don’t get what I’m asking for me (my spirit/soul) is safe and ok. No matter what happens in the physical reality I’m ok. Then I go into ritual and I ask the spirits for help. And when I do this I can approach them as partners in what I’m doing rather than me desperately grabbing at them for help. The interesting thing is when I do this spirits often times don’t even ask me for an offering (or maybe it’s the relationship or work that I have with them that’s the offering) but if they do I always give it after the what ever we are working on comes to pass.
Above all else put yourself first in your practice and never let anything or any being take that place from you. Spirits that try to take advantage of people prey heavily on those who are desperate because they are an easy target.
Keep going lol more is always revealed, i know it can be clicè but the deeper you go inside yourself the more wisdom you wil find from within.
Even if you don’t call upon them or ask any of the Watchers for assistance they are there pushing you to go deeper into the unknown.
Guiding you to a more blissful pasture, even ones you dont work with or call upon, i know this from my own experience.
Yes we may go through some deep integrated shit from within and with the outside world, i feel the more more we awaken the more we grow even if we dont notice nor understand.
This is so true and another big lesson I’ve been learning! And I was surprised to see how spirits will come along side you as you’re walking your path. The type of Christianity I grew up in taught me this mindset that I had to grovel before god/gods because I was so unworthy of anything good because of how innately evil I was born. But in reality that’s not how spirits that like to work with humans see us. They step in our lives to guide and push us so we can go even further in our paths. @Apostles1311
Indeed they do, its very fascinating
I feel the more we grow the more come to help us on our Journey, even ones that are from different Pantheon’s jist my experience.
The hardest part for me is when you become close with someone and there lost loved ones come to me, in various ways, and various states of mind.
Sometimes they hinder and sometimes they help, and sometimes they just chill out lol frfr
Right! Sometimes spirits of other pantheons will stop by just to say something they think will be helpful to me and then leave. Off and on Odin comes into my life even though I don’t actively work with him right now.
I don’t have much experience with ancestors and loved ones. Mostly I’ve always felt disconnected from my family. I was the black sheep. But I want to get into ancestor work eventually even though I know it will be a mixed bag like how you’ve experienced past loved ones.
The funny thing is, is there not my loved ones hahaha!!! Frfr
There loved ones of people i get close too lol
Absolutely though i dont always know who they are unless they make themselves known but i do always feel them.
A few weeks ago Kali came to me, we had a good experience with each other, and it was completely out of nowhere, even though i knew she has been around me for a few years she nvr came open to me and came forward.
The thing is i know there can be many Parasitic entities that will try to disguise themselves and whenever someone new opens up to me.
I always ask my MaMa Lilly if they are who they say they are. She always says to me with my first full name and says donyou really think im going to allow a parasite come that close to you.
Unless i do something totally assanine they always protect me from the Parasitic fuckers
This reminds me of how I was hanging out with this guy and suddenly the spirits around him asked me, “Should we pursue you (romantically)”. And I told them that I was only interested in him as a friend. They were so nice and understanding. It was an interesting experience!
That’s so wonderful you have someone protecting you! To be honest, I was kind of thrown out into the deep end and the spirits around me gave me guidance when it came to learning how to overcome harmful spirits. But it was hard because for me it meant facing some of my darkest shadows.