So, many times I’ve spent time with Lilith as in lighting candles in her honor and as a way to show her my love for her. I have always felt a sense of peace and calm when I have done this in the past. I would also do things like make a candle lit dinner with a place for her at my table etc when I was working at developing my relationship with her. She has always been as a mother to me, very protective and calming in so many ways. I’d like to state that I have never heard her say anything and that these feelings were only impressions I was receiving for lack of a better way to describe it.
Tonight I felt led to light candles for her and to take my relationship with her and my craft a step further. I felt led to start incorporating my pendulum into my craft as well tonight. I’d like to say that I have been doing so much research that I felt that it was time to really start putting more action into my practice because that’s where things really start and happen as far as learning etc from what I understood inside.
Well I was just going to light some candles and spend time with her but decided to stare at her sigil to make contact I guess you’d say? This was only the second time I had done this. The first time was just a trial run and was really beautiful. I held her sigil in my hand and as I continued to gaze at it, it did everything that people mentioned that it would. Flashing, disappearing and even beautiful colors of light and dark purple, it was amazing.
Tonight I did the same type of gazing as I did before but inviting her in so that I could feel her. The experience that I had was not like any of the other times that I spent time to honor her. This time I started to experience intense pressure all over my body like I was being crushed, I felt really intense heat throughout my body, increased heartbeat and the feeling like I was going to implode. Those physical feelings were accompanied by a feeling of almost intoxication but like in a really out of it almost confusing kind of way? My intention was to draw closer to her so that I could start communicating with her through my pendulum. Well we were able to establish the directions for yes and no and I was able to ask her a series of questions which was really cool.
I had let her know that her presence inside and around me was a little too much and asked if she could ease it up a bit and it didn’t seem like she did. After my session I had been feeling like shit physically and also nauseous with a really shaky feeling in my body. I did some things to ground myself etc and am doing a little better now.
My question is why was tonight’s experience so dramatically different from the feelings I would have of comfort and peace when I would honor her before? Was it because I actually activated her sigil and that what I felt tonight was her actual energy not what my mind could have been creating in the previous rituals etc? I have searched in the tool bar here and have read lots of posts about feeling sick after an invocation but haven’t seen much on Lilith specifically. I was told many times that Lilith chose me by a few different witches in the past and I’m wondering if I did something to make her upset because the feelings were so physically uncomfortable that I’m not sure what to think.
Thank you so very much for any insight you may have for me I appreciate it so much.
Also, I realized I went straight into invocation without first creating a circle to balance the energies as S. Connolly suggests doing so maybe that’s it? I didn’t think about it at the time as it was an impromptu invocation with me just going with the flow. Thanks again!
