First few Shamanic Journeys (Guided) / Journal

Hello everyone,

I wanted to record what happened and what I saw in following my first few shamanic journeys to meet a spirit guide.

I got the amazing guide from @Lady_Eva (thank you very much again) on core shamanism but because I have trouble with “getting in the zone” and progressing trough with journeys (I linger at certain steps very often and get sidetracked) I tried a guided meditation.

The video I used ill link below. If my decision to use this video was good or a failure I do not know yet. If it is a failure I guess I will need to search for ways to do it like desrcibed in the tutorial sent to me without getting dragged down by these experiences. But now to what I experienced:

  1. First try. I layed down and relaxed listening to the drums and the voice. After a while I felt my heartbeat syncing with the beat and electricity run through my whole body.

After a while I also felt a slight pressure between my eyes but I tried to concentrate on the drums. The forest described was like a european one with autumn leaves scattered on the floor the trees were lush like in spring on the other hand. There was enough space around every tree and it was not to packed.

On the left side ran a clear river. I kind of shifted to a clearing in form of a half-moon and the trees got packed tighter on the other side so I could not get or see past them. In the center of the other side stood a thick tree with its branches high above all other trees.

It was like 2-3 times taller then everyting around it. The roots where thick and branched of before digging into the earth. On the right side was an opening shaped like a door leading down. The way was paved with grey stones and wound straight down only to slightly bend to the right getting tighter spiraling clockwise into the earth.

I got to a clearing that was a mirror to the one above only that there was no river to my right and a still pond was to my left. The trees where really thin and high like no tree would be because normally they would just break in to shaped like that. There were no branches but red collored crowns shaped like small clouds.

The base was covered in a kind of fog or darkness but i did not feel anything threatening or something like that. It was just very hard seeing things there. At this point the voice in the video talks about not everyone being able to see or hear their guides and going on about making negative experiences there.

I normally am hard to make angry or hatefull but I felt an indescribable primal rage flaring up. I literally imageinged ripping his throut out to silence him. It was hard for me to calm down but after he talks about just beeing there i intentionally calmed myself and let it be.

After looking around I found that I was not alone on this clearing anymore. I sat on a small stone looking around and there was like a waling path between the trees that had not been there but I felt like it was not for me to step on to. I saw a pitch black stag with his head and horns held low (kind of threatening pose).

I did not feel fear or something like that though. I remembered what was written in the tutorial and asked it if it was my spirit guide. It just shook its head like a stag wanting to battle. I kind of thought that it might be something else because I kind of wanted my spirit animal to be a stag.

I asked if it was my desires and direktly after it just shattered into mirror like fragments and I felt like i actively did that somehow. Then I saw a flash like vision of a big black dog running through a forest.

Shortly after the drums got faster and I left a bit unsatisfied.

I have repeated the session a bit more and will post what changed after this. Here is the link to the video I used:

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Ok. After I had the first journey I paused for a day to get calmer and more focussed.

I went walking with my mother on a wandering path between feelds and a forest and thought about what I had seen and heared. I started to see deer and stags all over the place (Advertisements / Pictures etc.) not dogs though.

I thought about what the stag could be. It kind of said it wasnt my spirit animal but maybe I also asked the wrong questions. I thought about It being something else then a spirit guide but whatever it is i did not feel that it wanted to hurt me.

So I went into another round of the same guided journey. At this point I was still unsure about the stag and also the shattering felt wrong somehow. So everything pretty much went the same way. I saw the path being there again from the start but I still feel that it is not ment to be walked by me at least for now. I did not encounter anything in this deeper forest this time around but I instead said a few things.

I asked my spirit guide to show itself to me. I also said adressed to the stag, that I am sorry for the way I handled myself the last time. I was inexperienced and rushed to things. If it wants to show me something or guide me and is still willing to come to me again.

I did not see or hear anything and left but this time with a good feeling. The voice of the video did not really bother me that much anymore either.

Third time (last time until now) was a day after. I saw the tree and went down the stairs leading to the second clearing. I was faster then the recording in its guided path and had to stop myself and look around a bit to match what was said.

When I stepped out i saw to beeings waiting there for me. In the center of the clearing stood the black stag with red eyes and a bit behind to my right stood a big black dog with long kind of locked fur. It kept in the background a bit and I kind of felt drawn to the stag a bit more.

I apologised to the stag again and asked different things now. I asked if it was my ally and it nodded. I asked it to guide me and show me what it wanted me to see. I foung myself on its back and said something like: then let us all go.

It brought me up onto the first clearing and the black dog followed. I pondered on either taking them with me or leaving them above on the first clearing and settled on taking them with me.

I stood beside the stag and looked at it pondering when the dog dragged me by my left arm abit to the side away from the stag but i do not know why at this point. I feel like they both know of each other and there is a kind of respect they have for each other but they kind of not like each other. Hard to describe but that is how it felt.

I said I would listen to both and was ready to be shown how to improve even if it would be hard. I kind of felt affirmation from them and asked them to come with me and remembered what was said in the tutorial again (asking about a way (sigil /name) to refer to them and get an easyer connection.

The stag said something i did not expect. It called itself “Artemis”. I was kind of suprised by that because I did not work with greek gods before and did not really inform myself about artemis. The dog said “Fenvu” (was kind of hard to hear him he began with Fen but the last part got a bit static. It is not fenrir though that i am kind of sure about).

The dog then jumped up and merged into my solar plexus. The stag did the same but merged with my forehead. Nothing happened after that and the journey ended.

After that I looked into the goddess Artemis a bit. She is assosiated with deer and also dogs. I had a weird feeling of the both beeings to belong together but did not know why before. I read up on celtic lore at the moment and Artemis was never a focus before.

The weird thing was that about a year and a half ago I played an mmorpg playing a hunter. I looked up mythological hunter names because why not. I chose Actaeon then. The dude who was turned into a stag by artemis und ripped apart by his own dogs.

I did not look into Artemis then and do not know what to make of this yet. I had a day of rest after this because I attened my best friends birthday. I have not felt anything different as of yet but will post it here if I do or journey again.

I hope this was helpful or at least entertaining to some of you. If someone has any opinions, advice or something like that feel free to post them. I would be happy to hear from you guys. Until then have a nice day.

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Gather round boys and girls of all ages for I have an important lesson to give.

We start with myself trying another video on youtube with shamanic drumming this time without a voice.

I wanted to see what to stag and wolf from the last journeys wanted to show me. I layed down and sank ever deeper into myself.

After a while I was deep enough and stared into the darkness behind my eyelids and asked my guides to show me what they wanted me to see. In the darkness colorful fogs of red and blue started to flow but not in any shape I recognised.

I started to stare at one really dark point in the middle of everything but it shifted when I looked at it and I lost it behind the fogs many times. Suddenly I am jolted out of the meditation by an ad for a local hardware store.

The lesson is: check if the moronic uploader has ads in his video beforehand. Have a nice day.

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Hello everyone it is me again. In the last few days I did not use the video again execpt for yesterday on accident.

I started a drumming video on youtube and after that was done the autoplay used the journey video right after that. I do not remember what I dreamed about but I felt a bit exhausted when i woke up today. Not sure what to make of that.

Anyway I found out a few things while doing self-hypnosis sessions that were recommended to me. First one was a past life regression. Second one a meet your ancestors journey.

The ancestor journey linked me to china or an asian influence but I have no asian blood as far as I know. I do not practice taoist magic but am drawn towards druidry and shamanism (atm thinkinbg about joining Obod).

I read a lot of wuxianovels though so who knows what is up with that one.

Past life was interesting though because after thinking about it I saw a link with the spirit journey described above and the form of the spirit guides I met.

Maybe I am just seeing connections where there are none but maybe there is something to it. I saw myself as someone living in a mansion working in my office.

I saw a woman who I think was my wife and she called me “lugh”. At first that sounded od to me and my habbit of changing things i find od in this sessions surfaced and i changed it to john because that felt “normal”.

I later searched for the name “lugh” and found out that that is a name of a sungod in celtic/irish folclore the theme i am getting into at the moment. Now this is where I see a connection with the stag calling itself artemis and the dog. Lugh was said to own a magic dog and also is sometimes said to be apollo artemis brother.

l have not been able to connect with the guides at all until know but i think i am for some reason avoiding it subconsiously. Just wanted to share.

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Just wanted to note down a bit of progress (i guess) just so I don’t forget that some things actually work.
I took part in a scanning thread and just started to scan a few members.

I had never done this before but wanted to try/ train it. As I am mostly a daydreamer and with my meditation my visualisations are getting better. I was scanned back by only one member. The other two both forgot me (seems to be a common occurence to leave me be atm).

After the scannings I felt really tired. I went home and went to bed about 3 hours early but not before putting a shirt I needed for work the next day in my washing machine. I planned to meditate a bit until its ready and hang it to dry over night. I went into meditation but fell asleep fast.

My dream was more vivid then normal and I rarely remember them (getting more frequent after I started meditating). I dreamt I was part of a church I did something but can not remember what. I was held with my arms on my back by to priests. There was this “head-priest figure” not the boss but up there. He beratet me and another priest. This priest was in a room with us and said he was innocent.

He talked about not having done anything wrong and that the council of the church will surely see that to. He was so sure he would be forgiven / deemed innocent. I looked into the eyes of the head-priest und saw contempt for this priest. I laughed. Wholeheartedly and viscous I laughed at him. He was doomed like me. He did not see the evil the church had become and would fall with me by their hands.

He tourned around in a circle to seek affirmation by the other priests but found only silence. I saw the hope and belief in his face shatter and watching that i felt strangely gleefull and content ( do not know where this side of me is coming from atm but it shows its face more often :thinking: )

I still laughed and I began falling suddenly into darkness. When i stopped I found myself in a dark place. There was only dust and stone and in the darkness moved a group of (maybe 4 or 5) beeings. Bodys muscled and with heads of a goat. The sounds of goats sounded and they seemed to be coming for me (got a rapey feeling of them). I was then grabbed by my left shoulder from behind (i think? that bit was blurry). I never saw what was behind me but I woke up at 2 am.

I instantly thought how od it was and also that I forgot my shirt. I went to hang it to dry and felt the need to put on a lucifer mantra of youtube. For some reason I heared the house settle and it worried me. I saw shadows move and felt somone look at me. It felt unnerving. I had to stop the video halfway and force me to sleep.

I do not know why I felt the need to put the video on or why the room and everything unsettled me. I found the dream weirdly facinating though like I needed to remember it (hence this post). I also was rather glad i woke up or i would have had trouble at work. I was grateful if it were any entitiys doing that and have this feeling like: Nice one. You got me good.

I feel more rested now that i had a small break for a few days and will start meditating again now.
I wish everyone the best for their work and hopefully you can get something out of this rant. :sweat_smile:

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What I was interested in in druidry turned out to be not druidry itself but the elemental magic aspect of it.

After talking with one of the OBOD-Members and getting a reading from a @Marticus (thank you again) that just confirmed what i feared I will not go any further with the druidry-path.
I had a long thinking-session and am at least sure of my interests and goals but not sure what current to follow yet.

I basicly want to be able to live on as an entity after death. I want to be able to travel to other worlds and see things thought impossible to me before. I want to learn and later be able to guide others with what i learned and achived. I do not need to become omnipotent but I want to be powerfull.

I am therefore interested in soultravel like shamans do. In elementalmagic and I strongly tend to mix it with something dark. I am fascinated by demons but none really speak to me. Lucifer seems to be a theme but I get a bad vibe from him atm. Maybe because I struggle with my willpower and give up fast because of stress and burnout.

Altough much became clearer then before I fell more lost then before.

As I see it becoming a shaman only feels wrong (seems passive and lacks a dark aspect to me).
In druidry I liked elemental magic but am lacking a direction where to go and what to do with it.
Evoking demons seems to go in the right direction but fear and lack of a clear direction keeps me from doing it.

Seems like I need to search for my right path a bit more.

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Very glad that my reading helped!
What.you want to accomplisch is exactly i aim for myself.

As i read your post, i can give you some tips for demons/ entites.

Azazel is a perfect Daemon master to work with, for overcoming your fear, connecting with your shadow self (jungian and metaphysical), black magick and the first steps towards alchemy/black alchemy.

Aosoth is another deity i recommend you for a specific reason
She gave me knowledge that she was in fact a very old dark druid entity in some closed sisterhoods even worshipped as a goddess who learned woman the craft of weaponry, war tactics, survival etc.
Some see her as a demon but(to me) she said that she wasnt so pleased with that.

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I will look into them.Thank you for the help.

Seems like little is known about Aosoth. But could be that most gets drowned by the metal-bank with the same name in the search engine.

Other then what I have written devouring or some kind of energy-vampirism also appears in my fantasies. Choosing a directing is therefore a bit hard because my interests seem to birth some kind of abomination of many paths. And because one should not mix currents it seems much more diffictult as well.

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The thing with currents is that you eventually have to make your own current.
From a philosophic point of view, the best to approach currents is the theosophic way like blavatsky.

She is a very misunderstood being from what she told me yes

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It is high time I wrote in my journal again. Nothing mayor happened in the last days.
I did a few scans and meditated daily (with a few days here and there where I could not).
Got myself a Kindle recently and started reading Asenath Masons Draconian Ritual Book. I am still only 40% through the book but really like it. I felt drawn to the currenent recently and will be holding the initiation ritual in august.

Because I seem to have the most success with guided meditations I started using them again.
I began with a few chakra meditations using e.g. the video below. Till yesterday I could only distincly feel my crown-,ajna-,throat- and root-chakra. With these meditations I can now at least a bit pinpoint and feel my sakral and solar-plexus-chakra. Today will be the day I try the heart one.
I set myself the goal to cycle these videos for a month so I work on each chakra 4 times.
After that I will use the meditation outlined in the Draconian Ritual Book (all of them in one session).

The one with the solar plexus chakra felt really powerful. I constantly also felt a electric buzz in the root and sacral. Because I am a bit new to this I also had trouble feeling the difference between the sacral and solar plexus for some reason. I think I need more work here. Also there was a power like electricity or fire coming in waves from the base of my spine to its top / the crown and aslo flooding my entire boody like little sparks. Felt awesome.

On another note I have not kept up with any divination technice at all. I have 3 I could use here. Ogham cards, Runes and Tarot. For some reason all of them seem like a big hassle to me at the moment. I can for example not bring myself to learn all of the tarot cards meanings. I know I have to pick something up but I lack motivation.

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Well my friend i walked the shaman path from a young age and there is a ritual you do that allows you to walk amoung the living as well as the dead. But its a life of servitude and often at times very taxing on your own spirit. I to have done shamanic journeys or spirit walks and in each life i was a healer up till now.
This is the first time i am allowing myself no shackles to hold me down and to be what is truly inside of me and develop it fully. My grandfather and great grandfather were both shaman and i followed in their footsteps lime i was supposed to but needed more and darker magick to feel whole.
Dont get me wrong its a fullfilling life if you chose it but if it choses you sometimes you’ll feel lacking. That is just my point of view and could be wrong but i needed more than the old ways to feel free and for the first time i feel free and unburdened by the vast knowledge that lays before me. I’ve entered into a patronage with the mighty King Paimon and am allowing him to guide me in my rebirth of the occult.
So with that being said i wish you well and all the success you desire in your future journeys.

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Thank you and the best of luck and success on your path. I will probably either change the title or start a new journal soon. I realised that it is not really shamanism i seek but just parts of what it was to offer.

For now i plan to work with chakra-meditation, kundalini and some form of divination…basics basics basics.
I will then work through the draconian ritual book and probably the meditation on the qliphoth after that. That should keep me busy for quite a while.

I started these journeys as a kind of initiation to the occult and seeing into myself and other worlds kind of to build a connection and as a training for astral travel and lucid dreaming. I feel that it only gave me a little bit of the whole or at least i am only seeing little. Maybe i am rushing things that take time which is why i am concentrating in basic strenghtening of my senses now.

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Yesterday I finished a full rotation of the guided chakra-meditations. I got some insight to the positions and kind of how each of the chakras feels. All of them seem only noticable when i actively focus on them but i am just beginning so maybe that is to be expected.

The root-chakra is really active if focused on and gives a relaxing feeling like beeing fully unwinded and in the moment. There is also a feeling of something more there. I think i got a bit of a glimpse to the kundalini energy there.

The sacral-chakra is hard to grasp for me sometimes and i have the feeling of having to focus hard to maintain energy here. If i get it though it is like a wave of emotions flooding the whole body.

Solar-plexus was intense. Even remembering it as i write this it starts to tingle and buzz. I had no grasp of it before but the passion and energy coming from it as i focussed on it were really intense.

Heart gave me a hard time. I realised that i had long forgotten the feeling of love and beeing loved. It is burried deep and tears flowed freely that evening. I started to try to remember the positive feeling but it was hard to recall again. Needs more attention / work.

Throat felt different from the other chakras. Where others have like a light electric current flowing this one feels like a storm or mix of fire and lightning. While focussing on it it felt like a word from me might topple mountains.

The third eye and crown give me a weird feeling at the moment. When i started meditating as a first timer i started with the third eye instead of root. It is really active sometimes in the sense that it throbbs and tingles often but with no change otherwise. The crown started to tingle in unison with the third eye and throat almost always.

Now that i started from the root anew i felt impationt and distracted while doing the upper chakras much more then the lower ones. While doing the third eye i also fell asleep for an hour in the middle of the meditation. The weird thing is i was not really tired and it was mostly instant sleep. I remember the first half of the video and then nothing like hazy blackness. I can not recall anything in that time.

I will do this cycle again for some time and then switch to doing all in one when i feel ready. Sorry for the long rants/post. I will be making a new journal soon because what i am doing no longer fits the title.

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Got the second cycle done today. In the beginning it felt more and more like a chore to take time to meditate. This resulted in a weird mindset and a duller experience then it had to be.
Root was fine but going upwards I had the least reaction with sacral and heart.
Solar plexus still felt fine but less intense then the week before.

I had to motivate myself and really give in to the experience to enjoy it and simultaniously got a better and stronger reaction from that. After doing the throat chakra I had a smoother voice and easier time to formulate sentences quick for the day after meditating.

In the video he tells you to “tell yourself: I feel like the clear blue sky”. I kind of shrank into myself into the chakra and was inside a sky made of it. Through the middle rand a very thin and slow moving strand of yellow-gold fire going upward in an unbroken stream.
I had to shift my view back to the chakra itself to not get distracted by it.

This visualisation only worked for the throat until now. I will experiment with it for the rest though.

With third eye I had another thing happen. Near the end I shiftet my eyes upward a bit and looked into the darkness behind my eyelids up to the third eye. I am not a 100% sure but I think I saw the outline of a chinese black dragon hovering before me unmoving. It was a bit hazy like smoke though.

Today after doing crown again I had an interesting experience. I was finished with the video and decided to continue in the silence for a few more minutes. I felt a shift happen in my body starting from my feet. It is hard to describe but felt like I was being submerged in a liquid a bit thicker then water. It flowed around and inside my body and made my body numb.

When it hit my head my mind was layed back. It felt like laying down your head into a warm bubble bath and enyoing the feeling of the warm water touching your neck. I also felt like I was lifted up a bit. Formemost my hands and arms. It felt like they were up but laying down also. I also got a tingling feeling like a membrane under my skin.

I thought it would likely be possible to get up out of my body. I tried a bit but it was like i was stuck in mud. I ended the meditation a bit after trying and not getting anywhere. The feeling was really good though 10/10 would recommend.

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Another week another cycle done. Not much different from last week. I did not get into the weird state of meditation I did last week. I felt like I was close while meditating on the third eye but it would not come.
It felt like there was a warm wave coming and the submersion is the meditative state I felt but I got only to feeling the wind the wave makes if that makes sense. Was a bit frustrating because actively trying to get there does not work and just going with the flow does not work either.

Notable chakras :
Sakral -> not much reaction and still hard to get a grip on the exact location.
Heart -> Had work next day and am under a lot of stress right now. I was overcome with worry and
could not concentrate.
Throat -> still feels different then the electric current the other chakras give. Like the others have only lightning and the throat has lightning and fire (feels harsher).
Ajna-> The throbbing is getting more intense. Body was paralyzed at the end of meditation. My sight after opening my eyes was like the static of a tv just in real life. Everything had like moving black and white pixels. Drawing my sight back resultet in wave like movements at the edge of my sight but I did not see any figures or something like that. In the middle of my sight was a small circle made of the pixels.
Crown-> Was an exhausting day and I did this right before sleep. Got only half way and fell asleep.

I feel like the videos are getting more stale but that is probably because they are so similar and I am watching them repeatedly. I am therefore experimenting with images. Because I want to work with the draconic current I imagined a flaming black trident floating before me. It had a yellow snake /dragon like eye that connected with my third eye with a red flaming light. It seemed like it was burning away something because I got the image of black smoke coming out of my third eye.

Last cycle before I switch to doing kundalini meditation. I wonder if I will see changes soon.

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Not done with the next cycle but felt like i should write some things down.
Seem to be more exhausted then I thought. Slept through root and sakral. Dedicated extra time for solar plexus and heart the last two days. As I said I want to spice things up because I feel going through the videos makes me dull and distracted more then help me meditate atm.
I also seem to have more problems with letting my mind wander and seeing visions. Saw some things and tought about some things while doing solar plexus and heart:

SP: I felt like I do not make any progress with magical senses so I chanted sastans name 11 times in my head. After that I asked him to enhance my magical senses. Saw a flash of a lizard (black) for a second in my head. Driftet into other things after that.

As I am reading into the draconing ritual book my mind wandered to the initiation ritual described in it (want to do it next week after last cycle). I saw myself in a black space with something in the middle i forgot or did not see what though. I was sourounded by some entitys of that current. Lucifer, Lilith, Namaah, Set, Apep, Azazel and lastly I remembered Arachne. I was standing in the middle of this circle and was pounced by her. She was in a half spider half woman form and rammed her fangs into my chest. Did not feel much though.

I was cast into darkness and saw a golden dragon next to a glowing golden pyramid. The name popping into my head was Lucifer. I think he was that dragon. He took it and pressed it into my forehead. I was kind of suprised because I thought heart is first but that came right after. The dragon took a golden heart out of his chest and put it into mine. Sad thing is I do not feel that different or felt much. @SHaDoWSToRM696 reading your journal leaves a mark it seems.

Heart: Today I meditated on the heart chakra. Not much happened. After the video was done I was lost in thought a bit and just felt like I wanted to see at least something. The meditations got more dull every week and I feel starved for results. Need to get over that.

I saw a face of a boy in black and white laughinh at me. And heared a childs laugh like you would in some horror movie. He was standing on a sidewalk at a place I know. I was there only 4-5 times in my life. It is near my grandparents home. A statue is there and a bakery. He stops smiling turns around and steps on the road. I hear a crash and this laugh again.

Across the street is a chruch which is now shrouded by a black fog. It seems meanicing.
Download

I searched If there was an accident there but found nothing. Well not sure what to make of anything yet. Maybe my mind is showing me whatever because nothing happens at the moment and I am impatient. Do not know if my ego is just jerking itself. Beeing a newby sucks :sweat_smile::grin:

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Didn’t know you had a journal bro. Awesome. I’ll read more when i get a chance, at work at the moment.
Actualy saw a golden dragon yesterday and it was lucifer, was just a glimpse though. :slight_smile: synchronicity.

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Nice. Well it is all over the place atm. I will split it soon.
At least I am not off with Lucifer then. I think I am still far off from actually experiencing it though.
I need to just get through this phase I guess. Do not know if I do things right or wrong or if I am getting somewhere.

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I’ll Pm some stuff that’s helped me. Your on the right track. You can read over it and decide if its something you would like to try.

Might take a bit to write up.

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Reached that goal today. I must say that I have mixed feelings with how it went. This is what I learned from the experience:

  1. Following the same guided meditations over and over is not for me. It helped for the first and most of the second week to get a feeling for the meditation and its goal. The last weeks were plain annoying. I noticed myself slipping with concentration and focused on different parts or images. For beginners and people with a hard time finding a way to meditate and visualise I reccomend the guide videos. Later switch to your own thing.

  2. Following these videos I got a better feeling for the chakras but far from perfect. I noticed that I have the best meditation sessions with crown,solar-plexus and third eye and root in that order (solar plexus and third eye on the same level). Throat I am unsure about. I feel it quite strongly but the feeling is hard to describe…different,firey,violent,rough not sure what that is about.
    Heart and Sakral are problematic. I had very few and hurtful experiences with love and none with sex. This is a problem that is rooted deep and I do not know how to fix that for now. Might become a big obstacle further on.

  3. I have more succes with meditations that are either silent and trying to quiet the mind or calmed by drumming / music without vocals. I am also good at visualising landscapes,places and non-detailed things but cant imagine people or objects / writing /sigils well also holding the image for long is difficult.
    Other senses are not that good. My dreams and visuals are mostly silent.

I am thankful for the insight gained but am very glad this is over and I can return to the method that worked better for me. I have the feeling it numbed me a bit because the meditations were less intense and i stoped remembering dreams and also had trouble visualising things I was good at before.

Other things I noticed or happened:
From week two or three onward I felt a pressure on my chest when meditating. Like someone is standing beside me and laying his hand on my chest and slowly moving the fingers a bit. I had flashes of two different things while that was happening. First a black dog laying his head on my chest resting beside me and the other of a woman standing beside my bed and laying her hand on my chest while smiling. Both felt reassuring and calming.

I felt more and more physicaly drained. Like I have the flue. Maybe related to my work and the stress there though.

I seem to have somewhat of a lucid dream yesterday. First dream I remember since a long time. It featured two rooms in two different houses with bookcases instead of walls. Also I seemed to be somewhat of a sidecharakter and my best friend was some kind of hero/maincharakter. The setting was in this world though and I have no concept why I felt that these were our roles.

There were other people but I only remember a blond girl who I seemed to be intimate with but not really because she stood before me naked and when I tried to embrace her she smiled in an evil or mocking way and did not move. It felt like I hit a wall then. Nothing moved and for some reason I realised I was in a dream then. This for some reason felt a bit like the dream before my first and only sleep paralysis experience that kickstarted my way into the occult.

I then kind of took control. I morphed into a form that I imagine mygodform to be or at least wish for it. All the characters of the dream surrounded me by my will and I declared that I will take things in my hands now. I said that the main hero (my friend) has become complacent and is not following the way he should. I dont know why I felt that way but he agreed a bit and the other characters seemed to opose me now (did not hear what they said but felt the agression).

I then said that I am the god of this world and that they will be cast into nothingness when I wake. They seemed to pause for a moment but not really. I felt annoyed I think and then golden flames eruppted out of my body burning everything until only golden light remained. I then woke.

Felt weird but not bad in a sense. I do not have control over people int he dream and if I have any it is shallow. I seem to react on impulses and emotings faster and more extreme then when I am awake.
I remember not many things out of the dream but the face of the girl looking me in contempt and me standing before everyone taking control stuck with me. The girl unsettles me.

To continiue this wall of text: I ordered some acfrican dream root to test out. I seem to be fascinated by dreams recently.
Lastly I will not update this journal anymore. The theme drifted far from the initial title and theme. I think I will make a new one while I initiate and work with the draconian current and ritual book. I planned the ritual for friday night. I will also keep a physical dream journal and write down what I think is interesting. Later will share these here.

I thank everyone reading this and those who gave me guidance and nice words. May you have success in your path.