Finding Persistence Amidst the Moon-Ruled Tides

[NeoFightTheNyophite]

As it were, my own relationship with magick and the occult is born under The Goddess. Likewise, symbolically it is represented by the moon, and the nature of the tides is found within me also. Contained herein I intend to document my experiences finding a stable daily and nightly set of rituals which will persist throughout the natural ebb and flow of my magickal relationship.

Right now the moon has begun its passage towards the apogee, and my closeness with it becomes more distant also. This is not the first time such a transformation of my magickal engagement has occurred. I first started learning around age 14, and after some serious issues with thoughtforms and parasites, I put it away. It was a very conscious decision in some ways, and completely a result of fate on another. It was too much for me to handle at the time, so it was set to the side. The last voice I remember hearing before it went away said something along the lines of “We will return later in your life. We came to show you what is possible and what is out there, and we will return when you are older and more prepared to handle us”.

And thus the prophecy I received was true. So the spirits and the magick layed dormant within me, and I carried on my life mostly normally. I received the word that again my magick would be put on hold a few months ago, though I was skeptical as with it came the message “I doubt you could totally stop at this point”, and again they were correct.

Although my magick is travelling towards the apogee, that is not akin to a total “stop”, it is more a reorganizing of priorities within my life. Admittedly, when I am near the perigee it is true that I am more spirit than flesh- in fact, I think that truth contributes to some of the major issues that I am facing currently. It is the guarantee of both the spirits and myself that the next revolution will not be a repeat of such mishaps, and my relative estrangement from spirit shall serve instead to bolster the balance of the forces so both the mundane and the spiritual shall benefit. I have experienced being pulled far into the realms of spirit, but I do not believe I have ever “been pulled far into the realm of man”, and so this travelling moon shall ensure the success of such a mission.

I considered whether I was meant to completely put down the wand, but in truth it is impossible. My ears and my feet have been blessed so that the words will ever float to me, and the gates to the realms remain ever open. Please, anyone that is early on in their practice, or would consider themselves green to the mysteries of the occult that have stumbled upon this journal, understand the following: This is not a blessing, this is not a brag, This is an admission of supreme responsibility. My abilities are the same that make many a person fall into delusion, fantasy, and veritably nightmares. Remember the following mantras:

“Ask and you shall recieve”, “Be careful what you wish for”, and “Do not summon what you cannot put down”.

Too often I feel neophytes and the inexperienced read about what I can do, or similar things from other users, and they hold those users in high esteem, or with an air of alluring mystery. Please, allow me to stand as a dismal omen of what can come from these practices. This is my responsibility, my blessed curse. For every drop of sugar on your tongue, you must come to acknowledge the coals at your feet. I do this because I have accepted my place amongst the universe, and my duties to the spirits around me. It has taken me many very dark places. Not all will have the same path as me, and most here differ greatly, but at least you should do some hard thinking about what you want the occult to be for you, and what relationship you want with it.

I chose to dedicate my life to it, and it was the first skill/craft I honed in my adult life. It does not have to be this way for you, but please, think about what you want from magick. “Drink only so much as you can handle”. If you are not ready to dedicate not just this life, but many lives to the practice, do not pretend that that is the case. If you want only to supplement your normal life with extra-sensory powers, be clear to yourself and the universe that is your purpose.

For me I can never stop my magick, or separate myself from the spirits, and I would have it no other way. That being said, I can put distance between myself and those worlds, focus my attention on the body and world that I have come to be possesseth of, and orient my extra-sensory powers on very mundane tasks and goals.

So this is where I find myself now. Retreating from the moon-bathed paths, and listening only to my most trusted guides. Instead of engaging in long debates, voyages, and work with non-corporeal forces, I only listen to the guiding words, and seek to implement my spirit more properly with in my body. Shouts out to Tekidor for providing me with a practice to that end (no ping because I dont know how interesting or important they will find this).

This is not a “goodbye spirit” so much as a “hello body”. Hello, beautiful, beautiful body, which I have so long forgot and acted ignorant towards. Hello sweet, hallowed breath which fills my body with golden light. I open myself to you humbly, and with submission. I am sorry I have kept you in the shadows, and tried to hide from your nature. I was wrong for that, and I have hurt us both badly in the process. Please, just subsist through this transition, I will hold the weight and direct. You have done no wrong, it is I who was immature and cruel towards us. Accept my apology and I will heal you, Lilith, Innana-Ishtar, Belial. Admit only your innocence, and your child-like pain, and I will purify your heart, body and mind. You, who is perfect and has held us so heartily and fully, throught sickness and suffering, we will be rewarded for our patience.

You who have opened yourself to the mysteries most shun, even amidst those who practice. Your pain is not hidden to us. You, who have proved yourself worthy time and time again, it is time to pull that feeling within yourself. You are the last piece to the puzzle. Nay, we will spare you the “take your throne”, or “place the crown upon your head”, we are past that point. The only thing that must change is YOU, and we will have the change no matter what you decide to do. Let this truth be your savior, your epiphany. The power is within you, and the moon will awake it, as has already begun. Go in love, as the blue light has guided you to such a truth. Is any writhing creature fit to possess the majesty of such a nothing? Open your eyes to the radiance of your power. It is hear already. Time is only the medium in which your power unfolds, and so writ in stone it has been dictated.

I will leave us both from this hallowed union within the flesh with a remainder of some of your philosophies towards magick and life from earlier on in your practice. You said “suffer now to get it out of the way, so that good things may be had in the future. I would rather deal with problems and issues while young than old”, “aim for the long run, if I have to suffer now for long periods of happiness and success later down the line I accept that”, and “Chaos, let the forces and powers come now, understanding can be had later”.

So it were blindly that these came to pass, and we so approach the finish line, the culmination. Again, go in love, as we have guided you towards.

[Tekidor]

You may appreciate utilizing the name “Karnekaun”. It is he, more a force though, who is “lord of the flesh”. This assists in showing Spirit how to form cellular structures. I’m sure you can come up with your own mantra for your specific needs, but tapping into that name may let you progress more swiftly into a body based practice.

Satnam He’Allash Karnekaun NaFarnosah.

That’s the one I use personally, most often, which is the command for bringing your “true spirit” into a spiritual vessel, which is based in flesh, which then travels to your physical body. Hopefully that gives an idea, and perhaps some more tools for you to use. Good luck. <3

[NeoFightTheNyophite]

The Sleeping

For about a two year period I was plagued with nightmares. They didnt happen all the time, but when they did they were brutal, terrifying, and traumatizing. I have mentioned other places here how I have died or been killed multiple times within my dreams, they all occurred within this period. Most often, more than the nightmares, I very commonly had stress dreams. While not inherently frightening, they would have me waking up feeling terrible, in a funk the whole day. I would’nt feel like I slept, I would feel like I had been doing stressful mental/physical work all night. They usually manifest as dreams where I am moving vast amounts of my possessions from one place to another, with not nearly enough time to complete it, and no way of moving everything (so I knew I would lose most of what I had).

I originally thought I was outright being attacked, and I launched a power and cruel set of rituals over who I coined “the intruder of my dreams” or something like that. Good thing I did the grand finale wrong on accident and included a clause to lesson effects if they apologized because I no longer believe that they were the cause (though I dont think they were helping either). This was after a week of vivid and horrifying nightmares almost every night. This put a stop my nightmares temporarily, but with time they returned.

This brings us to my current nightly ritual. This is repeated mentally in my head whenever I lay down to go to sleep. It has neither completely stopped the nightmares, or the stress dreams, but the lasting effects are almost non existent now. While often times still scary, I dont wake up feeling traumatized anymore, but rather there is a powerful feeling of catharsis. Also, I dont believe I have died once in my dreams since starting this, though I have still been in circumstances I would describe as “mortal terror”. The stress dreams seem lessened too, and I wake up feeling refreshed and can go about my day with a more positive start.

The mantra/spell is:

“I set my intention for my dreams to work with They of Harmony, my spirit guides, and the Goddesses of my dreams, to wield the full powers of the Pleroma to [insert task you want to work on in your dreams (I have been focusing heavy on all types of healing personally)]. I do so in all places, spaces, times, locations, realities, existences, within and without, everywhere and nowhere. I do so under full divine free will authority. So it is my will.”

This is not set in stone, and it definitely needs a lot of refinement, but it gets the trick done. I know for a fact there is some variability in what I say each night. I need to figure out the best way to invoke the forces I want (the part at the beginning), and I need a better more beautiful ending to it all around. I let intuition take me though and I just try and add what I know I need, while saying what feels right in the moment.

Now to take a moment to explain the individual parts.

They of Harmony is a force in the unique system of magick I have been developing, something I have not posted about here. In part, it attempts to draw out the universality of energy and entities by not giving them hard names. Each spirit is one of They, a force of nature, and it presides over one of a limited amount of domains. These are small spirits, like building blocks. The atoms of consciousness you could say. However, named spirits like any God or Demon is comprised of them and is thus also one of They.

The name They is also a trick on the mind. Purposefully obtuse to use in language as they is used so often. It is designed to trip you up and disrupt your normal flow of thought. However, it also aptly describes what they are. Ambiguous, and many. Varied, and non-specific. To speak or think of They is in itself as spell, as They is their name of power.

In this case They of Harmony rule over harmonious flows of energy. A Discordian would call them the “the force of order”. They represent, and are, energy flowing correctly and as it should. Benefiting each party they interact with equally and fairly. This is not always a happy interaction, but it is the natural order of things. They also represent things behaving correctly, and acting as they should (it is harmonious that the tiger should eat the deer). The opposite force of They of Harmony is of course They of Discord.

Im also invoking my spirit guides, and keeping it as vague and general as possible. This is the definition of a blanket statement. In times of fear and doubt, I lose trust for many even very trusted spirits. Obfuscating that and bringing it away from specificity gets the job done even when I dont know who, or I am afraid, to trust.

The Goddesses of my dreams. Again, super non-specific. I have a good idea who these spirits are, that have been in my dreams often blessing me and being kinder than I could imagine, but why even risk the chance of being incorrect and calling the wrong entities? Again, I developed this because of truly traumatic experiences, that I never wish to repeat. Unintuitively, focusing on the minutia increases my odds of making a mistake and could jeopardize the entire working. Being vague not only insures I wont call the wrong thing, but also that anything that I need that will help me is not left out. I’m not calling the Three Goddesses I know about, I am calling ALL the goddesses of my dreams.

Dine free will authority… this helps breaks restrictions you are holding onto that could prevent the spell from success. Often times malevolent spirits will make you feel weak, like you have no power, but you do. You have final say and authority over your own reality, so fucking invoke it. Let the whole universe know you are doing your will.

The end bits: As I focus more on healing, I really find myself falling back to my roots as a lightworker. As an aside, i’ve even been learning and practicing reiki, though certainly not from a teacher a respectable lightworker would speak to. Anyways, this trick of listing where you want things to occur is a pretty powerful one when you need total all around control (I really need to refine this and turn it into something GOOD nahmsayin, and use it more often). The idea is that when you make a change, you want it not to get stuck, or only be targeted on one specific area. As above, so below, attempting to make a change to just the physical could lead your energy to ignore the astral, or the aetheric, or the mental, or the emotional planes where changes also need to occur. And (this is such a lightworker take) you also have past lives, future lives, alternate realities, ancestors… its all connected. You really dont know WHAT is preventing your from your goal, so you must make sure you everything.

So it is my will. I’ve never been good at ending spells or rituals, but something like this works all right.

The Stepping

This is where I struggle more. Not only do I not have a complete spell/mantra for the day, but any partial one I develop I struggle to remember or find the drive to actually walk through it. That being said, I am happy with what I have so far for a partial daily ritual. It goes as following:

“I am the injunction of the forces,
Sublime collaboration of wills,
Clandestine union of Destiny imminentized,
Subsumed within/without the flesh,
For eternity I engage the all-divine balancing,
As child, of the light and dark,
Ascendant, in my actions and victories,
Pure, and healthy, of body and mind.”

This again works with the system I have been developing, though I do not think it needs explaining like They did. It is both a balancing ritual, and a power building one. However, in its current state it is not at all complete, and wont be enough to perk me up in the way I need. This verse is 100% good and should not be changed at all, but it needs more. I want the second to go something like:

“I am the overflowing cup,
And where the wine spills flowers grow”

but it needs built out more. I need too to feed myself and at least a good start to that would be:

“I drink the water from the Earth, and sigh,
From the roots to the leaves on high”

Which actually started off as just a poem but didnt go anywhere. So im thinking, those two should be the start of the second and third verses respectively. Lastly, too, I think the fourth and final verse should be something I wrote over a year ago. The “Declaration of Lawful Might”, which is a pure energy-building self-possessing powerhouse of a mantra. In and of itself though, it never felt like enough. Just like the first verse to this. Together though, with the other two verses written out also, should prove insanely strong.

And after that is finished all I’ll have to do is make sure I build a habit of actually reciting it

[NeoFightTheNyophite]

Being in my abode is a pretty miserable experience for me. I see this clearly now after spending a weekend away watching over someone’s pets. I felt great, not just mentally but physically also. Returning, I feel the familiar funk attempting to wash over me.

I did in fact make poor decisions which have firmly reinforced my lower-middle class standing. Of course, I dont come from money, and I remember times in my childhood living off food stamps, food drives, and groceries our neighbors would gift to us.

I drove myself to live with others so I would not be with my parents any longer, but they began using even harder drugs than they would before we lived together. They had also made me constantly feel like the odd man out. So, when the pandemic hit, and I was living paycheck to paycheck, I decided the best decision for myself and my family was to move back in with them.

Of course, this decision was largely spurred on by my girlfriend at the time and my father, who pleaded with me to leave that apartment. The pandemic in that sense was simply the catalyst. I think yes, returning to live with them was the smarter decision, but it certainly hasnt been an easy or enjoyable one. I have no space to myself, no door to my room and my mother works from home now since the virus 9-5 in the room that leads to mine.

And even in terms of space in my room it is horribly cramped. I accrued extra furniture while living on my own, and have no place to store it. Now there is a nice table in the garage most likely being slowly destroyed by the outside air and heavy equipment being slammed and scraped against it, and I have shelves under my desk, and tables behind tables simply so everything fits.

Some of the most striking contrast is my ability over the weekend to work out and be active while also doing things online. Even assuming I had the money to buy workout equipment I have absolutely no place to put it, and I also have no room to do any workout that requires only my body. Perhaps push ups or curls if I cleaned up the floor a bit more, but thats it. I could take it to the backyard, but then I would be stared at by neighbors, my family, and would have to dodge dog shit the entire time.

My floors are linoleum also, not wood, carpet, or even fake wood. The house used to be broken into 3 apartments long before we ever owned it, and I am in the attic that clearly used to be a kitchen (though no appliances remain, just the floors and the old shut off gas pipe). The walls are slanted steeply which greatly limits what furniture I can have positioned against the wall, and they have large spots of poor patchwork and spiderweb cracks all over. The paint around the old chimney is cracking and falling off too. The pieces land on my altar and the minifridge someone gave me for my birthday that was covered in black mold.

I really have done my best upon returning here to make it a place I can somewhat enjoy. I have most of the art I have purchased up and displayed, and I bought a tapestry with a design I quite enjoy which is hung up above my bed, and I have a room divider also to give me some illusion of privacy while my mother is working in the attic. It is hardly enough though. It made me feel nice for a bit, and I suppose it is better than not having it, but it wont keep the misery away.

I have read what I have for my daily ritual, but in its current state it does not do much. All I want is my own place, and my own space, and I certainly have cast innumerable spells to that ends. I am not sure whether my magick has failed me, or I have failed my magick, but in the years and years of time that I have been working for it it has failed completely to manifest. My only hope now is that I have correctly identified what I need to do to get to that point, and that I will be able to continue to work towards that without this air-of-depression eating too much of me away.

This whole house just makes me feel restricted. Restricted in what I can do, what I can be, and what I can enjoy. It makes me feel like a helpless child, unable to venture out on my own (despite having done so and proven to myself I can), I feel I have never had the space or time to really explore life or myself. There is no room here to stretch my wings, not physically in the space I inhabit (your very liable to hit your hands against the walls/ceiling or furniture), or emotionally. Even if this isnt necessarily the case, I constantly feel pressure from my family to conform to whatever vision of me they hold. I have been fighting this feeling for 24 years… I need space to develop myself.

Do I not deserve my own place? These are the thoughts I must now be most harsh against. Just because I was dealt a bad hand doesnt mean I cant have a straight by the river. I can not allow this pressure to push me to fold and wait again until the next hand. A good poker player can bluff his way into winning a pot with off suit 2 and 8. Why should I be any different?

I need to acknowledge how life has fucked me, but not let that also be an excuse to not find success. My parents were poor as shit and married because they had me, and growing up in those circumstances caused significant damage to me mentally and emotionally. My fathers alcoholism, the school systems total indifference, and lacking money has put me at a serious disadvantage. The economy now is terrible also, with wealth inequality at some of their highest levels ever in my country. With inflation growing, minimum wage not being enough to live on, and what seems to be like a growing housing bubble (again), certainly my current position is not entirely my fault.

I was hoping typing this would help me offload whatever I am feeling right now, and perhaps instill a bit of clarity into me, but none of that has been true. I must just keep pushing forward, heating the iron and beating it.

[NeoFightTheNyophite]

Perhaps my daily rituals are too non-specific in terms of their goals . For my nightly ritual, as I mentioned, ive fallen back pretty hard into lightworker techniques (though certainly not as far as something like a quantum configuration chamber). I typically dont go that route as it isnt my preference, but if it works it works. Maybe I need to put my distaste aside and work with what I know has been successful. Perhaps ill have a 5th and final verse eventually which checks off setting a specific goal and hitting the proper lightworker techniques. Those being making sure my energy extends everywhere primarily. I think the Declaration of Lawful Might should cover the free-will and Pleroma evoking part.

5 would also be a powerful number for the transformative nature I am looking for.

[Tekidor]

This is probably worth sharing, since I’ve been working on the dream stuff as well.

The thing that’s made the biggest difference for me, is dictating to the cosmos “where” I exist. Instead of telling all the good thing you want to come to you, across all the timelines and bodies etc, YOU let the universe know where it is that you exist in the first place. It helps all entities and all forces understand what the nexus point is, rather than all the forces you want having to come to you all in their own way with their own interfaces.

For me, I’ve been in love with this phrase.

“I command now of my soul, that it may be wilt by all forms and mediums attached to or considered apart of me (you can make that as specific as you want, I’m not sure how youd wanna word it) to reside under and within the House of (Agency)”

Under and within… that’s actually important there. What it means is that, as you sleep, you are sacrificing your own control over to the will of the “house”. Its an incredibly potent form of self sacrifice to me, and is somewhat reminiscent of falling into a state of loving prayer, only you’re supposed to be sleeping. Idk, it really feels right to me. The within part, dictates that you’re actually inside that sphere (House of Agent).
For me, I usually go with my Dragon friends. So, “House of Dragons, in the Domain of the Living Metal.” It’s good to switch up exactly where you’re “going” though if you’re not working with gods and just spirits, since it gives them a bit if a break for a few days. You mentioned wanting the number 5. I haven’t started doing this, but it’s my next experiment, to cycle through the 5 elements (earth wood fire water metal) with my respective elemental totem. Or maybe just dragons. They really seem to want to know how to help with the DreamWorks XD

But anyway, the thing that actually matters is letting all of They, Them, your godesses, and whoever else know exactly where it is that they can easily find access to your forms, timelines, etc. And, by “self sacrificing” your devine will into a “House”, you gain the benefit of having your own Devine will being managed “for you” in a different vantage point, whereas normally, you’d need to be conscious to really wield it properly, unless your nightmares are a result of your own godform wanting to torture its incarnated form, which would make no sense.

[NeoFightTheNyophite]

The question then becomes “Well where am I presiding?”, or maybe more precisely “what location that I am presiding in is most important for the working?”. I wonder if making that location my physical body could do something? Maybe in times where I need to be fully present, or I could be misunderstanding some.

I think if I ever decide to go that route, lust could be a powerful… lets say glue to hold everything together. That does seem to be a pretty base desire for that which is purely fleshy (the dog and the treat for instance). Even for humans we throw our self at near any and every pleasure we can find (even if we attempt to justify as being more than such).

I feel like now is not the time to take it that direction though. There are blockages and kinks still that need to be worked out before I attempt a full and total self invocation, which is what I believe placing my domain within my own body would do. Im curious also how that would play in with various potential immortality or extension of life concepts that are out there.

Is it possible for something timeless to become full in the flesh and thusly totally mortal also? If such a thing is a case, I would not want to engage with it, I have more work to do elsewhere after this. That may only be possible if you did some sort of a total binding however, which would not be my intent there.

So, implementing this in the present, I am not sure if I should invoke the house of my guides (the blue), or lean more into the system of They. I think I am leaning more with the They at the present moment. I will make the house and my center Eudomainia; which is the actual incarnation of They of Harmony. That is the principality, or “realm” of Harmony manifest, which may at times intersect with our collective existence. Discordian “Imminentize the eschaton”, is the basis of this. Eudomainia is the Eschaton realized, while Eudomain is just the Eschaton, Its the difference between the water you drink, and the concept of a “drink”.

[Tekidor]

You get it. The “where” can be anywhere, and it’s mostly metaphorical, since metaphors are the substance of the pure astral planes, and this is dreamtime magic after all. Space and time are quite malleable, and the “place” doesn’t even have to be from this reality. Eudomania sounds like an excellent choice. Working with They should be fine, and will no doubt lead to some new discoveries on what improvements can be made to that system. I’m really looking forward to that actually; we need a system that can help us pull “Them” (various theys lol) from any reality towards any point dictated by the user of the system. Basically a system which allows us to rather instantly set up a convergence nexus for whatever They we decide to pull from. (actually, I may have been building a few pieces for that, during last nights visit to the interdimensional cyberplanes)

lust
kinks that still need to be worked out

Yeah I bet there are XD

In all seriousness though, sex and lust dreaming is excellent if you can do it that way, since it drives home whatever you’re working on quite deeply into you. I’ve always had an enormous amount of difficulty accessing any sexual desire whatsoever in my dreamscapes, but that’s slowly coming to me. Blockages in my desires id guess, but yeah, it’s definitely something potent to consider later on.

Invoking your own House is indeed one facet of full Godform invokation. For me, that is the House of Lochistor. But, that does in fact require a bit of the Anam Bhramani (I am the dreamer) type of existence, at least on a level close to the surface of your consciousness, in order to draw as much power as possible from your own personal demiplane, which by default, comes pre-harmonized with your specific elemental types, balances, etc, as well as full control over all the consciousnesses that are servant to you. I’m still working on harmonizing my dominant and submissive aspects with that though. So, stay tuned for that unless you figure out how to do it. It’s kinda odd, being torn between the lust of a subby, servantine kobald and the goals of a monsterlike egocentric “LHP” dragon who’re both screaming to get out at the same damn time. I’m close to unifying them though; I can feel that much.

[NeoFightTheNyophite]

@Tekidor

we need a system that can help us pull “Them” (various theys lol) from any reality towards any point dictated by the user of the system. Basically a system which allows us to rather instantly set up a convergence nexus for whatever They we decide to pull from.

I think ideally, my map (the 6 pointed star) should suffice for that, but I am of course interested in what you find out also. The whole point of the map is to qualitatively show how energy interacts and moves from one polarity to another. That center point, the soul, is linked to all things, for from the soul we are linked to the larger collective human consciousness, and other various higher/lower level systems.

For instance, the “soul point” of the body could be traced to the entirety of you as a collective, and if one version of yourself is inhabiting a different plane, you could pull from that soul into yours. Or even, if you are able to connect strongly to a plane (which indeed we both may) you may pull from that soul to yours also. Perhaps not directly but it should still be possible. Understanding the steps in between could only help of course.

And since each thing has a point at one of the 6 elements I define, you could direct the energy of the plane to one of those elements, and then pull it down into where you need it through your own system. This would pass the energy through the “soul” of one of those elements, and then on to you, which would be a sort of transmutation using that particular element as a basis. For, so too do the elements have their own map, as each element has a bit of the others within them (even if it is small and vestigial). As an example, you could direct the energy from the plane into the planes point of Earth, and then from your own point of Earth draw it into yourself and direct from there.

To be honest this whole system is quite complex, though I think I have a strong intuitive understanding of it. I’ve struggled to record really any of this system besides the corresponding sigils and the layout to open gates, simply because I fail at the simple task of fully outlining what each of the elements represents, in both its Harmonic polarity and its Discordant polarity. I take for granted that I have some sort of base understanding of these elements, but if I am to record it I want a very thorough understanding.

I think my eventual end goal for this (albeit very “dreamy” of a goal (to keep on theme)) is to be able to develop this as a system for occultists to bring them closer to the nature of the realities around them (specifically the natural world and nature spirits), and for it also to be a system that will be able to be picked up by mundanes, though at a much lower level. I want to set it up for the magickian to be able to learn and explore, but for the mundane to be able to have set rules to follow that will bring the harmonic forces into their life.

All in all, with this knowledge I am Keeper Progenitor, which is the name I have dubbed myself as the founder but not final authority on the system (all though I do have full control at this infant stage, and will retain any veto rights should a full order emerge from this). At its core it is both Goddess worship, nature worship, and a force of preservation. I say worship because I think that, as They are the smallest forces that are both omnipresent and omnipotent, we have an obligation to make sure they are appeased. Not necessarily for any moral reason, but because They are the veritable aether of energy around us, and assuring they are happy will only reflect their powers favorably onto us.

After I get all the theory down correct comes wand building and shrine building, which are equally key here to the whole system. I don’t wish to speak of the wands publicly, but the shrines will be the physical medium in which energy from They should be cultivated, I think I’ve mentioned my talks with Amaterasu and the similarities to kami/shinto to you before. For the mundanes the shrines will unequivocally be dedicated to They of Harmony, as that is the safest and most important thing for ordinary people to worry about. They dont want complex theory, and difficult interactions, they just want to know that they are taking action to better their life and immediate surroundings. For magickians, or anyone in any order, shrines will have more of an explicit magickal purpose they wish to achieve, which I envision should focus on preservation of the natural world around us. These shrines may focus on any one of the modalities of They.

The Keepers shrine (which is the term for one who keeps a shrine for They), will focus on a specific, though still unnamed They. Most probably a They who presides and rules over the land (again the similarities with kami and shinto shrines). The Keeper will then make sure offerings and rituals are done to build a positive relationship with the They, at which point in time they may be used for magickal purposes. Whether petition, or direct energy work, I dont believe matters. This order, should it ever grow to exist, has the explicit purpose of befriending the natural spirits around us, and fostering positive interactions for all parties involved.

edit: I mentioned that this is Goddess worship, but that could perhaps be a bias. It is true it started out that way (and I do still call the complete map the ChaoSphere, and sometimes refer to both the point of infinity and point of void as Eris) the God is represented there also. While true this was birthed from wisdom and divine command from a Goddess, God is equally represented, if perhaps less understood by me.

Now I am beginning to think about all the similarities I see within this to other systems. That jumps out at me as a very positive sign. I never set out with this to create something new, only appropriately reimagine (or reinvent) old timeless wisdom, in a way that brings it closer to the burgeoning age around us. Really, future generations are my ultimate target here, I understand things like this dont often take hold when first birthed. Those at the forefront of thought are doomed to be overlooked in their own age. It takes time for ideas to fully evolve and ingratiate themselves into society.

[NeoFightTheNyophite]

I had some success today saying “fuck it” towards what I had for a daily ritual, and replacing it with something much closer to my nightly one. I even referred to it as the “waking dreaming”. Ill rewrite it in full and post it here when im a bit less tired.

It seems also that some of my past issues and dramas with Belial have been worked out. I was reading in another thread that he rules over Earth, and how too much Earth can lead to a rigidity that quickly shatters. Perhaps that was what was happening/ needed to happen. It certainly felt like the experience I had with him.

Either way, I worked with him in a positive sense today, I dont remember if I invoked him directly or he just came when I called my guides, but he helped me get through some work ive been procrastinating (which was the intention I felt). I noticed that his hands feel very rough and calloused, I thought it fitting for one who rules over Earth.

[NeoFightTheNyophite]

I would like to, real quickly, record some of the dreams I have had the past few days. I do not remember any of these very well, but I think I could benefit from having it saved somewhere.

3 nights ago I dreamt that I had gone back in time, and split the timeline into a new universe/reality. In that reality I was able to prevent my ex from suicide. I do not remember how I did any of this, just that when I woke up that thought was left burning in my mind.

2 nights ago, I was having a lot of dreams. The type that fluidly and smoothly transform into each other, so although they were all different to some degree, they were tied together by that weird dream-logic that defies normal explanation. I remember I was riding an invisible bicycle, with myself in a squatting position and my hands up high on the handlebars (the exact position I was in reminds me a bit of harley davidson motorcycles, with how the bars come up high… I dont believe my hands were quite that high though). Now, I have experienced all sorts of unique forms of locomotion in my dreams, but invisible bicycle is certainly a first. I was also performing all sorts of maneuvers that frankly seem a bit unrealistic for a bicycle.

It was around that time I noticed that huge portions of the population in the town I was in were zombies, and for whatever reason my invisible bike was no longer a part of my dream. It was as though there were two crowds, one that was a horde of zombies, and another that were a mass of still-humans (of course in all zombie dreams I have the zombies look exactly like normal people, not decaying or anything like that). These two groups were both splintered and fractured, and engaged in guerrilla skirmishes throughout the town.

I was close by humans and zombies, and the horde of zombies was approaching leaving me little area to move in. The humans seemed to be moving purposefully forward, as if they had somewhere to go, and I was left following them. As the zombies got closer I attempted to retreat closer to the center of the mass of humans, so I had more protection from a fight or an attack, but the people would not let it. I went to move in and everyone I tried to go past pushed me back out away from them. It was evident the people on the inside new just how much safer their position was, and no one was willing to sacrifice their own relative safety to let me in deeper.

Skip ahead a bit, and the humans reach a building standing on stilts of sorts, so the only entrance was as high as the second floor, with no stairs to reach it. Evidently there was something important inside, to both the humans and the zombies, as the humans needed to break in, and the zombies had boarded the doorways up with huge rectangular stone prisms. I got on someones shoulders, and I was up very high. From my vantage point I was able to reach the stone pillars, and to my surprise I was able to push on the stone and knock it over after just a few attempts, and also while the people I was with were fending off zombies.

People piled into the newly formed entrance of this grey-stone concrete building. It was square shaped, with an open doorway at the far left corner, which I knew gave entrance to a room that was mirrored in shape. From the doorway I could see a table with a skeletal ribcage sitting on it. From around the corner, past my line of sight, came an inhuman angry snarly. Something that certainly said “dont come here I will fuck you up”. The people I had entered with, once they heard it, promptly began leaving the building. No one was brave enough to turn the corner and see what lied within the unknown. I was not brave enough either. I feel I would have looked had people stayed with me, but seeing everyone else piled out I decided it was probably safest in a group.

Im not sure what any of this means, or how much it means even. I had been playing a game before bed that had zombies and skeletons in it, so that may have provided the theme. For that reason I am not sure how much importance I should put into the zombie/skeleton symbolism.

[NeoFightTheNyophite]

It feels so good to go on long winded rants and or diatribes. I just went off to youtube with its “send feedback” function. I wish I had more direction to write more.

[NeoFightTheNyophite]

Here is a little poem I wrote for the Goddess

The Recitation of the Creed of begging the Goddess, that is: Eris Discordia, Goddess of Chaos, for help

Infinigenarian Presidentess,
Who interminably remains ambivalent
Towards that rousing name, CHAOS;
Of whom hominids refer to as ERIS,
And I also refer to as:
“Eris Discordia, Goddess of Chaos”,
Where Discordia is the title
Conferred to Her, that is: The Goddess:
That is Eris Discordia, Goddess of Chaos,
By the Romans some long time prior,
Where Eris is the title
Conferred to Her, that is: The Goddess:
That is Eris Discordia, Goddess of Chaos,
By the Greeks some even longer time prior,
I implore you in the breadth of your narrow nuance,
That ideally, you recover your lost omnipotence,
And wield it to extradite the bitchy attitude
You have so masterfully woven into
Our auto-conscious experience,
And humor us by accepting this
Self-flagellating offering to your Eudomain,
That is my gift to you, Eris Discordia, Goddess of Chaos,
Which manifests in the form of
“The Recitation of the Creed
Of begging the Goddess, that is:
Eris Discordia, Goddess of Chaos, for help”,
That is: The recitation of
“The Recitation of the Creed
Of begging the Goddess, that is:
Eris Discordia, Goddess of Chaos, for help”.

Written by the frog formerly known as h4glaIV

[NeoFightTheNyophite]

I think I am coming to a point where I can finally begin to seriously document some of the knowledge I have accrued. Perhaps, though I may access it in my mind easily, it still has not fully been translated into English, and that is why I have struggled to produce much writing on it. Perhaps also not, it was just a stray thought.

I think also that I will document this publicly in a thread here. While the fantasy is I can develop everything and have it all ironed out before I release it to the world, I believe that is unrealistic. This knowledge is meant to be released to the public anyways, and having it in the open might be good motivation to keep at it.

@LVX111fer perhaps obvious at this point but I am unable to divulge the information you requested at this time. Simply put, my head is in another place right now, and I have enough on my plate as it is to be lumping that project on top of everything else. I hope the information I did share found you well, and what I speak about writing above can be seen as an extension of that, albeit one fairly removed from the atavistic source which I spoke with you about.

After all I do believe this knowledge to be timeless and eternal, this is just a much more “updated” and relevant version of the rudimentary ideas our ancestors were able to dream up in their burgeoning amphibious minds. The path between the two might not be a straight line, but everything seems to be that way doesnt it.

Im also not even sure if you still browse the forum.

In other news, my sleep schedule has changed drastically (or perhaps it has simply rolled over). I went from full on nocturnal to waking up between 4 and 6 am most days. Never before have I possessed such a sleep cycle. It is interesting, not sure how much I like it, but change is almost always preferable to stasis.

I have faltered a bit from my nightly rituals, and have hardly been doing my daily ones. I have been spared nightmares however. I think it stemmed from a night when I told my spirits I just needed a break, which caused it to completely slip from my mind for a while.

Actually, I take that back. I suppose I tried to forget it but I did have a particularly nasty one, which manifested in a (so far) completely unique manner. To put it bluntly, I was blindsided by it. I dont believe I ever could have anticipated it. It was the definition of “the scariest monster being yourself”, as within the dream I hurt someone else and was left to deal in the very vivid and real consequences of the action.

It was in no way something I would do in real life (i couldnt even pick up a battleaxe that big), but none the less I woke up feeling traumatized, and felt off the entire day. While not as bad as many ive faced, that reaction is precisely what I am trying to avoid.

[NeoFightTheNyophite]

I am eager also to begin construction on my wand, which is an integral part of the system I wish to develop. The time is not right however… Still, the idea has been resting in my mind for some time. I know the substance of what the wand is, and what it must accomplish, but the exact steps still allude me. I could practice by making wands that I know will ultimately be inferior, and it might be a good idea seeing as I have no experience in creating them, but I feel the final form will have something I am currently missing so it feels pointless.

Still, I am restless for it. I heard the command loudly a while back when I came across some skeletal remains of a deer on some train tracks. I was with a friend, and even he had a bad feeling about it. The presence of death was palpably in the air, I am not sure when I have felt a greater presence of the dead than that moment. We decided we would move it off the tracks and put it to rest. En route to our destination, carrying the bones on a walking stick my friend had, I heard the voice clearly. “Palo”, it said. “Stick”. “wand”, I understand it’s meaning well.

We went to a creek bed, and I found a pool maybe 6 inches deep, encircled by rocks; Some just under the surface and some peeking above. At the time it was a calm and relatively isolated spot, but I knew as the rain came the water would rise and the bones would be swept away. I picked some wild flowers and dropped them onto the pool also. Even the nameless deer deserves someone to remember it, and to sing its praise as it leaves this planet. It is my pleasure that I may fulfill such a task.

“Palo”, yes in time it shall be made. In no tradition but my own, with no guidance other than They. I think that will be a tipping point where my transition from old systems to this new one begins to move much more rapidly. To quote myself “You can keep nothing you arent prepared to have”. And as it were, I am not yet ready for my “Palo”.

[NeoFightTheNyophite]

I still struggle to find a way forward. So many words I want to write but so few I could articulate, so many things I want to do but so few I can make actionable. In some ways, this is a waking nightmare; stasis a word and a state of being I have tried so hard to avoid, but it has found me anyways. Is the truth that I am less worthy than others? I would be inclined to agree if I did not strive and work so hard to hold onto the scraps that I have. Yet still, I am positioned on this plateau, only so far off the ground, in the shadow of the mountain before me.

Yet it is the plains of the past of which I have ascended through to this plateau that are the most haunting. That sparse vegetation, and heavy air of the ground below refuses to leave me. I slept around 12 hours last night, and struggled to get up even then. No strength to move myself out of my bed and into this world that has treated me so cruelly. No strength to beat my head against the systems which have consumed me in a farce of upward movement. For so long I have seen no light at the end of this tunnel, no possible path to take me out of this plateau, and in truth sinking back down seems the most likely.

In times like this I am reminded of HP Lovecraft’s “Call of Cthulu”, in which mankind shall “[piece together dissociated knowledge and] open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.”. How I wish I had the luxury of either of these options. I also think of Peter J Carrol’s dislike for “mystics”, which he views as those unable to grasp the true chaotic nature of reality, and sweep away the truth with drugs or other methods of coping.

I just feel caught between two different worlds and people right now. The magickal abilities I have cultivated are undeniable, but so is the lack of material improvement in my life. So what if I may summon spirits before me, or invite them into my body, or curse or bless anyone, if I can not materially change my own life? The advice and conversation with spirits can only take someone so far, and I feel I have long since passed that limit.

And since my vaccination (and the terrible side effects I experienced) I see death everywhere. I understand most of this is in my head, but it is putting such an immense pressure on my psyche. It has awakened some deep struggle within me, that I havent seen in probably over a decade. In truth, I think I have developed now a bit of a phobia around vaccines, and months later still think I can feel my injection site on occasion. In truth it made me so sick I really believed I was going to die the night afterwards. My head was so cloudy I couldnt think straight and I had a 103f fever. I guess you could say that caused me to have a breakdown, and I felt nothing but bitterness and spite for a world which has emotionally mutilated me, and sought to take me out so early. That feeling has not left since, nor has the feeling of imminent extinguishment.

I dont even have the strength to do the things that I believe will assist in material improvement. Too much stress around me, I am struggling to keep my eyes OPEN let alone focused on a task. Too much suffering, too little care for me. Instead all my time is spent desperately trying to return to some sense of balance, of ease of mind. I want to see a doctor as I havent in years and it would probably take a lot of stress off my mind about death, but at the same time I cant keep away the feeling that if I AM incredibly close to death I would rather it just be sudden and not have to deal with a period of knowing it is about to come. Finding out I had months to live is not what I want, and would rather it be a surprise.

I forget who told me, perhaps Belial, but they said “Ignorance is bliss only for prey”, but if I cant manifest a fucking kind-of-comfortable (or at least not miserable) living conditions why would I bet on my ability to magick away a fucking terminal illness? Which again, I doubt I have, but this feeling of death has grasped me and will not let go. I was like this as a very young teen, and I have no idea what I did to get it off of me. Is this perhaps karma for wishing for death many, many times? I would feel bad for that if I didnt think my feelings were completely justified. I don’t want to die, not at all, the vaccine has proved that to me, but is death not a natural wish for those suffering with no way out?

I just want to improve my life. I came to magick for knowledge, and I have achieved my goals. I know all I could want to know, more than humans should know, and am comfortable in the things that are impossible for me to ever know. Am I now aspiring for power? Only the power to control myself and my immediate surroundings. It is unfair that I have never had a place that I could feel comfortable in, never had a place where I just felt safe. People love to say “life is unfair”, but that is such a bullshit statement. Life is very fair, it is the society and the structures WE have built that are unfair. I have never felt that life was unfair when stung by a bee, or with poison ivy, or a sickness, but I have felt people were unfair any time I speak with someone else, or try to share my opinion or my own personal struggles. My apologies I don’t post my misery on tick-tock, or that my sadness is not trendy or something that I want to advertise. I suppose that means, it just doesnt matter.

My life is ugly, it doesnt get me clout or attention like so many bullshitters online, nor will I ever allow myself to use it in such a way. My struggles arent something that get upvotes or support, I just get told to mutilate myself until I fit the structure others want for me.

I dont understand where this resistance to improvement comes from within me, if I did I would have a much easier time addressing it. I feel like I am fighting myself just trying to complete the bare minimum of what is required of me. I dont care about power over others, but why am I so powerless over myself? No amount of breaking down the problems, or making lists, or talking things out has helped me. No incantation, no evocation, no ritual has made a material improvement for me. It makes me doubt magick as a whole, which is INSANE considering the things that I have witnessed taking place.

I am not even aiming for happiness, in fact I accepted a long time ago that there probably isnt a single thing in this world that could really make me feel happy or content. I have accepted that I will just be depressed and largely unhappy for the rest of my life. I am okay with that, I am just trying to make myself less miserable. If I could just make a fraction of improvement I would be wildly happy with myself. But for years it has failed and I have come almost full circle to where I was before. Stuck, and feeling completely powerless, sucked of all my energy and impetus.

Is it truly my destiny to know only suffering until I am mercifully taken from this pile of shit we call our planet? I refuse to accept it, though I know it would probably be easier if I did.

And I didnt want this thread to turn into another set of rants, but I do love “screaming into the void” as I call it.

[NeoFightTheNyophite]

I can’t believe this thread has only been around for a month, I feel like I have been struggling with this for ages, not just a month. I guess the Triptych Eviscerating Winds never fully left, though I feel mentally I have left them behind already. It felt like I was breaking new ground, so why am I back in this nigh eternal slump?

This thread should be called “10,000 words and nothing learned”

[NeoFightTheNyophite]

I wonder why no one has drawn comparison between Eris and Melkor. Melkor, who sang the first discordant note.

[NeoFightTheNyophite]

I should be happy the Antagonist within me is obvious now. At least I no longer wonder why things have turned out this way, and why I handle things the way that I do. I should be happy it is no longer hidden, I must now find the strength to both keep it in my mind, and move forward in taking steps to destroy it. For although I now see it clearly, its ferocity is something to respect, and it is so frigid it seeks to freeze me from my goals. I must not become ice too it, or allow it to paralyze me as it does now.

I know that this is necessarily a slow process, but I must keep this flame lit, and melt it; Droplet by droplet of water to be soaked up by the Earth. It’s presence reminds me so keenly of why I felt better with it hidden, but I cannot remain ignorant before it. It is not a parasite, or a leech, it is something of my own creation, and something that was gifted to me by fate. The cruelness of the creation is almost laughable.

There is no line for me to walk here with my magick, this is a physical suffering which has bled over to the rest of my consciousness. It is my body and the most human aspects of my mind which need to be purified, not my spirit, and all my magick can do is help keep the light on and the flame lit; Keep me focused on the goal at hand. I feel alone, more alone than I have ever felt. The gates have been temporarily closed, until I may find myself again. I miss them, but no God, Goddess, or Demon holds the key to my success. Only I hold that key, and more minds will only over complicate things.

I had a horrible week. I failed myself in all manner of ways. It brought me back to a state of paralyzed isolation, but that state also made things very clear to me. I have never been so frightened in my entire life. Maybe in isolated incidents, but never in such a long and drawn out way. Alone, I must walk this path, but the first few steps are so difficult. I have a tendency not to deal with issues until they reach a breaking point of relative crisis, thats all I am trying to avoid right now.

[NeoFightTheNyophite]

It has been a difficult month, hence no updates here. Yesterday during a nap I was privileged enough to be taken to see something. Truly, words escape me when I try to explain just how it felt, and how profound the experience was.

In short, I was shown where we must go after our death. And down that long hall I walked many times. I was dead, and I felt content with everything. I had been there many times before, I knew that also; and there I will go again.

In time a Goddess, or a Psychopomp guided me through an invisible door, and into a small room. Contained within that room was what one may call the river Styx. Infinite waters… I could have floated on it forever, but still be within the small room, all of the waters were within my finite walls.

She was kind enough to tell me before we entered that she didnt think I would enjoy it much, but that I had to go. I felt some fear, and some sadness, but it was dull and muted. I knew I must go there, and so I did.

Against a wall in the room, on dry ground was a green skinned child in a striped shirt. He stood motionless and wordless. A boat appears and floats towards me. I ask the woman if I must get on and she tells me yes. For a moment I see myself on it, floating for eternity amidst the dim room and dark grey waters.

I reach for the boat, but it is wet and slips from my grasp floating further away. The boat bears resemblance to Baal-Anu, the one who taught me psychopompy and has guided me here on Earth. Instead, the child gets on. He begins to float away from land, wordless still.

Then, a great grey crocodile pierces the surface of the water and latches onto the boys leg with his mouth. I remember grabbing the child and trying to pull him away, but the dream transitions to something else.

Blessed am I to receive this vision, for dream is not an apt word to describe my experience. I do not want to go there again any time soon, but I am glad I was allowed to experience this. There was a sadness, a gloom, but mostly there was a calmness, an acceptance. An acceptance of nature and the systems we live in. It was dreary yes, and frightening at times, but infinitely peaceful.

I dont understand what all of it meant, but I have been granted a look into something most are only permitted to see post-mortem. I am anxious still in life, but it feels like somehow a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Like everything is a bit calmer and less complicated.