2023 was hard 2024 was harder but honestly a lot of my relationship life was hard. I went from one toxic partner to the next. I lost myself and my worth. I was consumed by a past partner and was made into something I was not.
There is a lot of A relationship trauma, a lot of sexual trauma. A lot of of me just not knowing myself as a Woman. Not embracing my likes my dislikes, my desires in my dreams. I am absolutely horrible Self sabotaging.
Fast forward to 2025 and I was getting ready to plan the February MFWB. While looking for The matron and patron of the group Lilith stepped forward to be one. But first, she wanted me to work with her to help me find myself again.
This journal is gonna document my experiences and becoming a woman I truly desire to be.
It’s only been a week and I am already seeing the changes in me…
There is already a faint glue of life in these eyes again.
This is my path with here and my personal gnosis. Feel free to join me on this path as I become the woman and partner I have always desire.
2025 gave me the prefect man so now I am becoming a better woman for him 
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Thank you so much! I really need it because I have no clue who I am anymore. But there is a lot of really really really deep shadow work which is probably why Belial showed up too for MFWB.
I am excited to up day as well go.
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I understand how you feel, it sucks not knowing who you are and I hope you can find yourself, heal what makes you feel bad and elevate your true self


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Thank you so much. It is going to be a long hard world but I am ready for this.
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This is from day 5 of 90 rituals to find myself.
There was something about tonight. I am finding I am starting to get my confidence back which is something indeed with hosting a podcast if I want it to be successful. I am also I am finding that I am
Loving parts in features of myself that I never did in the past.
There’s other changes too but I can’t really put ton them yet. I have this new excitement and eagerness in my life now. I am feel more myself, more free.
I can not wait to see where this path takes me and what I turn into.
There’s a picture from me yesterday after yesterdays ritual and before I taught a live lesson on Grimoire to some truly amazing ladies.
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I’m in a bit of a rush now but thanks for the healing ritual! It might have done something but I don’t want to
make connections.
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So glad & proud of you…!! I can.clearly see Lilith into your eyes… she also has helped me in the past healing from a very difficult break up.
She makes you reborn again and findin your dsrk devine femininity 

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Oh really? That makes me happy to hear I wonder what it will be like on day 90.
This was before I started working with her.
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I came across this after my ritual today and it hit me in my soul.
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So, I am half way through week two, and I have been drying rose petals on my altar to Lilith That I do my daily rituals with her at. I plan on doing using these in the future for workings that I need her help and guidance with.
Besides finding myself getting my esteem back and able to stand up for myself. I have also noticed my social medias I use for my businesses are getting more follows and likes and views than before.
I also noticed my events outside of BALG that I host are getting double the Amount of RSVPs and attendance thank before as well.
It’s is also away easier for me to cut out people that aren’t good from me from my life and not look back now. I feel like I just care less about those that don’t have the same well intentions that I do them.
Also, there may or may not be a 2nd EA Koetting episode on the podcast in February 
My hair is a mess but my eyes are super golden over the normal green today.
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Temporarily closing this journal as the OP is out for February.
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