Filled with HATE!


#1

I am just so filled with fucking HATE! I can not shake it. I know it is counter productive to my efforts but it consumes me. I think about hurting even the closet people to me. My gut fucking aches with rage. I know that even without any ritual there is a distinct possibility that my thoughts alone will manifest reality. Any and every emotion that I have will come fruition.

I am clouded with delusion and suspicion like a cancer to those around me. I try to take a positive mind state but my true self always wins. I am a predictor waiting for my next victim. Part of my does not care and part of me regrets my observations.

My uncontrollable hate is so powerful that the minute it enters my mind I can feel it birthing into this world. Lives are literally being destroyed yet my life is perfect. I have everything I can dream of but mostly these things are material. Doors open for me as if gifts from the gods. Its has always been this way for me. But nothing is free in this world or the next. I try to say fuck them all but my humanity is holding me back.

I think that everything is a balancing act. When I take something it must be paid back. Mostly through those who least deserve it. Has anyone else experienced this?


#2

How old are you and what’s the cause of so much hate? I had experienced that and it was caused by a person who drove me literally onto ruin


#3

I am 32 as of today. I don’t know what drives my hate. I have been a practitioner for 12 years and it has just been building. I can not explain it but it is there never the less. It has begun to consume me and is only counter balanced my material consumption. And my material consumption seems to consume everything around me.


#4

I’ve been there. It’s a big waste of energy and shows how easily controlled you are. By your emotions, people around, and the world in general. Your attention is being owned by emotions, things and people outside yourself. Perhaps you need to ritualize the release of this attachment/Karma, if you wish to move on from it.


#5

I concur.

I’ve been there as well. HATE is such an intoxicating emotion. For me, buried just underneath is an incredible amount of rage (has been for years). I’m still working on resolving it. The Arts, meditation, Yoga, and physical exercise has been my only salvation.

At times I’m no too concerned about “why”, I’m more concerned about addressing this powerful force. For me, from my life experience, I must first work on putting this particular “personal demon” back in its cage through the disciplines mentioned above. Then can I patiently observe “The Beast” and figure it out.

It’s exceptionally difficult to make any headway when all that you are is pure emotion.

Trust me…I know.

Personally I would start with a breath meditation discipline just to kinda set myself back to 0. Might I suggest Anapanasati? Depending on where you live there may even be a Theravada Buddhist Center or Monastery/local teacher.

If that is not the case:

http://www.watmetta.org/

Any and all info on Anapansati can be found here - Ajaan Lee Dhammadharo and Ajaan Fuang Jotiko.

If you are NOT down with Buddhist philosphy…that’s cool, however, these techniques DO WORK! No matter what your philosophy of life is…EVERYONE breathes!!!

Also:

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/thai/lee/inmind.html

Hope this can help my friend


#6

Thanks guys for all the positive feedback. I am sure this is something that everyone struggles with. Last night was just one of those times it felt overwhelming. Hate can be such a powerful motivation which is why I think often I have trouble letting it go.


#7

Heart chakra meditation works wonders, it helped me to cool down so much rage and after experiencing it opened, you’ll understand how powerful love is (much more or at least as much than hate).

The only thing it takes quite practice to open it


#8

Another aspect that might add to this, one could view the “model” that there are different frequencies of Energy, of which Emotion (as well as Mind) are made-of
(often Emotional-E, or Mental-ThoughtForm is viewed as the structure within this energy, but the focus being the sub-stance itself)… as one opens up/sensitizes, and activates-

imagine having a firehose that you have you hand tightly covering the opening, if the water isn’t on or is just trickling, not too bad even though it is distracting holding it like that, but if it suddenly turns-on very strongly… it un-‘expectedly floods’ the system…
as a metaphor (and largely literally example) not only disrupting “calm” but also activating/energizing… and just as pouring heaping fertilizer on a garden not only fertiliizes all (weeds as well as the chosen plants)… actually Weeds grow faster from fertilizer…

(emot snarls even more so, so as one is strengthened by these Emotional-Energy waves- especially if they are mostly out of awareness… there is not only a feeling of What The … ~out of no-where… and yet not, just blindsided.
mental snarls do the same (not ideas but the places where one has blindspots as well as “does not compute” clashes…

So not sure if that helps (imagine if you had a wire giving ‘slight’ but significant and irregular shocks… some systems recommend, try and relax, or even express, or cover it over with… but over time that Irritation will bleed into all of ones reactions/systems.

=====
(I had a neighbor that would play “music” -in quotes as all the songs seemed to be the same, what could be hard through the walls- a bit faster than 1 beat a second… boomboomboomboom… good for spacing out and triggering the alertness-center of the brain, thus Here&Now but via Fight/Flight via the Freeze (and a regular persistent, even headphones playing something else didn’t cover as in the places inbetween…) anyway I mention as it triggered a low level sustainted stress burn… which spiked when it began… accelerated by the association (and my territorial reflexes, etc.) … anyway, first recognizing how that Energy was entering and affecting me (and then ‘binding’)

all the first of this post, except that last, from the Taoist “water method”… which is about sense the quality of the energy-flows themselves Directly… not make them do something, not even Make them relax…

just recog how you are stirring your-self up (like grabbing a bottle of carbonated soda and shake it up- shake it up… open the bottle?
but the blowup isnt from opening the bottle, but as a result of the Affects from the Shaking.

< I was just thinking I'd not post for a while, but this topic is near to the system I've studied, so I hope this might make sense and contrib >

#9

I have a pentagram branded over my heart chakra. Do you thing this would make any difference? I know the power of love which is why I really want to change this area of my life.

[quote=“YogaApprentice, post:7, topic:1675”]Heart chakra meditation works wonders, it helped me to cool down so much rage and after experiencing it opened, you’ll understand how powerful love is (much more or at least as much than hate).

The only thing it takes quite practice to open it[/quote]


#10

Don’t think the pentagram has anything to do with it, I have an inverse Irish pentagram tattooed over my heart and have never had an issue. Everyone kind of gets to a point of hatred, mine was called divorce; I was cool with child support, but alimony sent me over the edge. I did something similar to what UndeadGod333 suggested, write your own ritual and make it as detailed and elaborate and personal as you can, works wonders. Call it a ritual douche if you will: after you will feel cleaner and fresher, with less funk bringing you down.


#11

[quote=“YogaApprentice, post:7, topic:1675”]Heart chakra meditation works wonders, it helped me to cool down so much rage and after experiencing it opened, you’ll understand how powerful love is (much more or at least as much than hate).

The only thing it takes quite practice to open it[/quote]
Do you have any specific meditation method to propose?


#12

Actually, the pentagram has a lot to do with it, especially if it’s over your heart. It acts as a portal. And the pentagram is known to be the sigil of Baphomet, but of Satan as well. You can actually summon Satan using the inverted pentagram. Satan is the Adversary. His energy is that of begin against everything. My advice to you is remove the pentagram and purify your heart chakra. Raise the vibrational frequency of that chakra and transform the hate in pure energy.


#13

Who said being against everything was a bad thing, doesn’t mean you have to be full of hate… If tattoos are a problem I’m going to have to get quite a few removed: got the inverted pentagram on my chest, 666 on both wrists, three intertwined pythons going up my spine making a trident, an MC logo on my leg, an IRA symbol on my arm. Almost done with the Dimebag Darrell half sleeve, I should at least be able to keep that one I hope…


#14

[quote=“YogaApprentice, post:7, topic:1675”]Heart chakra meditation works wonders, it helped me to cool down so much rage and after experiencing it opened, you’ll understand how powerful love is (much more or at least as much than hate).

The only thing it takes quite practice to open it[/quote]

I fully agree on opening the heart chakra.

I have managed to release a lot of my hate through daily practice of Kundalini Yoga (as taught by Yogi Bhajan), it is a very powerful and empowering journey. I can really breathe out my old hate through the breath of fire and extended/long kriyas.

I have also started on some of the material by Drunvalo in regards to opening the heart, experiencing love and activating one’s Merkaba.


#15

I don’t know my man…perhaps you are correct.

OR

Perhaps power only exists in the things that we give our power to?


#16

[quote=“Mode_439, post:15, topic:1675”]I don’t know my man…perhaps you are correct.

OR

Perhaps power only exists in the things that we give our power to?[/quote]

Not really. We are influenced non-stop by external things. A good example is subliminal messaging. I’ve been practicing hypnosis (overt and covert) for a couple of years and, with absolutely no doubt, I can tell you this: if you don’t perceive something it doesn’t mean it has no effect on you.

And it’s only obvious that the pentagram acts as a portal. Every sigil does. It’s the subtle energy represented by the lines that matters. If you don’t mind it, it doesn’t mean it’s not there.


#17

Perhaps his heart chakra cannot handle the energy? Perhaps it’s been overloaded with the energy emanating from the portal?


#18

Perhaps his heart chakra cannot handle the energy? Perhaps it’s been overloaded with the energy emanating from the portal?[/quote]
I’ll buy that as a possibility.


#19

@PHORBABOR I don’t think the inverted pentagram is related with so much hate, Satan is a freedom figure but you feel enslaved to that feeling (going over and over and over it each time and self-consuming) wich is what used to happen to me. Plus, the pentagram is not satanic, nor kabbalistic, etc. the associations came later. I build that feeling of hate over years in a loveless home, and I used to train on it daily, so I got used to feel it as “normal”, yet I’m sure if I’d grown up in a lovely home, things would be the reverse. The lesson I keep to myself for this life is “True Love” (and I mean the spiritual one, not the romances stories’s or the puppy love) is precious as a diamond and it costs the same, but it’s reachable to anyone looking for it as it’s inside of everyone of us

@Nereid I use mantra meditation, taken from Jewish Meditation from Aryeh Kaplan. Basically you adopt a posture to maintain around 60 mins (less time at beginning till you get comfortable and used to meditate, I say 60 mins because it’s what I need to, others might need much less time)

I sit in a chair with my straight back, and hands on thigs, just like the NAP Ritual posture), then I close my eyes and start repeating some word (usually a god/goddess name, spirit, devil or classic mantram. Lately using the name Azazel as I’ve read around he is a spiritual teacher and can improve psychic development, it’s true, although I’m advancing slow, I’m on holydays hehehe)

Then I start repeating over and over and over all the time that word, and centering my thoughts on my chest/solar plexus, and I start feeling tickles on that area around 20 mins and a shift on my consciousness (trance), the more time I center on that area, the more usual become the tickles. When I feel it’s become active I try to add some visualization, last time I was able to open it I centered myself on a “golden sphere” around my chest area, and “inside that sphere” the Sigel rune.

When it finally opens you feel kind of orgasm throughout all your body/head, plus a profound calm, no hate and an immense equilibrium and happiness. It’s like an orgasm, but even better (and cleaner)


#20

[quote=“cloud9, post:14, topic:1675”][quote=“YogaApprentice, post:7, topic:1675”]Heart chakra meditation works wonders, it helped me to cool down so much rage and after experiencing it opened, you’ll understand how powerful love is (much more or at least as much than hate).

The only thing it takes quite practice to open it[/quote]

I fully agree on opening the heart chakra.

I have managed to release a lot of my hate through daily practice of Kundalini Yoga (as taught by Yogi Bhajan), it is a very powerful and empowering journey. I can really breathe out my old hate through the breath of fire and extended/long kriyas.[/quote]

Ditto. Yogi Bhajan’s exercises really get results. Stop or slow down when you’re experiencing chest pains like I did in the beginning. My problem was/is not only anger but also a lot of grief.

I’m currently trying EFT and getting some results with that. After a session you may feel flu-like for a few hours though. I get a raw throath, probably because my vishuddha chakra is one of my weaker points