So, I have been working on my fears that’s been limiting me from a full life. Since working with Belial, my take on fears have changed.
Initially, I was working on becoming a fearless person by removing them. It was working out great to a point, but there was something out of place about that approach. Because even without actually feeling great amount of fear, I found myself still avoiding situations like a habit.
I was dumbfounded at this new revelation. Then a few days ago, I woke up at 3am in the morning and a thought hit me out of nowhere. Even with little to no fear, to change a lifetime habit of avoiding situations, it takes courage.
So, I imagined the feelings of fear in a scary situation this time instead of imagining not feeling it, and really embodied it. The closest metaphor came to my mind is when Hulk took on the power of the infinity stones in the Endgame.
To my amazement, the feeling wasn’t that bad. It was more of excitement mixed with something similar to sexual arousal. And the feeling of aliveness was awesome.
Now, I feel natural about fear, anger and similar emotions, and don’t feel despair to get rid of them. It feels like self-assurance and knowing that I have the strength to take them.
I would have never in a million years have thought and felt that way before started working with Belial.
I gotta give credit to Haagenti as well, as I stopped doubting myself since the ritual with him. Cimeries encouraged me to even sit in a room alone and evoked him when I was shit scared because I usually do it outdoor.
I now totally have a different view on Demons of Goetia.