So, I’ve been falling down this rabbit hole for a while now…
Knowingly and of my own free will, of course.
I feel like I have reached a sort of impasse… I feel like I’m at the calm and quiet center of the eye of a storm, in a circular chamber that branches off in infinite directions from its center, like the symbol for chaos. I know it is because of my indecision. But knowing that doesn’t seem to help. I constantly feel like every decision right now is HEAVY, and no matter how seemingly important or insignificant the choices may see, it really does feel like from this point, anything I do can either tip me onto the perfect path to my own personal heaven on earth, or crush my further, and send me deeper into blackness.
Do any of you experience this really intensely? I hate to admit any sort of weakness right now, but it is making everything very very difficult for me. Choices/Decisions, and just going about my daily routine… I sometimes choose to do absolutely nothing, and that is definitely not the right thing to do.
Basically, it boils down to a dilemma I have been experiencing within myself when it comes to living my life either according to my free will, and my experiences, and gathered knowledge, and balancing/living the life created for the herd of sheep that roam this Earth. By that, I mean “Society”, and this wretched system people endlessly reenforce by choosing to live within its laws, rather than rise above it… and blah blah blah.
When you experience and feel on such an intense level… a level that which if you tried to explain it to anyone walking down the street you’d be labeled as absolutely insane and ridiculed for it… The world and the sheep and their system and their laws all seem fucking meaningless, am I right?
I feel like the right choice is to jump off the edge of this metaphorical cliff, just outside the eye of the storm, and live my life according to my will, and fully immerse myself in the left-hand path completely and absolutely.
There is so much of my old life I am having a hard time letting go of. And people that I’m not ready to just abandon yet… But I feel like I have to. To jump into the unknown and chaotic beyond. Magick has been pouring itself into my world more and more each day, practically screaming for me to ACCEPT MY PATH COMPLETELY…
Honestly, I seek some counsel, advice, anything. Do you all feel this way all the time, too?