I lost a very dear friend to suicide two years ago. We were friends from our early teens until his death(early 30’s). He shot himself.
In my dream last night, he and I were in what seemed like a cellar. He was lying against the wall, holding a gun to his head, crying, contemplating suicide.
I was kneeling in front of him, trying to talk him out of it. To my right, there was a troll-like creature speaking over me, encouraging him to pull the trigger. I yelled, begged, told him he was loved, but he was inconsolable. He pulled the trigger. It didn’t work the first time, so he did it again and again and again. When that traumatizing loop was finally over, the troll-creature looked up at me and said, “Now you.” Then I woke up.
My friend and I were close for many reasons, but our bond was solid because we could be brutally honest with each other. We both have battled depression and suicidal thoughts. We battled them together early in our teens, and we were almost always together. When we felt weak, we reached out to the other. I spoke with him a month before he died, but I got a new phone and deleted my facebook after our last conversation, and I didn’t think to exchange numbers with him or anyone else. Then he was gone.
I know he would have reached out to me had I not deleted Facebook or if I had thought to give him my fucking number. That was our thing, keeping the other going. Listening.
That dream has traumatized me for many reasons. Seeing the pain in his face, him crying. Watching it happen over and over. It’s given me guilt that I hadn’t even considered having before. It just occurred to me that I didn’t think of getting his or anyone else’s number before deleting facebook(messenger was life, i rarely texted before deleting fb) and I know he would have called or messaged me had he been able to. It’s hard to break a (nearly) two decade habit.
How do I contact him?
In your opinion, was this his way of telling me he’s still suffering?
I am open to any and all ideas about contacting him. I need to know if he’s okay. I want to tell him I miss him.
I would suggest making a new facebook and get in touch with him.
The thing about dreams is that they aren’t always meant to be take literally. While there is imagery of a suicide attempt, there could be a more abstract meaning behind it. Maybe you just miss your friend. Maybe there’s something in your personal life you need to let go of.
The dream seems to be reflective of some guilt you may be feeling. It’s not your fault that he died. You can keep tormenting yourself with the what ifs, replaying the scenario over and over again but it won’t change what happened. Your friend wouldn’t want you beating yourself up over a decision he made. Fighting suicidal thoughts is a struggle, a monster that wont quit. Just try to find solace in the fact that your friend isn’t suffering anymore. He’s at peace now and you should try to be too. I don’t know how your contact him but I’m sure others here might know a few ways.
Hiya OP! I’m sorry about your loss. So, IME, dreams are how people understand the essential reality of a given topic, they tunnel through and around the debilitating aspects of the conscious mind.
It’s a hard question to ask, but if you can verify the method by which your friend died, this might add a few whole dimensions to your dream. If it is, you might have a bigger problem than your pal being gone- that troll-like creature might have dragged you there to make a point. The feel I get off of this instance is that it was more OBE than fantasy, and a cold, ‘just’ anger being directed at you, if not you and your friend. It’s a very specific sensation, so take it for what you will, but i can sort of smell that this isn’t an illusion.
If it isn’t how your pal went, as hard a sentence as this is to read, you may have interpreted what was left of his emotional output. Time isn’t linear, and a distressed mind is a jumbled mind, so if he was feeling torn between an ‘angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other’ about the decision until or during the end, it’s very likely that those connected to him would receive that kind of signal to be interpreted by their energies.
Contacting him is possible, but what you get really depends on what kind of post-Mortem him you’re trying to get in touch with. The difference is pretty distinct even in method. For instance, are you trying to talk to his shade, the remnants of his personality? Are you trying to communicate directly with his soul? What about the life he reincarnated into? I can better assist you if you clarify what part or instance of him you’d like to connect to.
I recognize that you might’ve felt a tremendous guilt fall over you after that incident.
I think that is how your conscious perceived it to be, a troll tormenting you and your friend. You two seemed to have been able to fight it together the troll maybe symbolizing the weight of all of those thoughts.
I agree he is not battling these thoughts anymore. He would want you to fight the good fight and defeat this monster that has been plaguing you since your teens.
If you want to contact him I would listen to @Qayos he knows more on that than me. Sorry for your loss friend and I wish you the best.
Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. @Qayos, I sent you a PM with more details.
The overwhelming “feeling” of the dream was that it was him in his last moments, but the almost unending loop of watching him cry, then pull the trigger gave me a feeling that he’s stuck in that moment. I hope that was just my interpretation, and not the truth.
I hope that he has found peace. I called on him to visit me last night in my dreams, but he didn’t. I have no experience in contacting the dead. I limited my occult studies to the Goetia and Thoth tarot so I didn’t get overwhelmed. I guess it’s time to learn new things.
…yeah, I don’t think that’s going to work unless there’s a new FB app for mediums that I’m unaware of.
OP, I’m not going to discount the possibility that your friend is reaching out to you from beyond the veil, but IMO this sounds more like what Robert Bruce calls false core images, which are extremely psychologically disturbing thoughts and scenes that are implanted into dreams in order to produce an intensely negative emotional reaction. His book The Practical Psychic Self-Defense Handbook goes into it in more detail but this article covers the basics of the phenomenon and some simple techniques to fix the problem.
So, what works better these days for contacting dead people? Facebook or a Ouja board? If someone died before facebook existed should you use facebook to contact them? Also should you use facebook to contact them if they hated facebook before they died and refused to make an account?
I’m sorry to hear. Suicide is devastating. They will literally run through your veins and turn it into ice cold with guilt and sadness if it affects you. I lost a high school friend last year. Handsome bloke, babe of a misses— but something didn’t sit right with him and he hung himself. He appeared in my dreams later, before his funeral, he looked happy and we were just out and about in town and it was good he seemed content.
I’ve realised dreams are taken quite literally here, I understand why, they’re connected to the soul— but sometimes some dreams are nothing but residual subconscious junk that comes out when certain parts of the brain is active during sleep. You can call out to him, but I’ve never done it before— sucide renders the soul for more physical incarnations to learn from or have them stuck there in some kind of limbo. I don’t know, I don’t have the answers, only opinions.
It’s sad, may he rest well and it’s probably more effective to shine light, vitality and love through his way with astral/meditation work so you can make sure he’s in good hands wherever he is. Hope you are doing okay.
