Please Note: If anything seems off about this post today, I did not get hit on the head by a falling anvil. Just bear with me. I am not alone in typing this post but the source well, he likes to create challenges and fancies himself a bit of a puzzle maker. After I spoke with a few people on some recent issues they have been experiencing, a certain spirit decided to step in with this response. And no, it’s not King Paimon.
I have been treated so poorly by people I trusted over the years that I have learned to become void of all emotion. I am able to laugh and enjoy the little things in life but with other people, I have no emotion toward them until they do something to cause a reaction in me like angry or happiness, but until then, I approach everything with an “I don’t care either way” attitude.
Why? Because I really don’t care at this point. I am so sure of my abilities that I know things are going to work out in my favor in some way, so there is no reason to become preoccupied with how I feel about doing a ritual or how I will feel if it fails to work, because I have no thoughts of failure. Read on first, before you start calling me a stuck-up bitch, there is a ulterior motive here.
So at this point in my life, the only thing that sways me is other people. Which is why I have trained myself to approach everyone with a mutual show of emotion and attitude. When people look at my face, they are always confused because they cannot tell what emotions I am really experiencing and when they try to guess, their answers are always wrong. I guess you could call me a chameleon with my emotions.
I have no reasons to doubt my abilities because the more I delve deeper into my magickal path, the more evident it becomes that what I am experiencing is real. I have long surpassed the days of counter productive thinking, wondering “IF” this will work. To me, there is no IF anymore, there just “IS”. You may be thinking to yourself right now, okay is she being vain? Again no, It’s one thing to be vain but It’s another thing to be sure of your abilities to the point that you stop doubting yourself. So in this sense, there is a huge difference between being a vain self-righteous bimbo, and simply being self-confident.
It took me some serious tweaking to the hard wiring in my brain to become this way, make no mistake about that. It did not come naturally to me or come over night. I literally had to work my ass off for quite a few years to reach the current level of calmness and self-confidence I now have. I have been down to the deepest pits of despair and to the highest of highs, with no middle ground that seemed reachable to me, it was always one or the other for me like my mind was telling me “sorry no improvising, choose one and only one!” So I had to outright battle with myself to overcome a lot of my emotional problems but once I tackled those, I found my magickal issues I was having seemed to vanish along with my emotional problems.
So do not think for even a moment that my life has been all rainbows and purple glittery unicorns on clouds made of Lucky Charm’s cereal. I could write a novel on the hardships I have faced, so I share this heartfelt post with you for good reasons. No selfish motives behind it.
Magick is strongly linked to emotion more so than most of us would care to admit. We’d rather blame our failures on a demon failing to keep his promise or give up all together and say magick is not real and I have been tricked like a fool but in reality, the number one reason we face so many problems and challenges with magick well, the key to that answer lies directly behind the eyes of the magician. So here are a few quotes I shall part with.
“The eyes are the windows to the soul”
“your thoughts are like weapons”
Take these quotes and meditate on them for a while. Some of you will understand exactly what I mean by this while others may need to do some inner soul searching to get to the core of real implication at hand here. But it’s something important that needs to be addressed and it relates to the previous post I made about the law of reversed effort.
Everything I posted about here today is actually in some way directly linked to a handful of my last several posts, like a series of hints that could end up helping some but I was only instructed to post this here and let “You make what you make of it”. Sorry if confusing or if annoying, but if you get anything out of this post at all, then you will understand it’s something that needs to be discovered for the self, like a magickal obstacle of sorts that every true magician must overcome.
Thoughts on this?