Im at rock bottom. Ive gone through a break up but something is amiss why this is going on and intensity Im feeling that hasnt left since.
He was an occultist too and we shared a deep connection. His other friends did not approve of me btw. Im going crazy after him and since he left its brought up all past traumas in me like a whirlwind and nervous breakdown (aside the expected loss and heartache from a connection). Im thinking he or his girl friend has done some magic on me maybe. I learnt alot of magic with him (but still dont feel as good as him in certain areas) and also became close with him in ways I have with no other and the sudden loss amidst my life problems hasdropped on me like a ton of bricks tooā¦ waking up with night terrors and feelings of guilt and dispair. I dont have support around me either or a tustful person to talk too about thisā¦ so I ask my fellow magicans hereā¦
When I was with him the spirits I connected to said he was not for me but I wondered why if I felt I manifested a tutor in magic and the first human I experienced could weild energy in a strong way and I was able to percieve etc made me feel as if we had some soul/energetic connection
He was like hidden magic somewhat that was being shared with me. He didnt seem to get along with the entities I vibed with and he almost convinced me to ābe carefulā of working with demonsā¦ by the by I was in a situation where I was in conflict between him and them at times and Ive never been in a piggy in the middle situation like this before. Although I always respect spirit first but for some reason I love him profoundly and to an extent brought into my life joy in areas I never had before, yet for some reason the feelings inadiquacy of all my life baggage and traumas and lack of confidance he could not settle for that and almost wanted to force help me out of it which I felt at times triggered me and got overbearing as he was being at times dickishly āharshly honestā which I did try to grasp his point of view even I couldnt swallow it, and couldnt always sympatise from my point of view, and even with the changes I did do apparently I wasnt trying hard enough.
He also said things, that caused me to question and the need to understand what he meant by āfear of commitmentā and ā fear of saying the āloveā wordā etc kept me constantly negging if he truely loved me or was just having an ego boost on me, or was this genuinely his insecurities, sometimes I was convinced one way and then another ā¦ although like 70% of the relationship was bliss, we went to different parks and forests, and nature spots and did magic practice there, and intuitely find special spots, and shared kisses and moments etc among meals and visiting spirtual markets etcā¦ yet he seemed to have some sort of emotional distraction in his behaviour at times. But if we invested talking daily and meeting almost weekly how can he just dump me like a ton of bricks just because I challenged the connectionā¦ why didnt I internalise his answers then that he said he did like me and did except me as his girlfriend and we were datingā¦ I guess because I felt I had to pull it out of him every time I brought up the dissagreement and only then would he breadcrumb me things I wanted to hearā¦ his insecure way of doing things made me question, and felt the need to keep pushing, and starting to doubt he could sympatise with my past traumas and just wanted me to change and believed I didnt want to help myself? I tried, it hurt that I work on my self with slow and no big enough results for the one I loved to see. I guess people dont know how hard it is to remove yourself from inner traumas, way more harder than removing habits etc. Yet he wasnt willing to change in any way for me. At the brakup he said āhe cant help meā (like just being there for someone you love would be enough, I didnt ask him to āhelp meā), and that he didnt know what he was doing when he got together with me (ouch), (like yeah him getting starry eyed for me in the beggining, he didnt know what he was doing lol) and also when I told him how much his kiss deeply meant to me and no other could replace, he said, youll find another to kiss youā¦ as if it was suddenly a thow away object, and love meant nothingā¦ he tends to be more calculated and stubbornly logical generally and not in touch with his emotions alot of the time, where I generally am. Yeah, sure, he is abit of a master of mind and meditationā¦ I did feel as if I gave him my all at the time and I would of been sincerely would of been there for him whatever, he had a true loyal friend in me, and only if I felt he showed me abit more respect, so I dont know how he can say āI only loved him as a crushā when we broke up, etcā¦ yet I saw the love in his eyes and words in the beggining and I opened my love trust self improvement and investment in him yet, if I become abit too much of a challenge Im dumped like a ton of bricks. Either way, Ive gone into no contact and havnt heard from him in like 16 days so I guess his rigious ego is so big he doesnt need me and my hopes of reconciliation and communication is dwindling.
By the way thought to mention also he was once part of an order, which intuiged me too ā¦
Also ever since hes left through grief I feel even too weak to perform or even concentated on magic and my life energy drained (moreso than just becsuse of any greif or just heartbreak) what the hec is wrong with me? I wish I knew my own worth my path and was a more better and powerful magician .
Any intuitive reading, message from spirit, what to do for protection, repair this love, or remove the potential directed binding that might have been done etc, because at this point in time anything would be greatful and helpful. Thank you ā„
God, (I mean Satan 
) this is way too long a post 
Yep, way too long. However - you could do whatever you want and feel like from this situation and it depends only on yourself. As you said your target is ocultist but he doesnāt work with demons - so youāre one step ahead of him. First work on yourself and get rid of the pain from the break up, then do whatever you feel like. If you still want him back - break them up and reconcile. If not - go on. Just first take care of yourself with the help of the entities you work with. Good luck.
Lucifer to help you stop falling
Opfaal to release you from any pain, despair and obsession caused by him
Vine to build walls of protection around you
Then - whatever you want to happen further. You just have to act from the position of strenght, not being weak and hysterical.
16 days? try a year with my situation. And mine isnāt even romance but friendship soulmate. Guess that donāt matter. Each person has special interactions in their own way. I say Let the emotions settle down before you can gather your thoughts to make informed decision on what to do next. Look within your soul. Donāt react but choose to act after you are grounded to know your true self.
He bound you to him. Straight answer when you two were in the woods. You need to break the binding.
He has you on a tight one. Thatās why his ego is there because he bonded himself to you in several ways. Magickally.
Dont feel bad about writing a long post. But I read everything it gave me great insight to your situation
I do feel binded. What is the best way to unbind myself. Thanks.
A binding spell smh I know how you feel furfur reached out to a friend of mine and told her to tell me Iām investing too much time in my fiancee and to get back on track cause he missed meā¦I miss him alot too he pulled that be careful bull shit card too
But now Iām back doing what I want
However in your situation you canāt so easily break this without help Iām so sorry he did this to you it seems like you may not be the only one he has done this to but best bet ask one of your spirits for help breaking it and if you want revange if I were you Iād take it
There are several ways to unbind yourself. I have a few unbinding methods. I could tell you in PM or here. Itās up to you.
P.m. me please. Thanks.
I think he did other things than just binding too in the forests etc. Trust me I have never come across someone willing to show and share with me their magic before, I was able to percieve some of his gnosis energies in such a strong way, which I have not with others (man he was good at that). My head and flashbacks keep going to the places in the woods too.
Yeah, I think he might of done it to others too.
So what was it that made him dump me? (Something I wasnt going along properly to all his plan to be his sidekick or something?) There was something amiss. I guess I shouldnt really mess with magicians unless Im confidant in my own abilities enough. But I thought he was a friend and I was so eager to learn, as I never feel good enough being solitary and not being thouroughly learned like everyone else. But me personally I think I have untappaped ability that if only I knew how to exerciseā¦
Should I go back to some of the places, and call on the spirits my own freestyle way and ask them to remove it too? Or best not to go thereā¦ but Ive recently had a feel to do so.
There was this once he did this ritual where he didnt want me to partake just watch (I was quite upset about that) for his new start for the future for his new transtion (changing job and location) (and I was part of it he said, to calm me Im guessing because I was upset about it) eventhough I explained all I wanted to do was add my blessings to his transition and he didnt want me to partake and wanted me just to sit in the centreā¦ and another just to stand behind him while he didā¦ I did sense he might be doing something to me too that once, like banishing me or something, and I did make a mental note from the day before to take note and on the day of that specific time not to take in any energy if anything was off. ā¦ (Yeah Im abit of an empath)
But it was other āspecial moments togetherā (and his kiss) etc when we went to parks and woods (not all I can recall because there were many) that are haunting me and keeping me bound too and haunting me.
Like if he dumped me he should at least have the decency to unbind me lol. Im abit scared to send anything to him because Im scared he might pick up on it and I dont want a magical war ha. And things like removing negative energy with an egg for example etc, if he knows and taught me all these tecniques and does star ruby himself regularly etc, will it work to protect me from him if he does and is familiar himself with all these tecniques of banishing and protection (hes big on that). He was like āthe teacherā and I was the āstudentā right from the beggining anywayā¦ I didnt finish learning 
I also feel he kinda shrouded himself from me now energetically so I cant connect in to see what heās doing, aside making me feel bound, to not to do anything counter him, and generally left me feeling crazy. And my body feeling like full of electricity at times. Anyways I hope Im not digressing again but thanks for understanding.