Hey All,

I’ve fallen into the rabbit hole that banes all magicians: Self Doubt.

This doubt doesn’t stem from the reality of magick and the reflection of it within this world that we use to change it. Hell, I just made a post about something dicking with me. I know this is all real.

My self doubt stems from within. In my own abilities. My spiritual vision seems to have been getting worse and worse as of late and it is exceedingly disheartening to me.

I wish to strive in all I do. I am willing to do anything for this and to master my abilities and magick.

Either way, sorry for being bitchy.

Anyone have any suggestions for me?

Thank you for your time, BALG family.



I would recommend meditating on your candle of blackened fire. Making use of the litany of the black sun with the intent of purifying all that hinders your ascent. Possibly make a sigil using the the pahlavi script in the prayers of arezura text.


Thank you ever so kindly. Both this reply and the one in my other thread actually made things click a bit in my head.

These, in conjunction with the rune reading @C.Kendall gave me earlier, it makes me believe I’ve roused some stuff to begin working against me.


Making use of the defensive aspect of the blackened of zohak will help if thats the case. Also the calling the divs exercise will help if anything is tryin to mess with you energetically, if you cant get a hooded robe or cloak for the exercise you can you a black hoodie.


I remember aeshma told me emanating the rays of the black sun by bringing in the div of wrath, will render any attacks on you futile.

Don’t forget becoming the black sun and the Asanas is a big part of strengthening and developing the inner blackened fire.

In return your defence would be almost ten fold.


Relax. Magick comes naturally there is a thing e.a talks about called “dropping mind” where you visualize a creek and all your thoughts pour into the water getting taken away from you till your mind is quiet. Then pay attention to thd sudden thoughts that race in and out of your head like light ing quick these are the impressions spirits give us. Hooe this helps


I do a few exercises that do that with a different visual. Unfortunately, I struggle to even rouse those kinds of visions.

Perhaps try looking at a candle then close your eyes and focus on the “flame shadow you see in the darkness” when your eyes are closed this will help with that

1 Like

Peering into drugaskan is pretty potent

1 Like

I’ve been trying that as much as I can. Hard not to be disturbed currently, but the last time I did it I got the best results I have so far.

Headphones and music help immensely if there are alot of outside distractions

1 Like

Yeah! That’s right! Self-doubt! The bane of all Magicians. So get over it and continue. If you know it doesn’t work at least there’s no lust for result! When I was in a rhp Magickal Order I was known as Doubting Thomas.

Try Sigils and sigilization. Take up chanting.



Mind if I ask for clarification?

Try new techniques and systems, So you can keep moving ahead in your magical journey. I myself have struggled with this from time to time, best way to deal with a block is by creating movement in a different direction.


I just did this exercise and looked to the blackened flame and saw a small purple aura around it.

That is pretty normal from what i can tell, the purple light is described in the book as the light of ones will radiating from the black flames. When i meditate in front of my alter i ussally end up seeing purple light radiating off it in waves if it isnt conentrated as a vortex.


This shift in patteren seems to happen each time i prepare and activate a lamp of fate. It is an interesting phenomena to water after i. Lose the rite.

1 Like

@Dinmiatus if you do any sun gazing that same effect occurs when you close your eyes afterward- you see a black sun with purple aura!

1 Like

Unfortunately my work schedule makes it difficult to incorporate sungazing so i use the meditation on the blackened fire in its stead when i have time with the ignition.


I suggest writting down in a journal the times you feel this internal self doubt. Question yourself. What am i feeling? Why do i feel this way? over time you will see that it’s connected to a event that first triggered you to feel self doubt about youself. Once you can Identify Why and What caused this, then you can work on fixing the problem.