I have a serious problem with myself and because of that, I kind of experienced something humiliating.
That problem is procrastinating constantly(especially in terms of studying) - it’s tiring and I want to stop it. And you know, I want to change, but that seems to not be enough. Each time I keep saying that this is not happening again and, guess what… I end up doing the same mistake, feeling really bad about it and telling myself it’s not happening the next time, which ends up becoming a vicious cycle.
Now, this was one of the biggest reasons I started doing magick. If you’ve already read my other topic or at least my introduction you’ll know that all i’ve done is daily meditation and one evocation of King Paimon (introducting myself and telling him about my worries as well as asking him to help me with something- that didn’t manifest, but I’m not giving up on the idea of working with him). And ever since I’ve done that evocation I felt worse about my mistakes because I feel like he knows about all of this(?).
The reason I decided to finally share this is because something happened today and I don’t know if he actually took action on this or not but here it goes:
My aunt offered to help me with history (the one subject I have big problems with, which I was really good at the past two years, probably because of the not so exigent teachers I had) and I agreed to it (she already offered help before but I said I didn’t need it). So right after I told her that I would accept her help, she gave me 33 pages of content to make some kind of schemes with the main ideas of the said content. So I thought the night before that I would do it, that I wouldn’t procrastinate and get it over with. Now I won’t get into much detail of what I did the whole day cuz that would be useless so I’m just gonna get straight into the point: I didn’t do it. Now I thought that I screwed up but that I still had a chance as she wanted me to send the schemes at night, so I started doing it at around 6pm, thinking that I had 5 hours to do them.
Then, something happened, I heard the bell ringing and the idea of her coming into my house came into my mind. At first, I didn’t think it was her since I didn’t see her car at the entrance but then, the bell rang again and I looked through the hole that some doors have (to know who is the person at the other side before opening the door- I don’t know how to call it sorry) and, it was her. I was terrified and started to look through the stuff I had written before and found three pages. She ended up seeing those three pages that weren’t what she wanted to see, as it didn’t have just the main ideas and it was full of information. So, now she wants me to do those schemes until the end of the next day.
It could have been worse but I feel terrible and I’m not sure if I’m not going to slack off tommorow, because as I said before, no matter what, I keep doing the same mistakes.
I apologize deeply for doing such a big text, but I really felt the need to write this and also, to see if there is anyone that can tell me if this was caused by KP (as people say that after you do an evocation, magick and the specific spirit get involved in your life and even causing chances in the magician) or if it was just really bad luck - I expect the latter.
I haven’t done a second evocation as I feel embarassed for my lack of work in order to get through this, but this problem is not easy to get over with, it’s almost as I have an actual issue with myself like a mental illness, as I feel tired everyday like I studied hard the whole day or something.
Anyways, thanks for having enough patience to read this and I really hope I can get some advice, and maybe to know if this was some kind of punishment from him or if it was just pure coincidence.
I would suggest performing more evocation rituals with different spirits. The problem with performing just one is that it takes on an importance that is out of proportion- it seems everything you experience afterwards is connected to that one ritual. It isn’t. You aren’t being watched constantly either! And…stop worrying! Set yourself a series of small goals towards a bigger one rather than try to take on a huge task (especially on someone else’s say-so) in one go.
Thank you so much for the advice! Which more spirits would you recommend?
Well, I like a lot of the Gallery of Magick (and similar) books, their rituals seem to be quite effective. Damon Brand , Gordon Winterfield, Theodore Rose to name three. There’s a choice of spirits and their’specialities’ . The rituals are straightforward and, as I say, quite effective. You’ll find you feel more at home with some methods more than others but there’s nothing more satisfying than when you just ‘know’ you’ve got it right.
Ok thank you! I remember reading a list of beginner-friendly demons and the ‘specialities’ of each one somewhere, probably in this forum. I guess I’ll start choosing other demons included in that list.
Update: I learned. Didn’t do all of the 33 pages but did 12 pages during the afternoon and did them well, including cleaning the kitchen! I’m so proud of myself since I’m such a lazy person but got to do all this stuff! Once I finish all of the pages I’ll try to focus more in magick 
Also, @gorhook I don’t know how, but your advice really made me feel less worried about all of this, thank you!
I’m so pleased for you! You’ve done really well! (and I have a suspicion that the magick you performed may have had some influence too). When you perform magick with intent you are taken notice of by the spirits and you begin to experience things ‘re-arranging’ themselves in line with your will. I’d say this is a very good omen for your magickal future! Again, well done!
Thank you! I’m so glad things are finally working for me! I’m even more determined in magick now, if I was finally heard. From now on, i’m using my time in a more efficient way, instead of wasting time doing nothing, since I was so unmotivated.