Diary of stable, responsible and wholesome lifestyle choices


So I did the thing.
I asked Marquis Leraje to unlock his aspect inside of me.
I guess it worked.


Sooooo, but HOW was the aspect unlocked, you ask yourself? No? Doesn’t matter, I’ll tell it anyway.

(First things first: someone brought to my attention that Marquis Leraje came to her as a woman with a strong female energy attached. And I once met Leraje as a woman, too. But since then he would always show up as a man to me and for the sake of keeping it simple I will refer to him as exactly that, unless he won’t consent anymore. Maybe he knows that my brain activity jolts up distinctly if a handsome dude explains my spiritual development to me. Don’t @ me, you guys. I’m a very simple woman.)

Since I had to refuse his plans to open the aspect yesterday already, I wanted to make it count today.
I wanted to buy flowers with violet petals but for some reason I couldn’t find those. So I ended up with red roses and blueberries for my altar. I cutted off all the flower heads and piled them up in a glass jar. I dished out the blueberries and chocolate and included freshly cut rosemary. I didn’t wanted to serve booze again so I decided to go with self made ice tea I brewed up yesterday already. I choosed jasmine incense (I always use the ones from Nippon Kodo, they have an overall pleasant and lightweight smell that won’t tangle up in your room for an eternity) and a new red candle. I also drew a new sigil.

My neighbours had other plans, of course. As if weird loud ethnic eurodance beats (it is beyond me, it is simply beyond me) wasn’t enough they had some tool time mixed with loud argumenting going on, that simply didn’t want to subside.
I whipped out my laptop and loaded a playlist I made specifically for evocational uses in case I had to drown the downstairs turmoil out. They eventually decided to give their cacophony a break and I made immediate use of it :smiley:

Calling forth Marquis Leraje was quite simple today, maybe he called dibs on this occasion and was never far away since yesterday. Instead of a formal greeting he made fun of me for my flowery gift :“If you wanted a date you could have asked, you know?” Whoops, that totally threw me off :sweat:
When I regained my posture, I continued to speak: “I call forth Marquis Leraje from the astral plane to unlock his hidden aspects inside of me!”
All of a sudden a live version of Astrud Gilbertos “Girl from Ipanema” (didn’t even have that in my dramatic evocation playlist, tho) started playing: as soon as I finished my sentence, one could hear the audience clapping enthusiatically.
He wanted me to turn off the music for the unlocking part. I did so. I was kinda “Now what?” until I suddenly felt a deep burning sensation in the center of my solarplexus (it was like a subcutaneous chemical burn).
I let out a surprised “Ooooff” but he told me calmly to “just pull trough”. I closed my eyes in order to focus on my breathing when Lerajes sigil flashed like mad behind my closed eyelids in the dark. When the flashing part was done, the darkness behind my lids transformed into a thick and heavy light grey fog .
When the pain subsided I asked him what I could do with the unlocked aspect. He stated: “Your guts will never fail you now.”

And thats that.
After the unlocking I felt a light giddy feeling and my hearing was off (every sound was kind of one to two tones too deep) for a short period of time.
Now I feel like someone is constantly feeding me something warm that runs through my body.


How can you live with yourself?


@Oddnan. :stuck_out_tongue:


I appreciate the little things in life. If he cute, I like.


Right now I can notice someone humming right into my ear during “Wiener Blut” (Op. 354 by Johann Strauss) is playing while I send out my mixtapes (:fire:) aka my job application for something interesting I stumbled upon. Someone apparantly has a soft spot for dem waltz. Can’t argue.


There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away.
Mildewed and smoldering, strangled by our coveting
I’ve done the math enough to know the dangers of our second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication.


15 Minutes deep into trance until my S.O. had the GLORIOUS idea to just stumble like a drunk and blind bear into the room next door to rip off the fucking spice rack by accident.
Aaaaarrgh, ich raste aus, meine wunderschöne Trance!!!


Good news, good news.
Yesterday a petition of mine not only came into fruiton but was legally signed right away with all persons involved agreeing to it (even those who made a big deal against it at first).
An organisation (which grew very important to me) is officially allowed now, to build on the ground they have bought a few years ago. Like, solid buildings and not only some scattered containers and wooden garden houses. The company neighbouring it (a fierce opponent, who even tried to stop the organisation from staying at all) now became a sponsor. :handshake:


I wasn’t aware that an unlocking of an aspect (goetia style) could have effects on my physical body as well. Good to know but now I’d rather have any unlocking rite when there is nothing scheduled afterwards. This will be fun when I fill in the form for taking special paid leave :smiley:


Todays evocation was mellow and chill.
Sometimes the smoke gets incredibly thick and “stuck” as a cloud, turning further towards my face, before dissolving.
"Never forget that your heart is that of a hunter. ", he told me today. “But I’d rather observe”, I replied.
“Sometimes one thing leads to another” he concluded.
That’s some deep shit.


If someone seems to wonder if I’ll ever do other shit than dicking around my altar all the time and sipping tea with the Marquis.


Sipping tea with Marquis sounds nice… The Spirits I work with won’t sip tea with me lol


Trinke dich satt in deiner Vase!
Ruhe sanft,
kleine Aster!

I will never forget Gottfried Benns “Morgue” poems.
The flesh yields and is numb.


Today I was informed that our CEO will install my disered position in 2020. He said that I am free to roam until this time and that he will “reactivate” me into my duties as soon as he can.
Let’s see what I can do until then.


What exactly is it that you do?


Let’s say that I switched my job to a more “administrative” branch of the death industry (more by accident, actually). And let’s say I did well enough that I got promoted to a senior consultant after eight months already.
And let’s say that I wished for less desk and more action. Like, being responsible for a whole region of this country, some kind of overseer and ambassador, a real head of the mission. A position that would grant me actual freedom regarding my own residence.


Naturally you had to fight for this. Thats the price paid.


Actually, I said my goodbyes, already. A few days ago said position has been denied to me and I have nothing left to do there anymore, then. I want to develop my abilities and not limit myself to be a cute and hardworking but not so much recognised member of this company.
Today they told me that I could choose between keeping my actual position until 2020 or to leave and be called back. I choosed to leave, since I want to learn more.


We hold an honorary degree in natural science
For stratigraphy of rock bottom
The layers were aplenty, as above, so below
But mostly below

The research is vast, thorough and firsthand
And it’s a broad array of sources

For the complete guide to spiritual asshole of the world

A tour in words, sounds and pictures
Of the true south of nadir

Through burial grounds for broken dreams and crippled souls
The graves are shallow
We would dig them up with our bare hands
Just to rise above for a split second
And see them basked in the light of a dead sun
Beneath the sky of shit
And then take notes

We would consume deathbed confessions
Create a language of fading words

For this night is without end

We would compute dynamics of grief
And logic of venom, and we would listen
As history is written on cold skin of prophets
With vulture claws soaked in rat saliva

For this night is without end
(Exercises in futility III)